


Bloodied Feet Across Hallowed Ground

by umthisisawkward



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Avery's got a rough life too, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Father Figure Jacob, I'm so sorry for the angst, John's pretty soft and cute in this one, Marriage, Romance, Slow Burn, just like all my OCs, like more plot than porn at this point I feel like, porn with lots of plot, so much angst in here y'all, soft! John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 67,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22186129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umthisisawkward/pseuds/umthisisawkward
Summary: Avery Greene is one of Jacob's best Chosen and is madly in love with John Seed. As the Deputy continues to wreak havoc in Hope County, she's determined she'll defeat him despite Joseph's stupid plans to keep him alive. As her world is turned upside down, she's forced to deal with the heartbreak and the consequences of the Deputy's actions.
Relationships: John Seed/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

_Now there's no holding back, I'm making an attack_ _  
__My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out_ _  
__The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound_ _  
__I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground_ _  
__Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins_ _  
__I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness_

  
_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers_ _  
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters_

-Florence + the Machine

“Howl”

_~~~~_


	2. Chapter 2

Her heart pounded as blood roared in her ears and her legs burned from the fast pace that she was sprinting through the woods. She had her knife pulled from her thigh holster, at the ready should her attacker come at her from the front. Her lungs begged for more air, for her to take a break, but she couldn’t stop. She sprinted up the mountain as fast as she could, throwing a glance over her shoulder to check for her pursuer. No sight of him. She continued up the mountain until she reached even ground, and continued to run forwards. She could hear the wolf beacons blaring in the distance, so she headed the other way, not wanting to deal with the likely angry creatures.

Her leg caught on a rogue branch and she fell, slicing her arm on a sharp rock somewhere on the ground in the process. Immediately, she was back on her feet and sprinting, even faster now, worried about the lost seconds from her fall and recovery. She threw another glance over her shoulder to see a flash of a camouflage jacket dart between two trees and she cursed herself for being stupid enough not to watch where she was going before. 

She slid into an underbrush as she heard him approaching. She cautiously slipped an arrow from the quiver on her back and pulled the bow from her shoulder. She heard his footsteps coming closer, twigs snapping every time he moved. She held her breath as she attached the arrow and pulled back. She stood to aim and found his face right in front of hers, her arrow cutting his cheek lightly but hard enough to draw a little bit of blood.

“Good,” he said, and she lowered her weapon.

They took a moment to catch their breath. Avery rested her hands on her knees and he held out a water canteen to her before sitting down on a tree stump. She could tell his joints were probably aching, though he’d never show it. A quirk of his lip as he sat indicated the pain, gone so quickly that anyone else would’ve likely missed it. She took a deep gulp of water before pouring some into her hand and splashing it on her face. She handed it back to him and took a seat on the ground near him.

“Any notes?” She asked.

“Don’t fucking fall,” was his reply, a smile on his face. 

“Shut up, old man,” she retorted. 

He chuckled at the insult and took a large gulp of water himself before screwing the top back on and shoving it into one of his many pockets in the coat her wore. 

“Let me see that,” he said, reaching for her arm. 

She held it up to him, and he pulled out a wipe from his jacket and tore it open before running it along her arm. She winced at the sting, the cut a deep and wide-open one. She watched him carefully clean and bandage it with the medical wrap he brought with him, in another mysteriously large pocket in his coat. 

“You should probably stitch it up when we get back.”

“Gotcha,” she replied.

“You did a good job, Avery,” he said, looking down at her. “But how good are you at hunting?”

“You know that’s _what_ I’m good at,” she said, looking up at him. 

“Sure,” he said. He glanced down at her before he stood, slinging his sniper rifle over his shoulder. “I’ve seen you hunt deer, elk, rabbits. But you’ve never chased something down, have you?”

“Yes I fucking have,” Avery replied. 

“Show me, then.” 

Before she could reply, he was off and she let out a growl as she stood and hastily grabbed the bow and put it back over her body, grabbing her quiver and sprinting after him. He wasn’t as fast as her, thankfully, and she managed to cut him off after about a mile and a half (and no tripping or falling, on her part at least).

She watched him slip and land on a rock right in front of her, her weapon raised and her grin cocky. But the second he went down, she sprung into action, sprinting towards him. “Jake!” She called as she ran.

“I’m good,” he replied, his voice strained.

She made it to him and took in his bloody knee. “Yeah, that sure looks ‘good.’”

“I’ve had worse.”

“So have I but if that gets infected, you’re fucked.”

Avery unzipped the outer pocket on her quiver and pulled out rubbing alcohol and a cotton swab. Jacob raised his eyebrows at her, wondering where the hell and how the hell she was lugging it around with her. Even though it was small.

She put the alcohol-soaked swab on his bloodied knee and he let out a hiss. She chuckled at him and he pushed her shoulder gently, glaring at her. “Rubbing alcohol hurts worse than those stupid fucking wipes.”

“Okay, sure,” Avery replied. 

~

As they walked back to the cabin they were living in, she shot two rabbits with her bow and arrow, which Jacob tied up and carried. It was about an hour walk, maybe two with the climbing and the struggle of getting up the mountains. 

They made it back in about an hour and a half’s time, but when Jacob saw the front door open ajar, he pushed her behind his back and put his rifle at the ready. They walked in cautiously and Jacob looked around the entire cabin, finding nothing but evidence of someone looting all of their supplies and leaving promptly after that. 

“Shit,” he grumbled as he set the rifle on the table. “I’ll get some more supplies on the way back from Joseph’s sermon tonight. Good thing you killed our dinner.”

“Smart, huh?” she replied, a smirk on her face.

“Sure, yeah. Aside from the part where you almost put that fucking arrow into my cheek when you shot the first one.”

“Not my fault you were in my way.”

Jacob watched her walk to the bathroom, likely planning on taking a shower after running around in the hot sun all day. He sniffed himself and grimaced. He needed a shower, too - he couldn’t show up to the sermon smelling like...wet dog with a hint of sweaty old man. He decided to take the rabbits outside to prepare and cook them over the fire.

He’d lived in the cabin with Avery for about three months, ever since Joseph had started talking about seals opening soon and the fact that the world was really, truly coming to an end sooner than they all thought. Avery was a good soldier but she needed more training; they both needed to be ready for whatever might happen. 

Once Avery finished up with the shower, he went inside and took one himself. He rolled his eyes at the louffa she had in the shower and used his unscented bar soap instead of her flowery liquid soap. He’d made the mistake once when he wasn’t paying attention and the teasing was enough to make him never want to do that again.

When he returned outside, he found her finishing up skinning the second rabbit. She held the knife that he gave her for Christmas the year prior, similar to his but a light blue. It was her favorite color. He came over and sat down in the chair next to her, thankful that whoever looted their cabin hadn’t gone for the lawn chairs. 

Avery finished the skinning and handed the meat to Jacob, who carefully put it on spits and set them over the fire to cook. When he glanced back at her, her eyes were off in the distance, watching the sun starting to set. Her red hair blew in the wind and her eyes were glazed over, like she was deep in thought.

“You want a beer?” she asked, glancing in his direction. 

“Hell yeah.”

She laughed and got up, heading inside to grab two bottles of beer he didn’t recognize. Something local, it appeared, as he looked over the label. He took a sip and nodded in approval.

“Where’d you get this?” he asked.

“I was at John’s the other day and made a pit stop on the way back.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. Her and John were thick as goddamn thieves and it was getting to the point where he wondered what the hell was going on between them. They flirted shamelessly with each other whenever they were in the same room. But, if one didn’t know John or Avery, one would assume they hated each other and were truly making death threats back and forth. Jacob, however, knew better. He saw the way his baby brother looked at her. She impressed him, and if John fucking Seed was impressed, that was saying something.

“What were you doing over there?” he asked. 

“He was showing me the Rye’s plane,” she replied, taking a sip of her beer and leaning back in her chair, pulling her knees to her chest. Jacob always wondered how such a tiny girl could be so fearsome. How her small body could carry so much strength. “The Deputy took it back yesterday.”

Jacob let out a gruff noise as he rotated the skewered rabbit over the fire. “I feel like that idiot is the only topic of conversation anymore.”

“Duh. Because he’s kind of making his way through Hope County like a fucking tank.”

Jacob shrugged. He wasn’t really making his way through Hope County like that. It was taking the guy a while. But he was dangerous, that much Jacob agreed to. He was dangerous and they needed to stop him before he became a force to be reckoned with. Or before he was able to unite the entire County against the Project.

“You’re coming with me tomorrow,” Jacob said. “To the Veterans Center. I need to show you some of the boring administrative shit I’ve been doing for Joseph.” 

He took one of the rabbits off the fire and sliced into it, checking the meat. It still needed a little time, so he set it back.

“Great,” Avery replied, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “What does that entail exactly?”

“Well, we need more food for the Judges, so we need to either arrange for a hunting party to go out or we could just order some more of the meat from the vendor I’ve been using...”

Avery faked a snore and Jacob rolled his eyes, nudging her shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. That’s just...so boring.” Jacob chuckled. “Why not ask John to deal with that? He’s in charge of all the food for the Project, right?”

“No fucking way,” Jacob replied. “I want it done correctly.”

Avery laughed but said nothing, instead taking a sip of her beer. 

They ate in silence once the rabbits were done, Avery was too focused on looking up at the stars and the moon to really notice if he said anything to her anyways. He looked over her face for a moment, wondering how the hell everything had fallen into place with them so well. She’d joined the Project with her older sister, Theresa. They’d both run away from home, their parents alcoholics and abusive. Theresa was sent to John to confess and ended up trying to kill him, screaming that the “cult” was destroying the town. She fled, and Avery hadn’t seen her sister since, at least that Jacob knew of. The last he heard, someone spotted her with the Deputy’s growing “Resistance” a couple weeks back.

Avery was not like her sister. Avery was strong; stronger than any woman he’d ever seen or met before. She didn’t look the part, either. Jacob had underestimated her when she first arrived to the project - a small, skinny thing who barely had any muscle. But after she withstood some serious questioning (and maybe some violence) at the hands of himself, John and Joseph, she proved herself resilient. 

She wanted to be there, wanted to follow Joseph’s teachings. When they put her through trials to see where she’d best be of use, she destroyed all the tests they put in front of her. Jacob watched her take down a man twice her size with just her hands. She knew how to handle every single gun that they gave her, and she handled it damn well if he did say so himself. She was good with the bow, too; the evidence right there in front of him as he ate the sizable rabbit she’d caught after shooting an arrow right between its eyes. A warrior if he’d ever seen one. 

So, they sent her to spend time with him, to train with him. She was a loyal follower, and he figured she’d do a good job taking over for him whenever he got too old to keep up with the Project’s demands. That’s why he wanted her to learn the boring parts of the job, too. He wanted her to know everything inside and out, so Joseph would forever see her as valuable. 

At the beginning of it all, when he first brought her around the Chosen and the Hunters, his men didn’t take her very seriously. Until he put her in charge of trials one day while he went out to the Henbane to check on something for Faith, and she’d killed a man who tried to grope her. The story was that she took a knife and gouged out his eyes before she cut his dick off and shoved it down his throat for him to choke on. That’s the one the men told around the Veterans Center and the Hotel, talking about her as if she was a god. The real story was she did indeed gouge his eyes out but then just stabbed him repeatedly until she was covered in blood. The Chosen liked to be dramatic sometimes.

She was 22 when he’d met her, and how she’d grown in the five years she’d been training with him. To say he was proud of her would be an understatement. She was meant to be with his family and he could sense it. Joseph and John loved her too, and Faith saw her as a sister from the get-go.

“Jacob, you there? Over.”

John’s voice sparked to life on Jacob’s radio and he sighed, not wanting to deal with his baby brother at the moment. He stole a glance at Avery to see watch her reaction, but she was looking at the beer bottle, reading the label.

“What’s up, John? Over.”

“I got a report that our Deputy was spotted in the Whitetails,” John said. “What do you plan to do with him if you find him?”

“Put him through the trials. See what happens.”

“I’d just kill him and be done with it.”

Avery snorted with laughter at that and nodded. Jacob rolled his eyes at her and she stuck her tongue out at him. “Joseph doesn’t want him dead, remember? We were told to keep him alive.”

John sighed dramatically. “I suppose we must follow Joseph, mustn't we?”

“Yeah, I’d say so.”

“The sermon starts soon. Are you two on your way?”

“We’ll leave in a few. Just finished dinner.”

“I will see you then, brother. Over and out.”

Jacob rolled his eyes and took the dirty dishes from Avery before walking into the cabin and putting them in the sink. He’d deal with them later. 

Avery changed into a nice simple white dress and sandals. It always threw Jacob off to see her in a dress, despite the fact that she wore one to every sermon. She had a necklace with the Eden’s Gate cross on it and her Book of Joseph tucked under her arm. Her long, curly red hair tumbled down her back, a small braid crowning the top of her head. They walked out to the car and Jacob started driving. 

“Last I heard the Deputy was harassing John. What’s he doing up here do you think?”

“Probably trying to avoid capture.”

“Well, that was a _rookie_ move,” she said with a laugh. 

Jacob resisted an eye roll at how absolutely cheesy that joke was, but couldn’t resist the laugh that came out of his mouth. “Sure was,” he said. 

“John’s not gonna be happy that he doesn’t get to torture the Deputy first,” Avery said after a couple minutes of the Project’s soft music filling the silence. “You think he’s gonna try and take Peaches back?”

“Even if he does, that little punk is so afraid of me, I doubt he’ll follow him,” Jacob replied. “He knows what happens when he disobeys me.”

Avery shuddered. Everyone knew what would happen if someone disobeyed Jacob Seed. It was strange to her, to bear witness to both sides of the older man. With her, he was tough but kind, and he cared about her. He smiled around her, too. Those were all things that no one else really saw, other than his brothers. But his methods were cruel, and while she didn’t fully agree with them all the time, she knew to keep her damn mouth shut.

They arrived at the chapel with about fifteen minutes to spare and the followers flocked Jacob as they usually did. He watched Avery slip away, avoiding the crowd, no doubt to go find John. He rolled his eyes at the thought. Of course she was going to find John. Why wouldn’t she? 

Avery hated that part of coming to Joseph’s sermons. She hated having to talk to all the followers. They all loved her just as much as the other Heralds because the fact that she was basically like family to Joseph and his brothers. Plus she was in charge of training the Chosen and the Judges. So they all embraced her as another Herald, without the title. 

It was weird for her. Thankfully, the sermon didn’t start for another ten minutes, so no one was really in the chapel. A couple followers came up to her and shook her hand but that was it. She wandered up to the front of the room, slipping through the doorway to the rooms in the back, where John usually waited for her.

She glanced into the first room, where she saw Joseph writing something down in his journal, likely working on that night’s sermon. She slipped past unnoticed. She checked the room John was normally in but found it empty. It wasn’t until she felt hands close around her mouth and neck that she started screaming, but John’s cool voice in her ear made her stop instantly.

“It’s just me, sweetheart,” he said, the smirk on his face evident in his tone. 

“You scared me!” She hissed, spinning around to face him and smacking his arm. 

He chuckled, pulled her into an embrace and pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too,” she replied, her fingers tracing the small little planes on his jacket. “Why’s it been so long since I’ve seen you?”

John sighed, pressed his forehead into her shoulder. Her hand moved up to trace invisible patterns on his neck and he sighed. “It’s the Deputy raising hell in Holland Valley. He’s keeping me busy, to say the least.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He raised his head and smirked down at her, looking deep into her green eyes. “Of course I’m okay, my dear. You don’t think that Deputy is any match for me, now, do you?”

She chuckled, shrugged. “Not sure. I haven’t really seen you in action.”

“Haven’t you?” 

There was a teasing spark in his eyes as he pulled her in for a kiss, his hands reaching lower. She let out a whimper as he pulled her close to him, one hand on her ass and the other tangled in her hair. God, she missed him. It had only been three days since she last saw him but she wished she could spend all her time with him. 

He kissed her with such ferocity that she didn’t know how to win the battle their tongues were engaged in without sinking her teeth into his bottom lip. He let out a gasp and she moaned as she tasted blood on her tongue. 

“You’re a wild animal, aren’t you?” he asked against her mouth.

“You should already know the answer to that by now,” she replied, her eyebrow raised. He touched his wounded lip and smirked as drops of blood appeared on his finger.

“I love you, you know that?” he said before he kissed her deeply again.

She chuckled against him, her fingers splayed across his chest as she felt his beating heart. “Of course I do, you idiot,” she replied, a smirk on her face. “I love you, too.”

He kissed her, his hand cradling her cheek and his other arm around her waist. She squealed as he grabbed her ass and squeezed, biting at her lower lip in the process. 

But they both froze at the sound of a throat clearing behind them. Dread filled Avery’s stomach and she wasn’t sure what would be worse - getting caught by Jacob or by Joseph. And as she turned, she found she wished it had been the Father himself instead of the Soldier.

“I figured something was going on with you two, but making out right before a sermon?” Jacob asked, strolling in casually. Avery pushed John away from her and John just chuckled. 

“It’s nothing, brother,” he said, arms outstretched. 

Avery glared at him. “Wow. _That’s_ a dick move,” she said. “It’s just been _nothing_ for the past two and a half years, then?”

“Two and a half _years_ ?” Jacob asked, his jaw dropping as he stared at the two of them. “You’ve been _fucking_ for two and a half years?”

“No, we haven’t been ‘fucking,’ thank you very much. We haven’t broken any rules,” Avery said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Jacob glanced between the two of them before he chuckled. “Wow, a woman who got John to be celibate. That sure is impressive, Avery.”

John narrowed his eyes at his oldest brother. “Don’t start making fun of me just because you wouldn’t know love if it smacked you across the face.”

They were at each other’s throats before long and Avery was joining in, shouting at them while they pushed, shoved and insulted each other. Joseph came in after hearing the racket and asked what the problem was, his face and demeanor as calm as ever. 

“Did you know about John and Avery?” Jacob asked as Joseph put a hand on his chest to prevent him from running at his little brother.

Joseph sighed. “I suspected something was going on between them.”

Avery rolled her eyes at his tone. He sounded like an exhausted mother hen. “Nothing _immoral_ is going on, so I really don’t understand what the problem is.”

“The problem is my brother’s a fucking lunatic and I don’t want you to end up with someone like that,” Jacob said. “There’s better men out there than the ones in my family, trust me.”

“You’re not my dad, you don’t get to dictate who I fall in love with,” Avery said. 

“I’m more your dad than your real dad ever was,” Jacob shot back, instantly regretting it as the words left his tongue. 

Avery stared at him with her mouth open, shock coursing through her at the fact that Jacob would ever bring that up. John glanced at her to make sure she was okay and saw the fury and shame rising on her face. Joseph watched her as well, wondering how she was going to handle it. 

She took a breath as she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. “That was uncalled for and really fucking rude. So _fuck you_ , Jake.”

She walked away, heading out towards the chapel to take her seat for the sermon. John followed quickly after her, glaring at his oldest brother as he left the room. Joseph waited for them both to close the door behind them before he looked at Jacob to gauge his reaction.

“She...handled that oddly well,” Jacob said after a moment. 

“She did. She is learning how to control her wrath and her pride,” Joseph observed. “You’re doing well with her, Jacob.”

Jacob shook his head. “No, I’m not. If I was, she wouldn’t have started...whatever it is she has with John. That’s not who I wanted her to end up with.” 

Jacob shook his head as if he was trying to clear some sort of image from his mind. Likely the image of the two of them kissing like hungry wolves that he’d just witnessed without wanting to.

“I think she’s good for him,” Joseph said. 

Jacob growled. “Next thing you know, she’s gonna be walking around with his name carved into her,” he said. “We both know John likes to mark things as his.”

Joseph considered that for a moment. “If he does that, he would never do it without her consent. That’s not how John is. Not with the people he loves.” 

Jacob groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. “You think they’re in _love_?”

Joseph just smiled at his older brother. “It appears that way to me.”

~

John took the seat next to Avery at the front of the chapel, behind the altar, as the other followers meandered in. Some of them greeted him fondly and he waved to them but did not even remember any of their names. How was he supposed to keep track of all these people? He often wondered how the hell Joseph managed to remember every single person’s name, and personal details about their lives. It was truly a miracle.

Avery sat with her arms crossed over her chest in her chair, staring ahead of her with a frown on her face. 

“They had to find out at some point,” John muttered to her, careful not to be too loud, considering how well sound tended to carry within the chapel. He didn’t want any of the followers to hear the conversation. “Jacob didn’t react as poorly as I suspected.”

“He’s so fucking overprotective,” Avery replied. 

“Watch the language, we’re actually in a chapel right now,” John teased. 

His fingers itched to place themselves on her knee, to give her some form of reassurance through his touch. But he knew that might look suspicious should any of the followers see it. Avery smirked at him and he smiled at the fact that he got those lips to curl into at least somewhat of a grin. 

“We’re going to have to talk about this after the sermon, aren’t we?”

“Of course, sweetheart. But Jacob will have had some time to cool off.” 

Avery shook her head as Jacob came in, throwing a look at her and John. Faith followed behind him, completely unaware of what was going on between all of them. She came over to Avery and pulled her into a hug, tucking a Bliss flower behind her ear, much to John’s amusement. She took Avery’s usual seat next to Jacob without question, which both John and Avery were thankful for. They weren’t sure how well either of them would handle having to tell Faith about them - she would likely get so excited that the entire Project would find out right then and there.

Everyone got settled into their seats, the loud sounds of greeting falling into a quieter din of conversation. Of course, Avery heard several followers mention the Deputy. She rolled her eyes. She was starting to feel just the same as Jacob was in terms of how often the Deputy was spoken about within the Project. Sure, there was a reason for it; the man was destroying so much shit in such little time that she’d be impressed if her community wasn’t suffering as a result. She knew it was easy to go total war on everyone and burn everything they have to the ground. What was harder was to do it with tact and precision, which he somehow managed.

Everyone rose as Joseph entered and the congregation began clapping and cheering. He motioned for them to sit once he got to the pulpit. Then he went on his usual rantings; but Avery found she couldn’t pay attention. The only thing she could pay attention to was the fact that John was next to her for the first time during Joseph’s sermons and for some reason it felt strange. He sat with his arm on the back of her chair and she had to resist resting her head on his shoulder.

Once it was all over, Avery dreaded what was to follow. She didn’t want to sit in a room with Jacob, the Father, John and Faith and have to talk about their relationship in any way, shape or form. She didn’t really understand why it even needed to be everyone’s business, considering nothing wrong was going on. Wasn’t their time better spent elsewhere, trying to gain control of the Deputy and the silly little Resistance he was creating?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! Hope you enjoy this story. It's not completely finished yet so later on, it might take me a little while to update it. Thanks for reading!! :)

Joseph brought them back to the house that rested near the chapel and made some coffee while they all sat around the kitchen table, as if it was going to be some kind of long night of discussions. Avery took hers black and John sat next to her, his hand resting on the back of her chair as it had during Joseph’s sermon. 

Jacob stared at the two of them like a furious animal, his gaze harsh and deep. Avery had never felt so afraid of the look; Jacob was a father figure to her, but that didn’t mean she was ignorant to his cruelty. Just like in the car, the sense of dread pooled in her gut. Did he see this as her disobeying him? What was he going to do about it?

Faith looked between Avery, John, Jacob and Joseph with a confused expression, completely oblivious to the situation. Avery could tell she did, however, sense the tension. She gave Avery a questioning gaze, but Avery’s eyes fell to her coffee.

Once Joseph sat down, silence draped over the room like a heavy curtain. Avery waited for someone else to initiate the conversation. She wasn’t about to explain her relationship that was absolutely no one else’s business. Even thought it was  _ technically  _ Joseph’s business, she knew. Everything that happened within the Project was technically Joseph’s business; births, deaths, marriages, problems in marriages, runaways...all that was in his arena to assist with and provide guidance to the followers who needed it. So she wondered if he was going to interfere with their relationship. She hoped not.

“Avery,” Joseph said. She looked up at him. “Please know that neither of you are in trouble. We just wish to discuss what this means and what the future holds for the both of you.”

“It means-”

“John,” Joseph interrupted his baby brother. “I was speaking to Avery.”

Avery glanced at John for a moment before returning her gaze to Joseph. He removed his glasses and looked at her with that intense gaze of his; the one that made you feel as though there was nowhere you could hide. The gaze that made you feel like he could see straight through your flesh, muscle and bone into your soul.

“I’m in love with him,” she said, holding her chin up and grabbing John’s hand in hers. “I don’t have all the answers to what it means or what the future looks like, but I’m in love with this idiot, okay? And that’s all that matters.”

Jacob snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re a kid, how d’ya even know what love is?”

“Right, because you’re such the love expert, aren’t you, Jacob?” She replied back cheekily. He chuckled and shook his head. 

“Jacob, don’t do this right now,” Joseph said sternly, placing his hand on his brother’s arm. “I understand you wish to protect her, but she is a grown woman. A strong one, at that. She is able to make her own choices and every emotion she feels is valid.”

Jacob looked at his baby brother, then. His gaze was intense, fiery. “If you hurt her, you little shit, I’ll kill you myself.”

Joseph sighed. “I do not think John intends to hurt Avery, do you?” Joseph turned his gaze to his little brother. 

“Of course not!” John’s face was appalled. “The fact that you would even think that-”

“You have a knack for torturing people, John,” Jacob retorted. “You’re violent. You cause fear in people. Same as me, same as Joseph. I don’t want her to deal with that side of you. I don’t want her to get hurt, even if it’s an accident, during one of your rampages.”

“I don’t,” Avery said. “He’s never hurt me, and he  _ won’t  _ ever hurt me. I think he’s pretty aware about the fact that I could kick his ass.”

Jacob snorted a laugh and sat back in his chair, shrugging. “I guess that’s true.”

“Hey!” John looked offended now. “That’s just rude.”

Avery smiled at him and he softened instantly at the expression. Jacob saw it. Her smile just disarmed him completely. At that moment, Jacob understood that they did love each other. They had something real. Two and a half years was a long time to be together. And he supposed he wasn’t about to stand in the way of her happiness, nor that of his little brother’s. They both deserved love more than anyone in the world. 

“Alright, look,” Jacob said, downing his coffee before he continued. “I don’t mind all this. So long as John never hurts you, or forces you to do anything you don’t want to do. And the same goes for you, Avery. I’m not about to let my little brother get his heart broken by one of my soldiers.”

Avery relaxed her chair, knowing she had Jacob’s blessing. “Sounds good to me.”

“John?” Joseph asked. John nodded in response. “Alright, I suppose we’re done with that then. The only other thing to discuss is John’s intentions.”

Avery frowned. “Intentions?”

“Well, where is this relationship going?”

Avery groaned. “Isn’t this enough privacy invasion for one night?”

John was looking at his coffee, his whole body stiff and tight. He didn’t want to look up at Joseph, didn’t want to discuss the possibility of him and Avery one day getting married. It wasn’t that he was opposed to it. He wanted to marry her more than anything. But they hadn’t discussed it with each other yet, and Avery wasn’t a very conventional woman. He could tell she wasn’t one to be “kept on a leash,” as they say. Would she want to settle down with him? Would she want to bear his children? Would she want the life with him that he imagined for the both of them or would she rather be free, in the woods, able to go where she pleased and do what she wanted? 

“John?” Joseph asked, knocking him out of his thoughts. 

Avery was watching him with that hunter gaze of hers - analyzing his next movements so she could react accordingly. He didn’t know how to tread, what to say. He wished for a moment that he could read her mind so he wouldn’t royally screw this amazing thing up.

“I…” he paused, taking a deep breath. He glanced at her again and decided to just follow his heart. “I want to spend my life with her.”

Avery’s eyes widened at his confession, unsure she’d heard him correctly. She’d known they were serious since the very beginning, especially because John wasn’t one to do anything casually. But the fact that this was uncharted territory, and he was so quick to confess his desires for the future...she was nearly shocked out of her skin. 

He placed his hand on the back of her neck. She looked up at him, a confused look on her face. Was he just saying this to get his brother off his case? Was he just telling Joseph what he wanted to hear, what Jacob likely wanted to hear? Or was it something that he meant, sincerely? He looked almost worried as he took in her shocked and confused expression, his eyes becoming wide and darting around the room, like he was afraid to even look at her.

“Are…” her voice came out as a squeak, and she cleared her throat. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” he said. 

She nearly burst out laughing but refrained. She always found it funny when he said ‘yes’ in regular, everyday conversation.

Before she could register her movements, she was pulling him into her arms, burying her head into his shoulder. She hid her tears from the room, ensuring no one saw her weakness for one second.

“I love you,” she whispered into his ear as his arms wrapped around her frame. 

“I love  _ you _ ,” he replied.

They pulled apart and turned to the rest of the room. Jacob had a raised eyebrow, Joseph was beaming with joy, and Faith looked absolutely lost and confused.

“I don’t want to interrupt all this,” she said after a moment. “But what’s going on?”

Jacob explained the situation and John explained their side of it. Faith looked between Avery and John before she leapt out of her chair, hauling Avery to her feet with a strength that always confused the red-headed woman. She pulled Avery to her with a squeal and then moved on to John. 

“That’s so exciting!” She said as she walked back over to Avery, placing a hand on her cheek. “I always knew you were meant to be part of our family.”

Avery smiled before she hugged Faith again, and Joseph strode to his bedroom before returning with a little box. “You know how things work in the Project,” he said, handing the box to Avery. “Courtship, especially one as long and serious as yours and John’s has been, has a path. That path is God’s chosen path for all lovers; the path of commitment, of marriage.”

Avery opened the box and found a small ring, the band twisting and centered with a small but beautiful diamond. The band had the Eden’s Gate cross engraved in a pattern along it. She knew the custom within the Project, had seen other female followers fawn over promise rings whenever they received them. She’d never taken part, though. 

“This ring that symbolizes your courtship, your love, and that you will one day stand before God and become one. It’s a symbol of the path the two of you are on together.”

She put the ring on her ring finger on the left hand, and admired it for a moment. It fit her perfectly, as if it was made just for her. Joseph watched with a smile, Jacob with an unreadable expression, and Avery could tell Faith’s mind was already planning the wedding.

“Thank you, Father,” Avery said, a smile on her lips. “It’s beautiful.”

“I had it made for you - I figured there was something between you and John and it was only a matter of time for your courtship to become known. Now, John, you’ll have one just like it. It’s still over at the Conservatory - Faith’s follower, Amelia, is still crafting it. I should have it to you within the next day or two.” 

“Thank you, Joseph,” John said, a smile on his face. “That’s very kind of you.”

Joseph smiled and placed his hand on John’s shoulder. “I am happy for the both of you. Now, of course courtship means you two will partake in a confession.”

“Why?” Avery asked, completely unaware of this part of the tradition. She usually tuned the followers out at this point when they talked about courtship and engagements and weddings. So she wasn’t sure what came next, after the ring.

“It will be a joint confession, so that you both know any and all sins the other has committed while they were with you or before. Love is imperfect, just as we are imperfect. Those who cannot love one another for everything they are, including their faults, their sins and their moments of weakness, will not sustain a loving relationship and marriage.”

“Oh,” Avery replied. 

“John’s performed many, but has never taken part in one of his own, of course. You will both confess to me tonight and we will cleanse you in the morning, at dawn. A private cleansing, just with Faith and Jacob as witnesses.”

She glanced at John. He wore a worried look and it made her smile falter. She hoped he was just nervous. They had gone from being casually in love to officially on the track to marriage within a matter of hours, so she couldn’t blame him if that was a little nerve-wracking. But the look made her nervous all the same.

Joseph and Faith had them wait while they prepped the chapel for the joint confession. So they were stuck in a room with Jacob looking at the two of them with a scary, unreadable expression. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked after several long, awkward minutes of silence.

“I knew you wouldn’t approve of it,” Avery replied. “But honestly, I’m shocked you didn’t figure it out. I was visiting John at his ranch three to four times a week. The rest of the week, he was visiting our cabin while you were out, but he was always there when you came back.”

Jacob shrugged. “I figured you guys were friends.”

“Friends?” John asked. “Really?”

“Jacob, you walked in on us kissing once,” Avery said with a laugh.

Jacob rolled his eyes. “I don’t remember that,” he replied.

“Seriously?” She asked. “You went out hunting and came back with a couple wild turkeys and as you were walking in you asked if I could help you pluck the feathers and John had me pressed up against the wall.”

Jacob groaned, rubbing his eyes with his hands. “Please, don’t say that  _ ever  _ again.”

“You didn’t notice it?”

“No!” He shot back. “Of course I didn’t. And if I did, I’m sure my brain was in denial at the fact that you were doing anything remotely romantic or physical with my little brother.”

Avery shrugged. That was fair.

Joseph came back about an hour later, and it was going on 10:00pm. He led her and John to the chapel, and as they walked in, Avery’s breath caught in her throat. There were lit candles everywhere. It was gorgeous. There were even flower petals leading to the front of the chapel. She glanced at John with a smile on her face, until she noticed that his nervous expression from earlier was still there. 

They got to the front of the chapel and both knelt at Joseph’s feet, facing each other, their hands intertwined. Joseph had them swear on his Word and in front of God that they would be honest, even if it was hard to do. Honesty was what marriages thrived on, and it was necessary for them to bear their scars and wounds and struggles so the other can not only see them for who they really are, but know how to help them through life’s toughest moments.

Avery went first. 

She confessed to wanting to do physical things with John when they were not romantically involved, and how she still struggled with those desires since they had started seeing each other. She confessed to pride, to wrath - especially when the men she worked and trained with acted inappropriately towards her. She confessed to her envy - she knew John was attractive and that many women within the Project thought so as well, so she got jealous and angry whenever she saw them talking to him. 

When she was done, Joseph said a blessing over her, his hand on her head and then moved on to John, who looked nervous still. Avery realized that he was nervous about his own confession, that there was something he wasn’t keen on sharing with her. The anxiety built up in her stomach like a heavy brick wall. 

John confessed to envy as well. He even envied Jacob for spending so much time with Avery, for getting to live in a house with her in the woods - which he knew she loved. He worried that she’d fall in love with Jacob and leave him, so his envy overtook him and caused him to act irrationally whenever she talked about Jacob. That was something she’d noticed from the beginning of their relationship. 

He confessed to wrath, his greatest struggle. They’d had plenty of arguments over the past two and a half years, much of them stemming from his envy. Whenever they argued, he would say cruel things to her and he wanted to make her hurt the way he felt hurt. It was never anything physical, but he knew his words were harmful. 

That confession led to his confession of lust. His envy got the best of him when he saw her and Jacob laughing and joking and the familiar way in which they interacted on one particular afternoon. When he’d asked to spend time with her, she’d said she wanted to spend it with Jacob since they were going hunting later. He was convinced she was cheating on him, so he went to a woman who he’d spent lots of time with before Avery had even entered his life - Holly. They slept together that night. 

John was nearly in tears at the end of his confession, unable to look Avery in the eye. Avery felt her walls of anxiety crumble around her into something far worse; her wrath and envy crawled up from the rubble in her gut and reached towards her heart, clutching it tight. 

Holly. She’d seen the woman around, seen the way she looked at John. John had mentioned that they’d slept together a couple of times before Avery had come to the Project, told her that she still had feelings for him but that they weren’t returned. 

Holly was tall, blonde, beautiful with a gorgeous body. Even in her Eden’s Gate clothes, baggy and unflattering, she still managed to look like a runway model. She was one of the few people that intimidated Avery, that made her insecure about her looks. 

Avery knew she herself was pretty; her fiery red hair and dazzling green eyes were her best features. But her body was that of a hunter - small, strong, lithe. She’d also grown up dancing. Her chest wasn’t big, her hips weren’t as round, she had toned muscular arms and legs...she looked nothing like Holly. So, the fact that John had slept with Holly while Avery was with him made her see red in her vision.

Joseph paused after the confession, taking in Avery’s reaction. She refused to let tears fall, refused to let them see how weak she was. She wasn’t a weakness, she was not the weak link. Jacob had taught her that they must cull the weak and she was not about to be culled. She was strong, fierce, a warrior and a huntress. She wouldn’t let the Father and her lover see her cry. Not over something as foolish as that.

But it  _ wasn’t  _ foolish, was it? It wasn’t something that could be taken lightly. John had gone behind her back and had sex with someone else. She could tell Joseph took the confession seriously as well, as he watched the young girl and waited for her reaction. It was a test, she knew. A test to see if she could truly love John, a man who was severely faulted and carried the weight of many struggles upon his back. 

She knew John’s past, knew his sex and drug addictions were the hardest thing he’d ever had to overcome. She knew his present, too. She’d seen him torture people, hurt them, get into their minds. She knew most people in the Project feared him more than they loved him. John was not an easy person to love. Of course he wasn’t; with the life he’d had, how could he be? Joseph knew that, Avery knew that. Before her sat the real test to their marriage. Could she forgive the unforgivable? Could she love what most people deemed unlovable?

Finally, John’s gaze met hers. His blue eyes were full of regret, of pain. He wanted to reach out, to kiss her, to fall at her feet and beg her to forgive him. It was something he’d carried around within him for so long and it felt even worse to have it out in the open. Confessions were meant to bring relief to those participating, not bring more pain. God may forgive him, but would Avery?

She didn't want to talk about it with Joseph there. She wanted the whole ceremony to end so she could leave, so she could reflect on what John had just admitted to. She wished that he’d told her. That way, the confession could have been a beautiful thing. She would’ve already had her moments of doubt and pain and heartbreak and would’ve been prepared to accept him for who he was, for what he was. But she knew this was a serious moment, not something that could be rushed. So she took her time. 

“When?” Her voice came out as a shaky croak.

“Six months ago,” John replied. 

“Just the once?” She asked.

John sighed, glancing down at the ground and Avery felt dread fill up her whole body. “When we had just started seeing each other, when it wasn’t serious…”

“How many times total, John?”

“Seven.”

Avery closed her eyes. Her hands were shaking in John’s grip. “ _ Seven _ ?”

“You and I had just started spending time alone together. I didn’t know things were going to be romantic, let alone this serious. We hadn’t even kissed yet or told each other that we felt anything.”

“You told me you hadn’t been with her for a year. When we talked about our past partners,” Avery replied, acid rising in her throat. He’d lied to her, right to her face. 

“I know.”

“You told me this...what? A month into our relationship?”

“Avery…”

“After we talked about her, about our pasts...did you still sleep with her after that?”

“No. Only that last time after I got jealous of you and Jacob.”

“Fine.”

Joseph glanced down at her. “Avery, you know this is serious - you cannot take back anything that is said this evening. If this is something about John you cannot get past, you need to tell him now.”

“It’s going to take me a while,” she said, glancing up at Joseph. “I’ll need time to fully...understand why he would keep something like that from me.”

Joseph nodded. “I understand, my child.”

The rest of John’s confession was quite uneventful compared to that. She tried her hardest to keep her attention on what he was confessing to so that she might forgive him. But she knew, deep down, that any of his other sins would be ten times easier for her to forgive than that one would be. 

Joseph blessed them and told them to report to the river at dawn, where they would be cleansed of their sins and start their new life together, on the road to marriage and commitment. Avery felt numb as she stood up. Joseph told her he’d leave them in peace, if they wished to pray together alone. She waited until the door was closed behind him before turning to John, whose gaze was focused on the ground.

“John…” She hated the way her voice broke, the way her hands trembled. “ _ Why _ ?”

“I am so beyond sorry,” he replied, his gaze still fixated on the ground. “I was so afraid to tell you. I thought you would hate me.”

“Yeah, maybe I would have for a few days. Maybe it would have ruined things. But now?” She nearly laughed, feeling bitter and in complete disbelief. “Now I don’t know what to think. You tell me that for the first time in front of your  _ brother _ ?”

“You think that was easy for me?” he growled, fighting back now. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was harder than confessing all the drugs I’d done, all the sex I’d had, all the times I destroyed my life over and over and couldn’t seem to stop. But I wanted you to know. I needed you to know. I knew right then and there that if I didn’t tell you, I’d forever regret it.”

“Would you rather her?” Avery asked. 

John’s eyes shot to hers with shock written on his face. “ _ What _ ?”

“Would you rather that hot, blonde...whore instead of me?” Tears dripped down her cheeks and Avery cursed herself. John had seen her cry before, but never like this. He’d never seen her become insecure, scared. And it broke his heart. “I know I’ve pretty much got the body of a boy so I’d understand if you’d rather marry someone who looked like her.”

“I don’t want anyone else but you,” John said as he caressed her cheek. “How could you even think that?”

“You didn’t confess to lusting after me, you know?” Avery said. “I mean, I confessed to lusting after you. I confessed to lusting after you during my first Confession. It was humiliating to say that to Joseph. I want you so bad, John. I crave you. But you? In terms of lust, you confessed only to sleeping with her. So what am I supposed to take away from that?”

John sighed, coming over and placing his hands on her shoulder. “You have no idea how much I want you. There are times when I’m near you where I think I’ll go insane if I can’t touch you, can’t feel your skin against mine, can’t have you completely. I struggle with it every time I’m around you. But it isn’t lust to me, my dear. That’s  _ love _ .”

Avery let out a sob and he pulled her close to his chest, his strong arms warm and comforting against her. She buried her face in his jacket, bunched up the fabric in her fists. She felt so conflicted, so confused about everything that had just happened. She’d started the day off with coffee and eggs with Jacob, spent most of it training, and in a matter of hours she’d gone from being in love with John secretly to his whole family knowing to practically getting engaged. 

“I need time, John,” she said after a while. He wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumb and she nearly began weeping again at how gentle he was. “I still want to be with you, I still want everything. But I need time to heal from this.”

“Of course,” he said. He placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she replied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read this far, I thank you! Now, onto some smutty goodness in this chapter! ;) enjoy!!

The car ride back to the cabin was silent and tense. Avery guessed that Joseph had told Jacob what had happened in the chapel. Jacob’s whole body was full of tension and he looked like he was holding back from saying a whole lot of stuff that he would likely yell rather than speak. She watched him but he kept his eyes glued to the road, his jaw working constantly.

“Jacob,” she said after a while. 

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did Joseph say something to you?”

“John  _ cheated  _ on you,” he growled.

She let out a frustrated sigh and made a mental note in her head to give Joseph a seriously hard time about the fact that Confession was supposed to be sacred and confidential. John had always ensured it was, never telling his brothers (aside from Joseph, but only if it was something he  _ needed  _ to know) what someone confessed to while he was with them. Joseph had gone and broken that rule. Jacob wasn’t someone who needed to know about that. Especially since he was already so protective of her.

“I forgave him, so you should too.”

Jacob scoffed, shaking his head. “You forgave him because that stupid fucking ceremony forced you to. You forgave him because you knew if you didn’t, you wouldn’t get to marry him.”

“I forgave him because that’s what love is, Jacob,” she shot back. “Not that you would know.”

Jacob slammed on his breaks, causing her to lurch forward, and she would’ve screamed at him for being such a dick if she hadn’t caught the look on his face. Something was wrong. He looked around, holding a finger up to her as she took a breath to speak. After a moment, he signaled for her to get her gun. She did, ensuring the safety was off and prepping it. 

“I thought I saw something. Just keep that at the ready.”

She nodded.

The last fifteen minutes of the ride were silent. When they finally made it to the cabin, he had to secure the area first, checking all around them for any signs of something wrong. Once he gave her the clear signal, she got out and kept her gun with her. He opened the door, motioning for her to stay outside while he checked the cabin. 

A mistake. 

Before she could react, a hand wrapped around her mouth and nose, pressing a cloth to her. Her screams were muffled and she fought to stay conscious, to not breathe in the formaldehyde that was clearly making her hazy. She tried to kick at the person, tried to knock them out with her arm, but they held her arms behind her back with their other hand. A gunshot rang through the air and suddenly she was released and she fell forward, everything around her dizzy and dancing in her vision.

Jacob stood over her, speaking words she couldn’t really hear or understand. All faded to black.

~

She awoke in her bed, her head pounding furiously. The sun was high in the sky and she vaguely remembered wanting to be at the river by dawn. Dawn! Of course! Her and John’s cleansing. She tried to jump out of bed but her head throbbed in protest, making her grip the sheets in pure agony.

“Here,” Jacob’s voice said from her bedside. 

She glanced up at him, her eyes still struggling to adjust to the light. He held a glass of water and three Tylenols out to her and she took them, struggling to sit up and drink the water. She managed and chugged the entire glass down quickly. 

“What…”

“A member of the Resistance tried to kidnap you,” Jacob explained. “They were waiting for us last night. They wanted me on guard so that I would go in the house before you and they could take you away.”

“Oh,” she replied. 

“They had the Deputy scout the area to try and find our hideout. He found the cabin and gave them the location before looting us and leaving. He was spotted again this morning in Holland Valley.”

“Wow,” she muttered. “That’s a lot of information to process.”

“You feel okay?” 

She nodded in response. “Aside from this fucking headache, I’m fine.”

“Good. Joseph said we’ll do the cleansing at dusk instead.”

Avery nodded, lying back against the pillows. “Thanks, Jake.”

“Just rest for now, let the formaldehyde wear off.”

She fell back asleep almost instantly.

~

He woke her up again around 4:00pm. Faith was with him, wearing a big smile and holding a makeup bag, a dress, and a flower crown she’d made. Avery felt better already so she got out of bed and had another glass of water before Faith did her makeup and hair. 

Avery was not a girly-girl by any means, so she never really wore makeup. She didn’t have the time, for one thing - she was always training, working or hunting. The other thing was she didn’t have the patience to learn how to do it well. She begged Faith to keep it simple, not overly dramatic or anything, and Faith agreed.

She did a waterfall braid across the back Avery’s head before placing the flower crown over her hair. She then handed Avery the dress, which was similar to hers in that it was white and lacy, but the sleeves were short and the neckline was a sweetheart, showing a little more skin than Avery was used to.

They walked out into the living room and Faith called Jacob in from outside where he was cleaning his gun and hunting tools. He came in and stopped in his tracks as he looked her over.

“Well, shit, Avery. You clean up good.”

“Shut up,” Avery grumbled, and Jacob laughed. 

They had dinner together - this evening they had elk, which Jacob had stored from a week or so back. Then they piled into Jacob’s truck and drove down to the river to meet up with Joseph and John. 

Jacob was careful as he drove, not exactly thrilled about the fact that the Deputy had helped the Resistance try to kidnap Avery. He didn’t want anything to happen to her, despite knowing she could take care of herself. She’d brought her bow and arrows with her just in case. Jacob told her she should bring a weapon to Joseph’s sermons now, too, if she felt safer with that. 

When they arrived at the river, the memories from the night before hit Avery in the gut like bricks and she nearly got sick to her stomach at the overwhelming feeling. She was still hurting from the confession John gave the night before, but more importantly, the idea of having to see Holly around at sermons and other events made her feel physically ill. She didn’t want to have to look at the woman who had bedded her partner so many times, especially during the times that he was with Avery.

John and Joseph were waiting on the edge of the river for them. When she got out of the car, John rushed towards her and pulled her in his arms. “I was so worried,” he said. “When I heard what happened last night, I couldn’t even sleep.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” she said with a smile. 

They walked towards the river, where Joseph was already standing, his Book in his hand. He read the passage, adding more about the cleansing in terms of courtship and how it gives them a clean slate to start together, how they must work to help each other overcome their struggles. Avery still felt a little light headed.

John was cleansed first, and then she was. When she came back up to the surface, Joseph smiled and placed his forehead against hers. She sighed, feeling so welcomed and loved by their family.

John took her hands and Joseph blessed them, reciting more about partnership, love, forgiveness, God and sins. She didn’t pay much attention. She just wanted to look into John’s eyes forever.

After the cleansing, they went to Joseph’s compound for a celebratory drink of champagne. While the Project forbade alcohol, mostly to help those followers who had come to them struggling with addiction, Joseph always permitted a small amount if there was a celebration. 

At the multiple weddings she’d attended in her five years with the Project, everyone was allowed to enjoy two glasses of champagne (the bride and groom were allowed their own bottle to split, unless one of them struggled with alcoholism in the past).

After a while, Avery walked outside and sat in Joseph’s garden, the warm Montana evening breeze blowing at her damp hair. She heard the door open and knew immediately that John had followed her out there. She didn’t mind. She wanted to talk to him without his siblings there to hear anyway.

He took a seat behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “For everything. I’m going to spend my entire life making it up to you.”

Avery smiled, resting her head on his chest. “I love you, John.”

“And I love you,” he said. “Holly means...nothing to me. I could always have her killed if that would make you feel better.”

Avery snorted. “Or I could just kill her,” she replied. “I don’t need someone to do it for me.”

“Of course not, my dear,” John replied, a smile on his lips. 

They stayed silent for a few moments, Avery feeling comfortable and relaxed against him. 

“When do you think we’ll be married?” She asked.

John shrugged. “Joseph mentioned within the next two months.”

“That soon?” Avery asked, turning to look at him.

“Well, the Collapse has begun, my dear. And I’d personally much rather a beautiful wedding outside in God’s gorgeous creation rather than under the ground in some cold, damp bunker.”

“Ah,” she replied. “Didn’t think about it that way.”

John chuckled, and kissed the top of her head. “We’ll likely have to deal with this Deputy and the Resistance before a wedding can take place.”

Avery let out a frustrated huff. That Deputy again. She couldn’t wait for the day where she would meet him face to face. She wouldn’t let him leave her presence alive. Not after all the chaos and destruction he’d brought with him to Hope County. 

She had a feeling, deep within her, that he would cause more damage before they would meet face to face. She knew Joseph wanted him kept alive, but if he pushed much further and took anything else away from the Project, she might just hunt him down and kill him herself.

~

After another week of absolute chaos, Avery was convinced that the Deputy was a ghost. He was everywhere at once - he’d liberate an outpost in Faith’s region, then hightail it back to Holland Valley to blow up some more of John’s silos. Then he’d hightail it up to the Whitetail mountains and fuck some shit up there, always eluding capture somehow.

John hated the idea that Avery was involved at all. He kept telling Jacob to keep her in the cabin, but Jacob had to keep reminding him that the Resistance knew their location and would likely try to kidnap her again. So they moved to the Veterans Center, where she would be safest and have the best access to the most weapons.

When she could, she observed Jacob putting new captives through the trials. She also trained new recruits that were brought to Jacob’s region in hopes of becoming part of the Chosen. She spent a lot of time with the Judges, too. Training them and conditioning them to follow exact orders. She worked and worked, barely having time to spend with John due to the chaos around them. 

When they did snag a moment alone together, it was dinner at his Ranch, which was guarded ten times more heavily than normal. As she got out of the car, many of the guards greeted her favorably. Those who didn’t make it through the training to become part of the Chosen were still strong, so they were kept usually as guards or other, lower ranks of soldier that the Project had use for. 

John greeted her with a smile and kiss at the front door and she could smell the delicious aroma of Italian spices in the air as she stepped through the threshold. He led her to the kitchen where he had two glasses of red wine already poured. He handed it to her and clinked his glass with hers before he went back to cooking.

“It’s almost done,” he said as Avery took a seat.

“What’d you make?”

“Creamy tuscan chicken with spinach, a salad and some apple pie for dessert,” he replied. “I know Jacob’s got you on a special diet but I figured a single slice of apple pie wouldn’t kill you.”

“It might, but I’m willing to take the risk,” Avery replied. 

It was true that all the Chosen were on a largely carnivorous diet that Jacob strictly enforced - it was the best diet for training and combat, he insisted. Avery didn’t have a problem, if anything, she actually liked it. They ate over 2,000 calories a day but they needed it for fuel for everything they did - especially now that the Deputy was wreaking havoc.

John finished cooking and placed a piece of chicken on her plate, drizzling some extra cream sauce over it. He placed the large bowl with the salad on the table and Avery saw it was chock full of nutritious veggies but it still managed to look utterly decadent and delicious. She wondered how the hell John had the skills to make her mouth water from looking at salad.

“Anything too crazy happen today?” She asked after they’d said grace.

“The Deputy’s been quiet around here,” he said, serving her and then himself some salad. “Been quiet in the Henbane, too. Anything in the Whitetails?”

“Nope,” Avery replied. “The Militia is making themselves more known again but other than that, silence.”

John shook his head. “He’s a fool,” he said. “A stupid, reckless, fool who we’ll kill in the end and things can go back to normal.”

“I keep trying to tell Jacob to let me hunt him down alone. I work well with the Judges and can control them better than a lot of those idiots. Most of them. From what I’ve heard, most of the Project were never around guns until they joined,” she said. “But he’s not too interested unless he really starts to go crazy in the mountains.”

John chuckled. “I admire how humble you are,” he teased.

“I learned it from you,” she teased back and he raised his glass to her.

“I’ll drink to that.”

They finished dinner and he heated the apple pie up in the oven before he cut it and gave her a slice. It was small, and he’d made it as healthy as possible by substituting the sugar and the flour. It still tasted delicious and Avery told him so. 

After dinner, they sat in front of the fire and talked about their wedding. She was grateful to talk about something other than the Deputy and the damage he was causing. She glanced at his hand for a moment, noticing the ring that was glistening in the fire light.

“I didn’t know you got your ring,” she said, reaching for his hand. 

He chuckled as he let her look at it. It matched hers almost perfectly, aside from the delicate and feminine nature of hers. His was stronger, the two entwining bands were thicker and more knotted than woven. She ran her fingers over the ring and smiled up at him.

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Joseph’s got good taste.”

“He does indeed,” he said with a smile. “Do you feel okay?” 

“I’m a little exhausted,” she replied. “I trained so many new people who weren’t even close to ready. I don’t know why Joseph thought it was a good idea to send them to be part of the Chosen. It’s like he was almost desperate. A lot of them failed within the first couple days.” She sighed as she leaned back against him. “Not to mention my own training and hunting and everything else. Jacob’s had me observe how to run the trials. He’s had me monitor a lot of the prisoners we have.”

John shrugged. “You’ve got talent, my dear,” he said. “Of course they’re going to utilize you.”

“I know,” she replied. “It’s just been tiring.”

John placed a kiss on her neck and she melted into him. “I could always run you a nice warm bath, if you’d like.”

“That sounds amazing,” she sighed, feeling herself become putty under his fingers. 

“I could join you, too,” he growled as he bit her earlobe.

“That’s sinful, John,” she teased. 

John shrugged behind her and moved his hips against her. She could feel his length pressed against her back, already hard. She let out a moan as his fingers traced the pattern on her shirt against her stomach, pulling her close to him.

“We’re going to be wed soon, anyway,” he said. “What’s the harm?”

She turned in his arms and knotted her fingers in his hair, pulling his head towards hers so she could kiss him. They were always borderline at best; teasing each other to the point where one of them had to leave the room lest they fall into temptation and have to atone for it later. But as he wrapped his arms around her body and laid back, pulling her with him, she didn’t care if she’d have to carve ‘lust’ into her body ten times over. She had to keep reminding herself that lust and love are two very different things, and it wasn’t wrong to want to do physical acts of love with the person you were bound to. 

She straddled his lap and could feel his cock straining through his dark jeans. She ground against it and he let out a moan below her, pulling her back in for another deep, wet, sloppy kiss. She bit at his lips and he grabbed her hips, moving her against him. 

Before she could register what had happened, he flipped her onto her back, sucking and biting at her neck. She let out a whine as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him as close as she possibly could. The butterflies in her stomach had traveled lower and God, did she want him. She’d craved his touch since the day she’d met him, the day she confessed all her sins to him. 

She remembered sitting in that chair, looking into his blue eyes and feeling this invisible string pulling her closer to him. The scent of his cologne drove her crazy, but that day was hot and she could smell his sweat, too. It made the feral wolf inside her howl with desire as he looked at her, fully exposed in all her sinfulness to him. She could tell he’d wanted her, too, the way his pupils blew wide when his eyes met hers, the way he shifted when she talked about her struggles with lust in the past.

To feel him between her legs at last was like a dizzying relief. She couldn’t get enough, couldn’t devour him as much as she wanted to. She wanted to swallow him whole, to make him into the animal she knew he was deep down. She wanted him to rip her apart and rebuild her from the rubble, into a new and better version of herself - one that had given all of herself to him completely.

She helped him unbutton his blue shirt, which she tugged off his shoulders. She pulled away for a moment, having never seen him shirtless before. She ran her fingers over the scar that read ‘sloth’ and found many more carved into his chest and arms. Greed, envy, wrath. They mixed with the gorgeous tattoos he had all over his chest. He took her hand and placed it over his heart, his breath erratic and shallow.

“Here,” he said, his voice low and gravely. She shuddered. “Here is where I’m going to get your name. I will be yours forever. Just as you will be mine.”

She wanted to weep as her fingers felt the beat of his heart within his chest. The idea of the world knowing who he belonged to, who he vowed to love for the rest of his days...it made her weak. She couldn’t help but want the same; for him to do what he did best and mark her. Mark her as his and his alone.

“I want…”she sighed, panting as he reached a hand under her shirt, gently running his fingers up her stomach to her bra. “John,  _ please _ .”

“What is it, my dear?” He asked, a smile on his face. 

She pulled him into a kiss and he moaned as he helped her out of her shirt. She was desperate to feel his skin against hers, to know what it felt like to be pressed against him in the best way possible. His fingers wandered down to her pants and he popped the button and unzipped them, sliding them down her legs. He paused for a moment, just as she had earlier, to take her in.

Her ‘pride’ carving rested on her shoulder, and he could see the tops of the letters but nothing else. The rest of her milky white skin was dotted with beautiful freckles here and there, but mostly her skin was...perfect. He stared at her breasts, so perfect and pretty, crowned with rosy pink nipples that he craved to put into his mouth so he could make her moan. Her stomach was slightly rippled with muscles, her arms too. He traced her skin lightly with his fingers and she sighed beneath him, arching into his touch, her back like the bow he rarely saw her without. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said, his fingers dancing close to her breasts. “So gorgeous.” 

He glided a finger over her already peaked nipple and she let out a whimper, rubbing herself against his leg. That did it. The desperate little sound that he elicited from her throat, the way she ground herself against his leg, desperate for friction, made him crash his lips against hers as he groped at her chest. He kissed down her neck to her nipples, taking one in his mouth and nearly moaning as she pulled on his hair, arching up into his touch. 

_ Fuck _ , he would never tire of those sounds she made. He played with the other nipple as he sucked and kissed the one in his mouth, before switching. She needed him to touch her lower, to touch her where she’d always wanted his skilled and gorgeous fingers. He looked down at her and carressed her face. His breath caught as she opened her mouth and he placed two of his fingers inside. She sucked on them and licked at them and he let out a growl deep in his chest as she closed her eyes and moaned. He moved his hand to ghost over her core and she keened.

He pressed hard, biting kisses to her chest and stomach, making his way further down until he was in front of her panty-covered cunt, his eyes drinking in the little wet patch that made him feel almost drunk with how much he wanted her, how much he needed to taste her.

He peeled the panties off and delved his fingers into her folds to sample her wetness. She was  _ soaked  _ and  _ God _ , that get him harder than he thought possible. She mewled and moved her hips against his hand, struggling for contact, for something better than his teasing touch. He kissed her abdomen, down her thighs and back up again, before pressing a light kiss to her clit.

Her hips snapped up to meet his mouth and he would have chuckled at how eager she was if he wasn’t feeling the exact same way. He would be patient, though, and make sure she got what she needed from him before taking what he needed from her. So he licked a trail from her opening to her clit, rougher this time, and she moaned his name as she laced her fingers in his hair.

He looked up and saw her hooded eyes watching him, and he sucked her clit into his mouth. She gasped at the feeling and bucked her hips. He continued his ministrations, eventually adding his fingers to prepare her for what was to come next. He could feel her whole body tensing around him, could tell she was so close and  _ fuck _ , did he need her to tip over the edge because he couldn’t wait much longer to be inside her.

“John,” she whined. “I’m gonna come.”

“That’s a good girl,” he growled against her cunt. “Come for me.”

She whined, rubbing herself against his mouth as he continued to lick and suck her. He moved his fingers inside her just so and she toppled over the edge, thrusting wildly against his mouth, her legs squeezing shut to keep him there while she rode out the first orgasm she’d had with another person, and her first one in nearly five years. She convulsed against him, whining and moaning and crying out his name as he continued to lick her, continued to make the waves of pleasure roll through her like a tsunami.

He made her come twice more with his mouth before he even thought about fucking her. She was a mess, begging for his cock after the third orgasm ripped through her almost violently. He was close already, he could tell. It’d been so long and he’d never felt so aroused, so ready to allow a single person to have everything he had to offer. 

He pulled off his pants and boxers and discarded them to the side somewhere. She stared at him, her eyes wide. “How…” she trailed off, a blush on her cheeks, feeling nearly delirious from the aftershocks of her last orgasm. “That’s not gonna fit.”

John chuckled and kissed her deeply, moaning as she sucked on his tongue and no doubt tasted her own juices. “I’ll be gentle,” he promised. 

He lined himself up with her entrance, and she let out a moan as the head of his cock rubbed against her oversensitive clit. He teased her a few more times that way before gently pushing into her. 

She let out a choked moan as he nudged his way inside her, burying her head in his shoulder and muttering his name over and over. He took his time, making sure he didn’t hurt her. He’d prepared her well enough before but he still didn’t want to push it. He wanted her to feel safe and comfortable with him, and know that he cared about how she felt and whether it was good for her.

Her nails scraped against the back of his neck as he finally got to the hilt, her lips gasping into his ear about how big he was.

“Take your time, my dear,” he said. 

She whined in response and he resisted the insane urge to start thrusting madly into her. She nodded at him after a little while and he slowly began to move his hips. He hoped he could keep this up - he was never good at the whole “gentle love making” thing. Sex had always been quick and fast and hard and dirty for him, but he wanted this to be special.

Until he felt her nails scratch hard down his back as she growled for him to fuck her harder into his ear. 

“What was that, baby?” He asked.

“Fuck me, John,” she whined. “ _ Fuck me _ .”

“Is that any way to ask for something you want?” He teased, and she narrowed her eyes at him as she tried to thrust up against him, but he put his hands on her hips to keep her from moving. “Ask nicely.”

“Please,” she moaned, throwing her head back in frustration. “Please fuck me hard and rough and raw and fucking come inside me and fill me up, please, John, please!”

He growled at the filthy babble that came out of her mouth and obliged, pounding his hips into hers. Her hips kept up with the pace, meeting his, and soon the only sounds that could be heard within the Ranch were the clapping of their skin slapping against each other and their moans and cries and growls.

John came harder than he ever remembered, filling her up to the brim with his seed. She followed quickly, her fingers sneaking down to tease her clit and push herself over the edge. He felt her walls contracting around his cock and thought he might pass out with pleasure.

He gently eased himself out of her and collapsed next to her on the bearskin rug he’d bought years ago, glancing over at her. She looked like a tired, sweaty, satisfied mess and he smirked to himself. He extended his arm and she took the invitation, cuddling up next to him and resting her head on his chest. 

“That was…” she said after a moment, still catching her breath. “John, that was amazing.”

“I think that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” he replied, glancing down at her. “You’re...unbelievable.”

She blushed and he kissed the top of her head. They stayed like that for a while, basking in the afterglow of their first time together. She wanted to sleep there, her eyes so heavy with the desperate need to sleep, but he insisted on going to his bed. He carried her up there, not bothering to clothe himself or her. When she laid down on his California King bed, she instantly thanked him for forcing her to come upstairs. It was the most comfortable thing she’d ever rested her body on, aside from John himself. 

He came back in the room with the last of the wine bottle and they sat in bed, drinking it. She glanced at his leg and saw the word ‘lust’ carved into his thigh.

“When’d you get that one?” She asked. 

“The same time I got the others,” John replied. “I figured I’d get them all out of the way at once. You know my life before Joseph came back into it.”

She nodded, not wanting to think about that. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what?”

She shrugged. “That you had a bad childhood. It’s not fair.”

“Well, you had one, too.”

“I guess.”

“You guess?” John asked. “You and your sister ran away.”

She shrugged. “I know. I just...I don’t like thinking that someone hurt you like that. It breaks my heart.”

He pulled her to him, kissing her. “Don’t think about that, now,” he said. “Let's think about happy things.”


	5. Chapter 5

They had sex three more times that night. Two more in the morning. And Jacob was not a happy camper when he walked in on their third session around 2:00pm. 

He hadn’t heard any noises, nothing to warn him about what the hell was going on in John’s room. But when Jacob opened the door and saw John pounding into Avery from behind, her hands bound behind her back and a blindfold over her eyes, while John spanked her as he fucked her, Jacob let out a horrified shout, quickly slammed the door shut and ran downstairs in search for some bleach to pour in his eyes so he’d never have to see  _ that  _ again. 

John, apparently, found it quite humorous, but Avery couldn’t look Jacob in the eye. So the car ride over to Joseph’s was awkward to say the least - but at least John had offered to drive so that he and Avery could sit up front and Jacob could sit in the back and ignore them while trying to scrub that visual from his memory forever. The worst part was when Avery rested her elbow against the armrest up front, her arm poised so she could rest her head in her hand, he could see she had rope burn around her wrists...something he definitely didn’t need to look at.

“It’s your own fault, brother,” John said as they got out of the car. “You’d think if Avery had not come home last night that she was doing something to the effect of what you saw-”

“John, shut the fuck up before I rip your tongue out so I never have to hear you speak again,” Jacob grumbled.

John laughed in response but Avery smacked him on the arm, her cheeks still bright red with embarrassment as they walked to the front door of Joseph’s house. Faith greeted them with hugs and a smile, saying lunch was ready for them. Avery and John exchanged a look, both of them equally unsure what the meeting was even about.

“John, I tried to radio you last night, but got no response,” Joseph said as they all sat down at the kitchen table. 

Avery felt the blush rise up on her cheeks again as she stared at the table while John tried to come up with some sort of excuse that didn’t involve being too busy fucking his future wife all night and all morning. 

“I...well, I was very busy with work and making dinner and-”

“They were fucking,” Jacob said gruffly, causing Avery to bury her face in her hands in embarrassment. 

“ _Smooth_ ,” she growled at him and he just shrugged as he stuffed the remainder of his turkey sandwich into his mouth.

“Really?” Joseph asked, his gaze fixated on his younger brother. “Did the two of you wed in some secret ceremony none of us were aware of?”

“We’re about to get married, anyway,” John said. “I really don’t see why it’s a problem.”

“The fucking isn’t the problem, Johnny boy,” Jacob replied. “It’s the fact that you couldn’t even be discreet about it.”

“Hey, we were discreet enough that you thought you could just barge into my bedroom without even knocking.”

“I would gladly cut out my own eyes so I never have to see that visual again,” Jacob shot back. “That was some...weird shit, John. Even for you.”

Avery refused to look up, keeping her head buried under her arms as she prayed for the moment to be over soon. She figured Joseph wouldn’t make them atone, not when they were engaged, so she wasn’t worried about that. But she was worried about everyone getting a glance into what their sex life looks like...and she had a feeling it did not go along with the Project’s moral code.

“It was all consensual. We talked about it beforehand extensively.”

“ _ Yuck _ !” Jacob said. “Please,  _ stop _ . I really, really don’t need to know anything about what Avery likes to do in...eugh!”

“I love her, Joseph,” John said, looking to the middle brother. “It’s not lust if love is involved. It’s not really a sin, if you think about it.”

Avery risked a glance at Faith, who was looking down but wore a smirk on her face. She immediately buried her head in her arms again, not ready to look at any of them. Not even John, at this point. She was too embarrassed by all of this. She wanted to get up and leave, but that required looking where she was going and maybe catching someone’s eye and wanting to melt into a puddle of shame.

Eventually, though, the conversation moved on. Well, as much as it could considering Joseph seemed to keep harping on how it’s wrong and that she and John should not be doing that unless they were married. Avery finally looked up to see Jacob looking at anything but the people around the table, John’s head bowed as he took Joseph’s light chastising and Faith was looking at her with a raised eyebrow and was holding back a laugh. 

“Can’t we just get married already?” Avery asked. “I don’t understand why we’re waiting.”

“We cannot have a wedding right now,” Joseph said. “The Deputy is causing too much damage to allow for a gathering of that kind.”

Avery glanced at John before she looked back at Joseph. “What about a small wedding? Just family?”

“Does that include your sister?” John asked with a glowering expression, no doubt remembering the time that Theresa tried to kill him. He seemed to hold grudges on anyone who attempted murder on him, which Avery really didn’t blame him for. 

“Obviously not,” Avery replied. “I meant just the five of us.”

Joseph glanced at John, as did Jacob and Faith. John was the type of guy who would (obviously) want a large, glamorous wedding. He’d want Avery in the most beautiful dress money could buy, would want to feast and celebrate into the night, maybe even into the next day. Avery knew it, too. She felt bad for even suggesting it then, as she took in the look in his eyes. John glanced at her.

“Is that what you want?” he asked.

Avery shrugged. “I know you want the big wedding but...I don’t know. I’m a pretty easy to please person, and I’d like an intimate ceremony. Maybe once this Deputy situation is settled once and for all, and the Resistance is crushed, we could have a big ceremony with a huge party afterwards. But I just don’t see why we’re waiting. We’ve been together for almost three years.”

Silence fell over the room as John considered the new option Avery presented. Avery held her breath, hoping this wouldn’t affect anything or that she didn’t offend him. You could never really tell with John, especially if he was quiet. 

“That could work.”

“Holly’s not invited to the big wedding,” Avery said.

“Obviously,” John replied, waving his hand. “Why don’t we do it tomorrow?”

Jacob shook his head. “Avery can’t live with you right now, John. We need her in the Whitetails. She’s training the soldiers, she’s learning how to run things.”

“I can still do that. I’ll just drive up to the Veterans Center in the morning,” she replied. “I don’t have to sleep there.”

“What about that cabin?” Faith asked.

“The Deputy found it, remember?” Jacob replied. “No way she can stay there now. Plus, I don’t want him looting it when she’s away. Then that’d just be a waste of supplies.”

“I’ll drive her with some guards in the morning, if you’re worried about the Resistance getting her,” John said.

“But you can’t be away from your territory either.”

“I have a radio. The followers can handle me being gone for an hour or so every morning. I’ll leave instructions behind.”

Avery glared at the oldest brother, her eyes knowing and it made Jacob uncomfortable that she could read him so well. “You’re still all weird about me marrying him, aren’t you?”

Jacob threw his arms up. “I give up. Do whatever you want.”

~

After another two hours of going back and forth, everyone settled on having the wedding tomorrow evening by the river. Avery was content with it as was John. They’d do it just before the sunset and then have dinner their new home with the family. 

Avery was beyond ready to marry him. Hell, she was ready about six months ago, but John had insisted they wait to even go public with their relationship because Joseph was worked up about the Collapse beginning. Turns out he’d been right and the Deputy had come into town so it was good that they prepared for all of it without the distraction of drama. But Avery was tired of waiting for something that she’d wanted a while ago. She was also tired of having restrictions on their relationship. They were both adults, they should be able to do what they wanted.

As she rode back to the Veterans Center with Jacob after they dropped John off at the Ranch, he was silent. She could tell he wasn’t happy about any of it. But she was flattered that he thought she deserved better than his own brother, that was saying a lot about him. She glanced over at him and saw he was tense as he was the night he found out about her and John.

“You gonna talk or just give me the silent treatment?” Avery asked.

“I need you at the Center,” he replied. “I need you to be on your game. How can I expect you to do that when you’re all distracted being a newlywed and shit?”

Avery rolled her eyes. “Jacob, have I once let my relationship with John get in the way of my job?”

Jacob huffed, running a hand over his beard. “No, I guess not.”

“That’s not going to change. The Project comes first. Especially with this Deputy in town,” she said. “I care about everything that we’re working towards. That’s why I’m here. I love the Project. I love your family. I’m not going to let anything happen to them.”

“Fine,” he replied. “If you start slipping, you’re moving back with me. End of discussion.”

Avery rolled her eyes but agreed. She knew she’d never start to slip, especially with that on the line. And she knew everything Jacob was doing was coming from a good place. She just wanted him to understand how happy John made her. 

She loved Jacob, beyond words. He’d been there for her, he’d listened to her when she woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare. They were a team, a strong one at that. A team that no one messed with if they were smart. He loved her too, she knew. She could see it in the way he rolled his eyes at her, the way he laughed at her jokes when he pretended not to, the way he helped her with her form when she was training or fighting. 

She would miss living with him, miss learning new things from him every single day. But she wanted to be with John. She wanted to live with him, to see his face every day. Especially with the stress and anxiety the Deputy had brought with him to Hope County. Nothing was safe; everything they’d worked towards could fall apart at any moment because of some new trick the Deputy had up his sleeve. She’d already lost friends to him, and her friends had lost loved ones. Suzie, a follower who had joined up with the Project in Georgia and followed them out here when she was 17, lost her husband during a fight with Resistance fighters for the Spread Eagle. Suzie got shot to death two days later. 

The devastation and pain that surrounded Avery was unreal. She felt powerless against it, and it felt like no matter what she did, the Deputy would never cease. No matter how many Resistance members she killed, no matter how many people she stopped from hurting her friends and family, they kept coming back. She understood why the Resistance was fighting the Project. She didn’t always agree with Joseph’s methods in terms of acquiring land and other materials, or followers. She didn’t believe forced conversion was the way, but who was she to doubt the Father? He spoke with God. He did what he did for a reason. But all she wanted was all this bloodshed to end.

She couldn’t wait for the time when they would come up from their bunkers into the new world. She dreamt about it often, how it would look. Most of the time, it was beautiful. The way it looked in her dreams reminded her of Faith. Flowers and untouched greenery everywhere, animals roaming all over, untamed. Other times, the dreams were scarier - darkness, loneliness. She didn’t like to dwell on those. Joseph always said that the new world after the Collapse would be something glorious, so she went with that and ignored the nightmares.

She watched the mountains and trees speed by. When they arrived back at the Veterans Center, Peaches was waiting for them. He looked bruised up and in bad shape. Avery wondered for a moment if Jacob was still punishing him for what he did, helping the Deputy escape. Luckily, Peaches had only gotten what looked like a warning. A blow to morale. But if he tried something again, he’d be in for a rough time.

Their rooms conjoined and he walked with her in silence, Peaches following behind them. She couldn’t help but notice Peaches was limping. She said goodnight to Jacob and Peaches took his post outside Jacob’s door. She waited for another twenty minutes, until she heard the tell-tale sound of snoring coming from the other side of the door before she crept out from her bedroom.

“Are you okay?” she asked. He didn’t answer her. “Hey, it’s okay to talk. Jacob sleeps like a rock.”

“I’m not supposed to talk to you,” he said. 

“Well, fuck that,” Avery replied. “I’ll decide who can and can’t talk to me.” She looked over him and saw he was pretty thin, too. “I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“I’ve been doing my own personalized trials,” Peaches replied. 

“Oh,” Avery said. “Rough time?”

“What do you think?”

“Is he starving you?” 

“Yeah. I haven’t eaten in three days.”

She sighed, and told him to wait. She walked down the stairs and through the endless maze of corridors that she absolutely hated. She carried her gun with her just in case, not wanting to run into anyone questionable. She got to the kitchens and asked the guy working the grill to make some steak, potatoes, green beans and a cookie. He gave her a quizzical look but when she told him it was for Jacob, he jumped to attention and went about doing his tasks. He handed her the tray with the freshly cooked food and a bottle of water. On the way upstairs, she found one of her best men, Sebastian. He’d been with the Chosen for almost as long as she had, joining a couple months after her. 

She got him to stand guard outside Jacob’s room because she needed to talk to Peaches and carry out some orders from Jacob. Sebastian looked at the food tray and raised an eyebrow, but she told him she was testing Peaches’ strength by eating a whole meal in front of him and seeing how he’d react. It wasn’t out of line with Jacob’s methods, so Sebastian took it. They walked up and Peaches stared at the plate in shock. 

“Get your ass in there, Peaches!” she demanded. 

He jumped and ran into her room without a second thought. She thanked Sebastian and closed her door. Peaches stared at her in complete confusion.

“I should be out there.”

“Eat first,” she said. 

“Is this a trick?” he asked. “That man’s gonna tell Jacob you’re feeding me.”

“I told him I’m testing you and I’m eating all this. Please, just sit down and eat.” 

She was tired of arguing and thought if he kept resisting her, she might actually do the cruel thing and eat the delicious smelling meal in front of him while he watched.

He ate it quickly, sighing in relief when he was done. “That was amazing.”

“Good.”

“Why are you helping me?” 

She shrugged. “You seem nice, and I don’t always agree with Jacob’s methods.”

He downed the rest of his water before closing his eyes. “Look,” he said. “You don’t have to stay here, you know? You could get out. We could help each other out.”

Avery backed away from him. “No,” she said. “I’m not like you. I  _ want _ to be here.”

Peaches laughed. “ _ No one _ wants to be here! They’ve brainwashed you. I mean, shit, from the rumors I hear, you’re marrying John. Which is...beyond fucked up. We could get outta here, find the others, join the Resistance and stop them from killing and torturing innocent people.”

He was getting close to her, a manic look in his eyes. She backed against the wall, wishing she hadn’t left her weapon on the other side of the room. She’d feel so humiliated if she had to kill him and explain the story to Jacob in the morning. He had her pressed up against the wall, his eyes wild.

“Please, just let me help you. Jacob’s conditioned you, but there’s a way to break it.”

“He hasn’t conditioned me,” she replied. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about and you need to back up.”

He listened, but only a little bit, putting his hands up in surrender. “You seem like a nice girl. Rook even knows your sister. I just...I want to help you. I wanna get outta here. Jacob’s crazy. I don’t want to be responsible for a poor girl getting married off to an even crazier brother.”

“I love him,” she shot back. “I love the Father. I want to be here. I’ve wanted to be here from the moment I got here.”

“Do you know what they’re doing?” He asked, desperate. 

“Yes, I do. They’re doing it to save these people.”

“They’re killing them. They’re stealing from them.”

“It’s for the greater good.”

“That’s their brainwashing talking. Let’s run away from here. With your shooting skills...I mean we could even sneak out and the guards could see us and you could lie to them like you did with Sebastian - by the time they figured out what happened and they tell Jacob, we’d be with the Resistance and safe.”

“NO!” She pushed him away from her, hard. He stumbled and fell over and she let out a gasp. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She ran to him on the ground but he pulled from her grip, standing up unsteadily.

“You’re just like them,” he shouted. “You’re a fucking psycho!” 

He stalked up to her, backing her against the wall again. Any other time, Avery would’ve destroyed him. But she felt bad for him. She’d had a soft spot for him since Jacob took him and trained him all those weeks ago. Her back was against the wall, his arms bracketing her there. 

“Get away from me,” she muttered.

“You’re nuts,” he hissed. “You love ‘em all, huh?” 

“Yes,” she growled back.

“Wasn’t aware there were whores in Eden’s Gate.”

She stared at him with confusion until he reached for her. She went into autopilot mode, shoving him away from her. He let out a yell as he stumbled again.  _ Weak _ , she thought.  _ Weak, weak, weak! _ But he got up. He charged at her with a yell, knocking her down. He fell to the ground with her and for a moment, she was terrified he’d get to do what he was trying to earlier. She couldn’t move, frozen in fear.

The door opened and Jacob barreled through it, lunging at Peaches. They wrestled on the ground for a moment before Jacob pulled him up and hauled him out. He came back ten minutes later, staring at her with an angry glint in his eyes.

“The fuck were you doing?”

“He was hungry, I was just trying to be nice.”

“I’ve told you what nice will get you, now and even more so in this new world Joseph sees,” Jacob said, his voice loud and echoing off the stone walls. “You’re strong, but  _ fuck,  _ do you sometimes act like a weakling.”

“I’m not weak!”

“No, you just bring a brainwashed prisoner into your room and expect it all to go well.”

“Do not fucking lecture me,” she shot back. “I was trying to show mercy. Joseph preaches about forgiveness and mercy all the time. He talks about it even when he’s not preaching. Don’t be a dick just because he was acting a little nuts.”

“He could’ve killed you.”

“Yeah, right,” she shot back. “I could’ve taken that nervous little...punk boy.”

Jacob scoffed and took the tray. “Fine. Whatever, Avery. You’re John’s problem now.”

He shut the door and she rolled her eyes before climbing into bed and screaming loudly into the pillow. Even though it was muffled, it still sounded loud. When she’d exhausted her energy, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. What she did was stupid, she knew that. She didn’t know why she did it - why she felt compelled to act kind towards someone who obviously wanted her and her family dead. 

She thought back to what he said, about the Deputy knowing her sister. Theresa. Avery hadn’t thought about her in a while and the mere image of her in Avery’s mind sent her reeling back towards memories from their childhood that she didn’t care to remember. Memories of their parents being gone for days, going on binges; her father yelling at her mother and Avery cuddling up with Theresa in their small bed, terrified; what it was like when her dad and mom would bring back some strange man and they’d get kicked out to go play while the man went into a room with their mom and paid their dad. While neither of them ever raised a hand to Avery or Theresa, not  _ really _ , she supposed, in comparison to what other people went through, there was so much wrong within the household that the two girls were often left to fend for themselves. 

Tears rolled down her cheeks at the thought and she mentally scolded herself for thinking back about all those things. She hadn’t heard anything about her mother or father since she’d left with Theresa all those years ago. She wondered if they were dead - it’d be a shock if they were alive, in all honesty. Not with their lifestyle and the amount of drugs and alcohol they consumed.

Avery didn’t want to know. She didn’t care. They weren’t her family anymore, and neither was Theresa. The only thing that tied her to them was her DNA and the fact that she was strong as the result of their abuse and neglect. Her grandparents had taught her how to shoot, how to work a bow and arrow, how to hunt. Theresa hadn’t had the stomach for it. Avery loved it. The only reason her grandparents taught her all that was in case she had to run away, or in case they abandoned their children in that trailer for good. Without such a fucked up family, she never would’ve been strong enough to be part of the Chosen. Jacob wouldn’t have looked twice at her. 

She was grateful for that, at least. The scars her mother and father left behind in the wake of their destruction showed a map of her life. Scars from accidents, broken glass, her parents trying to do things around the house with too many drugs in their system. They painted a picture on her skin, on her soul. She survived all those moments. She’d survive the end of the world and she’d stand with her family as they led their people into the new dawn.


	6. Chapter 6

Faith showed up at the Center in the early afternoon to help Avery get ready for the wedding. She curled her fiery red hair and braided it. It was thick, so she had a lot to work with. She complimented Avery about it over and over again. She did Avery’s make up, too. She ensured it was simple, the way Avery liked it. Faith also brought a dress along with her, which was beautiful. It was long and flowy with cap sleeves and lace on the bodice. It fit Avery perfectly. Faith put her veil in her hair and looked Avery over with a large smile on her face.

“You look so beautiful,” she said, pulling Avery into a hug. “I can’t wait for you to be my sister!”

Avery smiled back at her and agreed. “I can’t wait, either.” 

Jacob drove them to the river just before sunset. He was still in a gruff mood, so Avery didn’t try to talk to him. She wasn’t going to apologize for her actions the night before, and Jacob wasn’t going to apologize for his, she knew. 

When they made it to the river, the sun had just started setting. Joseph stood near the bank with John, who looked impeccable in freshly tailored dress pants, a new deep blue shirt, a tie and a boutonniere on his chest of baby’s breath and a small pink rose. Faith gave Avery a bouquet that matched it; light pink roses with baby’s breath. It was small but perfect. Avery never wanted anything over the top.

As Faith began walking down the small makeshift aisle (that was really just a pathway where the grass was cleared a bit and lined with lanterns...simple and beautiful), Jacob took his place to walk down after her. Avery grabbed his arm, feeling embarrassed but wanting him to know how much he meant to her, despite the last couple days. 

“Will you walk me down the aisle?” She asked.

She watched his eyes soften for a moment, his expression full of love and joy from her request. But of course, Jacob being Jacob, he masked it quickly. Well, most of it. The smile on his lips gave away his happiness.

“Of course,” he replied, holding his arm out for her to take.

They walked down the aisle and she finally could see John’s face. He wore a smile bigger than she’d ever seen. She returned it, her eyes tearing up as she clutched Jacob’s arm tighter. He complimented her, told her how proud he was of everything she’d accomplished since she had come to them. 

He released her once she was at John’s side, but not without a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. She wasn’t quite used to Jacob expressing any emotions, so the fact that he was showing her so much at one time was a little overwhelming. She hugged him back, thanked him for walking her down the aisle. Then she took John’s hand and the ceremony began.

Joseph talked about them as a couple, and it was clear that John had given him some information and anecdotes to tell. He talked about the time Avery tried to take John hunting and how horrible he was at it. Avery laughed at the memory and Jacob mumbled something about the fact that he would pay to see John attempting to hunt. 

“The first time they both realized they had feelings for each other, Avery was the first to say it. They’d just gotten back from flying in John’s plane and he made a joke that made her laugh so hard, she was on the ground with tears in her eyes,” Joseph said. “She let it slip that she loved him, and all laughter ceased as the words hit John. As the four of you know, John does not get told that very often by people other than his siblings. And to hear it from Avery, he said it made him feel weightless. Like his whole life was falling into place. He told her he loved her too, and they shared their first kiss. John will never forget that moment, even when he’s old and his memory has gone to the wind.”

Avery felt her eyes tear up at the thought of them, old and still married, still making each other happy. The idea of John retelling her that story over and over (as he did all the time anyway) made her heart ache in such a beautiful way. She thought of them having children, watching those children grow up in the new world, with their Uncle Jacob teaching them to fish and hunt and camp, Aunt Faith teaching them how to pick and plant flowers, how to get even wild animals to come to them and pet them. The Father telling them stories from the Bible, from his own life, always giving them an endless plethora of wisdom and knowledge.

She squeezed John’s hand tightly and took in his face. His expression - his soft eyes, the small smile on his face - made her wonder if he could read her thoughts, if he could see her visions of their future together in the glorious new world. 

The rest of the ceremony was short. Joseph had them exchange formal vows from the Bible. And then it came time for them to exchange personal vows. Avery had prepared something a couple days ago, just for fun, but now she wondered if she’d somehow known that their wedding would come sooner than she anticipated. She went first, feeling nervous.

“John, the first time I met you, I was a little scared. I’d heard stories about the confessions and atonements, how frightening they could be. But you sat me down and looked at me with those blue eyes and I felt safe confessing to you. I saw the beauty in it, the beauty you always talked about. I fell in love with you right then and there, and I’d never felt that way for anyone in my life. I was embarrassed, shy and felt like a silly school girl despite the fact that I’m the opposite of that normally. You are my life, the person God wanted me to be with. I vow to be the best wife I can be, to follow you and love you and help you be the best version of yourself. I vow to love you for all your faults, not in spite of them, but for them. I vow to be there forever, no matter the obstacles that come in our way. I vow to partner with you to raise our children, to love them in ways that we never were loved by our parents. I vow to be true to you and only you, for the rest of my days. In the presence of God and our family, I promise all this to you. I am yours as you are mine.” 

John squeezed her hands and she could see tears in his eyes. He pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket, and smiled down at her as he recited the words he basically knew by heart. She watched the hand holding the paper shake as he spoke words that he normally didn’t - like his oldest brother, John always struggled to get in touch with his emotions...the positive ones at least. Avery wondered if it was because he felt he didn’t deserve the positive emotions, and the thought nearly broke her heart.

“Avery, after your sister tried to kill me, my family worried that you were a threat. They forced you through horrible trials to test your loyalty, and I interrogated you, which we know is not an easy thing to go through. The day you confessed, I saw something in you. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew you were important. When I watched you go through those grueling tests of your faith, I saw how strong you were, how brave, how fearless. I was so proud of you. You are the fiercest woman I’ve ever known, the only one who doesn’t fear me or submit to me. You do what you want to do, you go your own way and make your own path, all the while keeping the Project in mind and your family’s best interest. I vow to feed the flame within you, to help you grow and be there when you need me. You are untameable, with a free spirit and I vow to never try to squelch that. I vow to protect you from anything that may intend to harm you. I vow to love our children, to be there for them and stay up late at night if they need me. I vow to build our place in the new world with you, to take care of our enemies and grow our family. I vow to be patient, to quell my sins and never take my trauma out on you. I vow to love you, forever, until my dying day and beyond that, when I meet you again in Heaven, for I am yours, and you are mine. Forever.”

They exchanged rings, and Avery somehow managed to keep the tears in her eyes. Her heart was so full she thought it might burst. Joseph pronounced them husband and wife in the eyes of God, and John pulled her into his arms for a passionate kiss. Faith and Jacob clapped, as did Joseph. As they pulled away, John stroked her cheek. 

“I love you so much, my wife,” he said, a smile on his lips.

“I love you even more, husband,” she replied. He chuckled and kissed her again, ignoring Jacob’s mumble of ‘get a room’, which made Avery chuckle into John’s kiss.

They went back to Seed Ranch, Avery in John’s car and Joseph taking her place in Jacob’s truck. As they drove back, Avery couldn’t stop kissing him. John kept laughing as she did, trying his best to keep the focus on the road. 

Eventually, after Avery kissed him so many times, John pulled over to the side of the road so he could kiss her properly. They made it back to the Ranch 15 minutes after Jacob, Joseph and Faith arrived and Avery tried not to blush at the knowing look Faith gave her. 

The dinner was delicious and delightful. Everyone was in a good mood, even Jacob. Not once was the Deputy brought up, and Avery was thankful that they could forget all the destruction and bloodshed that man was causing throughout the County. For that night, only joy and cheer were present. 

Joseph gave them a joint copy of the Book of Joseph, bound in a gorgeous leather casing with intricate leather work and an Eden’s Gate cross made out of gold on the cover. Faith said their gift was coming - she was going to preserve their wedding flowers so they could keep them forever. Jacob gave John a clock for his fireplace mantel that he’d constructed and carved, and Avery a rocking chair that he’d somehow kept hidden and had been working on for weeks without her knowledge. The chair was gorgeous, with intricate woodwork and designs of flowers all around it. She thanked him from the bottom of her heart, feeling emotional. 

When they left, Joseph told them that they had tomorrow off to enjoy themselves. Of course, with the Deputy in town and the Collapse near, they couldn’t go on a regular honeymoon, but neither of them cared. A day off sounded perfect and wonderful to Avery.

After they were gone, John carried Avery up to bed. He took his time with her, worshiping every single spot on her body - every freckle, every inch of skin. He made her come so many times she lost count, not even thinking of himself until she was completely satisfied and happy. 

When he slid inside her, something overcame the both of them. Tenderness, love, joy...all sorts of emotion built up in both their chests that they went slow and gentle, savoring every single moment, every touch, every kiss. She clung to him as he rocked inside her, breathing his name and wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. She felt every inch of him, and couldn’t think about closing her eyes. She just wanted to see him, the pleasure on his face.

When he came, she watched him in awe. When they caught their breath, he pulled her into his arms and traced invisible patterns on her skin. She’d never felt so content, so happy. This was where she belonged; in his arms. His embrace was her new home and she could not wait to spend the rest of her days there.

~

They made love many more times that evening. Avery lost count. When she awoke in the morning (or, rather, afternoon), John came walking in with a tray full of eggs, cheese, sausage, bacon, orange juice. They ate breakfast in bed, and did not leave it the rest of the day unless they needed water or to relieve themselves.

Once night fell, they shared a bottle of red wine and sat in John’s bathtub, bubbles nearly overflowing onto the tile floor. He had a Jacuzzi tub so there was plenty of room, but Avery couldn’t stand the idea of not being in his arms. 

“If you could be any animal, what would you be?” She asked.

He chuckled into her hair, in the middle of planting a kiss to her head. “I don’t know. A tiger maybe?”

“I could see that,” she replied.

“I know what you would be,” John said.

“Really?” She asked. “What?”

“A wolf.”

She laughed, nodded. “You know me all too well,” she said.

“You remind me a lot of Jacob,” he observed. “We both know he’d be a wolf, too.”

She sighed, taking a sip of her wine before responding. “Why are we talking about your older brother while we’re in the bathtub?” She teased.

John chuckled and splashed her a bit, causing her to squeal. “I was observing.”

“You’re just saying that because I have red hair and like wolves.”

John shrugged. “No. You’re brave, strong. You hunt. You don’t let other people tell you what to do. You’re smart. Very smart.”

Avery laughed. “Thanks, I guess,” she said. 

John kissed her, tilting her head up to meet his lips. “I love you. I can’t wait to grow old with you...to walk into the new world with you.”

Avery turned in his arms so she was facing him and straddled his hips, feeling his hard cock poking at her entrance. She wondered where the hell he got all this energy, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.

“I can’t wait, either, John.”

They made love in the tub. And everywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the happiness, folks. I'm about to bombard this whole thing with lots of angst, thanks to the Deputy. Thanks for reading this far!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, this chapter is absurdly long. Second of all, it's got some violence up in here. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! :)

The next two weeks pulled the love birds back into reality. While they made sure to spend as much time with each other as possible, the Deputy’s Resistance was growing and they were focusing all their attention on Holland Valley. John was calling in a lot of the Chosen, which left the Henbane as well as the Whitetails without the resources they needed. The Resistance still attacked in the Henbane and the mountains, so it was harder to fight them off. 

Avery trained her Chosen as best as she could. She led them into the defenses. She helped them kill the Resistance members as best as they could. But what they really needed was to find the Wolf’s Den, where Eli Palmer and his Militia were hiding out. Avery didn’t like the idea that they were somewhere in her territory but she couldn't find them. It made her feel like her home was infested with venomous snakes. She would go on the hunt for it often, but typically before she could even get anywhere, she was needed somewhere else in Hope County.

John was stressed, too. He was losing resources. He couldn’t capture the Deputy, nor could any of his people. The Deputy was like a snake and managed to slip from their grasps every time. Things were getting tense with Joseph, who wanted the Deputy to be indoctrinated into the Project. He wanted John to obtain a confession from the Deputy, to get the rookie to come onto their side and say yes to the Project. But of course, John couldn’t get that from him unless he was captured. 

Finally, John hit some good luck and his hunting party got the Deputy. Avery was called to the Cleansing which the Deputy was to take part in and watched the scene with a gun in her hand, wishing she could just shoot the bastard and get all this bloodshed over with.

John had let his wrath get the best of him and dunked the Deputy under the water again, choking him. Avery watched with a working jaw, knowing if Joseph got word of what happened, he wouldn’t like it.

Sure enough, the Father showed up. 

“Do you mock the cleansing, John?” He asked, causing John to turn, startled at his brother’s voice. 

“No, Joseph,” he replied back. Avery could see the fear in his eyes. 

“You have to love them, do not let your sin prevent that.”

John looked ahead of himself, not looking at his older brother. Avery could tell he was nervous, that tensions were high within their family. Of course they were. John was trying so hard to keep his territories and outposts but the Deputy was somehow still managing to take it all away from him. Joseph wasn’t pleased, Avery knew. It was clear in the amount of meetings at the Ranch between the two of them, the way John acted after each one, his head hung low and muttering things about not being good enough.

“Bring that one to me,” Joseph said. 

The follower who was holding the Deputy brought him to Joseph, who grasped his arms and muttered words to him that Avery couldn’t hear. John followed, looking low and scared. She wondered what he was so scared of - that was his brother, his protector. Joseph talked to the Deputy, even pressed his forehead against the other man’s. Avery wasn’t expecting that - a gesture usually reserved for those close to him. When Joseph was done, he turned to John.

“This one shall reach atonement. Or the Gates of Eden will be shut to you, John.” Joseph placed his forehead against his brother’s and Avery’s stomach clenched at Joseph’s words. How could he threaten to shut the gates of Eden to his baby brother? And what did that mean for her and for their future children?

“Yes, Joseph,” John replied. Joseph left and John’s face was soft, nearly broken. Then he turned back to the Deputy. “You will confess. Every sin you’ve ever committed...no matter how petty, no matter how small...I will pull from you. Then we’ll see if you’re worthy of Atonement.”

As the follower led the Deputy into the van, John still looked broken, staring out across the water. Avery waited until everyone was gone before she walked over to him, placing a hand on his back.

“No matter what I do,” John muttered. “It’s not enough.”

“The Deputy will wear down in time. He’s clouded with his sin, John. It’s not your fault.”

“It is!” John said, turning swiftly, nearly knocking her over. “It’s all my fault. It shouldn’t be as difficult as it is. I need to focus on the Project. This is too distracting.”

“What is?”

“Us.”

Avery snorted. “You’re joking.”

“I love you too much, Avery. It’s like it consumes me, my entire body, my mind. Whenever we’re apart, I can think of nothing else but you. When we’re together, it’s like I’m whole again, whatever parts of me that my parents stole are filled with you there. But I can’t let that take away from what I need to do.”

“I’ll  _ help  _ you,” Avery said. “I promised to help you for the rest of our days. I’ll help you think of ways to get him to see, to understand what we’re doing.”

John rested his head on her shoulder, taking a deep breath. “If Joseph closes the gates of Eden to me...I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“It won’t come to that,” she replied, rubbing his back. “C’mon. Let’s go home.”

~

Sure enough, the Deputy escaped - the results of a rescue party coming in and getting him. The news warranted a visit from Joseph to the Ranch, where they spoke for nearly three hours in John’s study upstairs while Avery was gone, working on finding the Militia. 

“John, you need to get a confession. The Deputy has a vital role to play in the new world. We need him.”

“I understand, Joseph. I’m sorry - I didn’t think they would send out a rescue mission for him.”

“He’s their leader, of course they would.”

John sighed, nodding. “I will work tirelessly until I find him and bring him to Atonement, Joseph.”

Joseph sighed, sitting back in his chair and looking at his brother critically behind his yellow sunglasses. “Avery is a distraction, isn’t she?” he asked.

“No,” John replied firmly. “No. She’s helping me think of ways to fight the Resistance. She’s helping me fight them with her Chosen. She’s essential.”

Joseph sighed. “She should be protecting the Whitetails. Jacob’s holding his own but that Militia is also getting stronger. They’ve already taken a couple Chosen and tortured them for information.”

“I know,” John replied. “I just...I need her. She’s the only person that knows me this way…”

Joseph watched his little brother, watched the way his brow furrowed and how broken he looked. Ever since his threats to close the gates of Eden to him, John looked more exhausted and downtrodden with each visit. Joseph knew Avery was good for him, had seen the way she could lift his spirits and renew his energy. His worry was that John was relying too heavily on his new wife, who was already acting as a fifth herald between John’s region and Jacob’s. 

The members of the Project had begun to really see her as a leader after Joseph announced that she and John were married and her last name was officially Seed. She wasn’t a housewife; she was strong, a warrior, fiercely independent and a born leader. They all loved her. She almost humanized John to them, as well, he could tell. If he was standing with Avery, more of the flock were likely to come talk to him than they were before. 

Joseph knew he couldn’t shut the gates of Eden to her. Jacob certainly wouldn’t allow it. But if John needed that punishment, if John needed to be left alone to deal with his failures and sins, she would never come into the Garden with them. Not without John.

Joseph thought back on their time together. He’d known very early on about their relationship, but granted his brother his privacy. Avery earned hers, too. But he hadn’t understood why they kept it a secret. And they hadn’t done that great of a job, either. They always were talking to each other, even in a crowd. It was always Avery that John’s eyes focused on. Even during sermons, Joseph would turn and see John looking at Avery. 

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took off his glasses.

“I’ll do better, Joseph,” John said. “I promise.”

They heard a door open and close downstairs, signaling Avery’s return home. John glanced at Joseph, silently asking for permission, before Joseph nodded. John thanked him and stood up, opening his office door and going down the stairs. 

What greeted him was not what he expected. 

“She’s hurt,” the Chosen whose name John couldn’t remember said, holding Avery in his arms. She was out cold. “The Militia got her.”

“What?” John asked. He moved swiftly, pushing the decorations off the coffee table and laying a blanket over it, and the man sat her down. “What happened?”

“We were scouting the area and an arrow got her. Just as ours are infused with Bliss, this is something else entirely.” 

John looked at her as the man spoke. She was shaking, violently. He glanced down at her arm, which was heavily bandaged but blood was still seeping through. John pressed his hand to her forehead and hissed. 

“She’s burning up. Joseph!”

His older brother made his way down the stairs and when he saw Avery, he rushed to her side. “She’s going to be fine.”

Joseph radioed Jacob and Faith, telling Faith to bring some Bliss to knock her out so they could sew up the wound. 

“What’s your name?” John asked the Chosen. 

“Sebastian. I’m...we’re good friends.”

“Sebastian. Thank you. Do you know what the arrow was laced with? Was it some sort of poison?”

“I don’t,” he replied. “But I do know they cut her with a knife, too.”

John stared at him for a moment and turned back to see Joseph untying her top. “What are you doing?” John asked.

“She’s bleeding through her shirt, John,” Joseph said. He looked up at Sebastian. “You didn’t bandage it.”

“I ran out of bandages. I got some wounds as well,” he said. “Jacob only tells us to carry so much.”

John growled. “So you used them on yourself like a selfish-”

“John,” Joseph warned. 

John took a deep breath. “When will Jacob get here?”

“He said he was around the area. Why didn’t you bring her back to the Center? That was far closer.”

Sebastian sighed. “She said she wanted to come here.”

Joseph nodded and got ice packs, to bring her temperature down. John got her out of her Chosen uniform and Sebastian looked away, not wanting to see something not meant for his eyes. John stared at the wounds on her stomach in horror. Someone had carved the word “Whore” into her skin.

When Joseph came back with a first aid kit and a needle and thread, he saw it too. He touched John’s back, as if to stabilize him. 

“How...how could they do this to her?” John asked. 

“They’re clouded with sin.”

“She wears hers proudly on her body and they still had to do this?” John’s eyes were cloudy with tears, which he quickly blinked back. He wasn’t about to let some random Chosen see him break down. “These will be here forever, Joseph. Forever.”

Joseph knelt down at his brother’s level, pressed their foreheads together. “She’ll survive. She’ll move on. It’ll be alright.”

John stood and threw something. He couldn’t control the rage. He felt so helpless. Why couldn’t he protect her? That was his job, wasn’t it? As her husband? To love and protect her. To provide for her. But here she was, on their coffee table, with a disgusting word carved into her flesh. He wanted to skin every single member of that fucking Militia alive until they begged for mercy. His fingers itched to wrap around a throat. He could see red behind his vision.

“What the fuck happened?” Jacob’s angry voice yelled from the door. He stomped in and looked down at her, his expression turning from hard to broken in an instant. “Who did this to her?” He whipped around and looked at Sebastian.

“The Militia, sir,” Sebastian replied. 

“Do you know which one? Which sick fuck carved the word ‘whore’ into her like that?”

“I didn't see much, sir,” Sebastian said. “She had me go back to alert the others that she saw something. Then when I came back, someone was cutting her. They were wearing a mask.”

Jacob growled and looked back down at her. “Why’s she all fucked up?”

“She was hit with an arrow. It was laced with something.”

“Jesus,” Jacob breathed. 

“Don’t blaspheme,” Joseph scolded.

Jacob glared at him. “Avery is sitting here with poison in her system and obscenities carved into her. I don’t give a fuck about my language, Joseph.”

John couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t. If he did, he’d go blind with fury and not stop until he burned everything in Hope County down in search for the motherfucker who did this to her. He could see the red clouding his vision, the tell-tale sign of his fury that might take over any second. 

“This is violent,” Joseph said. “Even for the Militia.”

“Maybe it wasn’t the Militia, then,” Jacob said. “Maybe it was the fucking Deputy?”

Avery let out a groan, her eyes still closed, and John ran to her side. Jacob took the first aid kit from Joseph and began cleaning her wounds, causing her to scream all the profanities in her vocabulary. John couldn’t look away from the word, carved over the stomach that would soon be round with his child. He’d imagined it often. The idea of talking to her belly, kissing it...now he’d see that word and it’d make him angry and furious.

“J-John?” Avery asked. “Fuck, I’m so cold.”

“We gotta clean the cuts,” Jacob said, glancing up at her face. “You okay, pup?” 

“No, I’m not f-fucking okay!” She yelled back. “That fucker cut my stomach open a-and said some fucked up things in my ear!”

John’s eyes narrowed at that. “What’d he say?”

“Not the time, John,” Jacob growled.

“He called me a whore. He told me I deserved to die. He told me…” she let out a scream as Jacob cleaned more of the wounds. “He told me the only reason I was alive was so I could be a breeding machine for all of you. It was sick and twisted and I just...FUCK, that hurts!”

Jacob bandaged her up and then took a look at the arrow wound on her arm. John tried to regulate his breathing, he tried to calm down and gain control over his emotions. But he just kept imagining this stranger’s hands on her, his mouth whispering such disgusting and foul things. He looked over at Jacob, who was clutching her hand and holding her down as Joseph continued to clean the cuts. She was shaking and sobbing and as he looked at her face, her eyes were on him.

“John,” she muttered and he felt his heart shatter.

“I’m here,” he replied, his voice rough with desperation. He took Jacob’s place next to her, Jacob moving closer to her legs to help Joseph clean the cuts. “I’m so sorry, Avery,” John said, placing his forehead over hers. “I’m going to find that motherfucker.”

“I thought he was going to k-kill me,” she said, shivering. “FUCK I’m freezing!” 

“Get her a blanket!” John ordered.

“She may feel cold, John, but her body temperature is too hot. We can’t do that,” Joseph replied. 

Avery let out a growl and a sob. Her whole body was trembling. John held her until Joseph and Jacob were done cleaning and bandaging her properly. Her fever was still high but it had gone down a little bit. They brought her upstairs to their bedroom and John got into bed with her, holding her as gently as he could in his arms. Joseph and Jacob said they’d sleep in the Ranch and to shout if Avery needed anything.

“Do you have any idea who did this to you?” John asked.

“N-no,” she replied. “His voice sounded familiar though.”

“Really?”

“I couldn’t place him,” she said. 

John stayed with her until she fell asleep. He got up and walked downstairs to see his brothers having dinner. He joined them, his heart heavy. As he sat down, Joseph made a plate for him and placed it in front of him. 

“I want scotch, not this shit,” John muttered. 

“I know,” Joseph replied, placing his hand on John’s. “But we all know that’s not a good idea.”

They sat in silence for a while, eating the pasta Joseph had cooked (and not Jacob, thankfully). Out of nowhere, the silence was shattered by shouts outside, and then a brick came flying through the window, nearly hitting John in the head. He got up and away from it, staring at the thing, as they heard tires screech and drive off, gunshots blazing as they tore through the guards. Jacob ran outside to check on the men and John bent down to pick up the brick, which had a note tied to it.

“She gets pregnant, we carve the baby out and throw it in the Henbane. No nephew of mine will be born of a Seed.”

John let out a growl. Theresa. Her own sister had planned all this. Joseph sensed the change in John’s demeanor and put a hand on his back in a show of support. But John knew what he wanted to do. He looked over at Joseph and showed him the note on the brick. Joseph, a man who had a capacity for violence just like his brothers, was shaken by it. He put a hand to his mouth and shook his head.

“Just as the Pharaoh did to Moses,” he muttered. “It’s her sister, then?”

“I heard her sister got married a year or so back,” John said. “Avery was real upset about it. Supposedly, she married someone high up in the Resistance. Someone who hates us just as much as this Deputy appears to.”

“Which one? Do you remember?”

John shook his head. “She’d be able to tell you.”

“Do you think he’s the one who hurt her earlier?”

John shrugged. “I knew Theresa for a short time but in knowing her, I doubt she’d condone something that violent towards her sister,” he said as he took the brick from Joseph’s hand. “This, though? This is probably her.”

“Isn’t this a violent act? Much worse, I think, than what happened to her today.”

John let out a breath. “It’s a threat,” he said. “A threat isn’t actual violence. I think it was more meant for me than her, anyway.”

“What’s going on?” Avery’s small voice caused the two brothers to turn. She was wrapped in a robe much too big for her and John would’ve chuckled if she wasn’t so pale. 

“You should be in bed, darling,” John said as she shakily made her way down the stairs towards them.

“I heard the noises. I was scared.”

John wrapped her in his arms and tried to ignore how her legs basically gave out once she had his support. Joseph pulled out a chair for her to sit in but she wouldn’t let go of John, so he picked her up and sat in the chair, placing her on his lap. 

“Who was it that your sister married, Avery?” Joseph asked after a moment.

Avery snorted. “She married the veterinarian. What’s his name? Dr. Lindsey.” 

John frowned. “ _ That _ guy?”

“So he wasn’t the one who did this to you?” Joseph asked, gesturing towards her stomach.

“No,” she replied. “He wouldn’t do something like that.”

John sighed and handed her the brick. “We got this special delivery while you were upstairs.”

Avery read it and felt dizzy almost immediately. John moved her to rest her head on his shoulder and ran a hand down her back. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

“I’ve been hearing on the radio frequencies that she’s not happy you and John are wed,” Joseph said. “She’s mentioned trying to kill us, but John especially. She thinks your marriage was not of your own free will.”

Avery let out a sigh. “I have to go see her,” she said, moving to go up the stairs and get her clothes on so she could talk to her sister.

“No,” John said, stepping in front of her. “This could all be a trap.”

“It’s not,” Avery replied. “I’ll bring Jacob with me.”

“Not me?” Despite all of this, John still felt hurt.

“No, she’d try to kill you like she did the last time,” Avery replied. She moved past him with ease, because he didn’t want to hurt her anymore than she’d already been hurt. So she went upstairs and changed. She came back down and Jacob was rinsing his hands of blood and gave her the numbers and body count so she could make the notes the following day. 

When she told him her plan, he shook his head. “No way, pup. It’s too dangerous.”

“I know exactly where she is,” Avery said, wincing as her shirt rubbed against the bandages. She was in jeans and a flannel button down with her hair in a long braid that draped over her left shoulder. She wouldn’t risk going to town in her uniform.

“Where?”

“The bar,” Avery said. “The Spread Eagle.”

Jacob agreed to take her. They drove in silence, mostly because Avery didn’t feel well enough to be talking. She brought with her a white dishrag from John’s as a makeshift peace flag. She was going in unarmed, which Jacob really hated. But she told him to wait for her outside and to keep his gun in the back. 

As Avery walked in, the noise of chatter and laughter stopped almost instantly. She looked over the members of the Resistance with a proud face. “Where’s my sister?” She asked. 

“Your kind aren’t welcome here,” Mary May Fairgrave said, her tone harsh as she pulled out her gun from behind the bar. “Get out.”

“I need to talk to my sister,” Avery replied. “I got the word ‘whore’ carved into my body by one of your people today, and I think she might know who.”

Mary May’s face softened up at that for a moment before it hardened and she pointed the shot gun at the redheaded girl again. “You sure that wasn’t your fucked up husband.”

Avery’s eyes narrowed as she walked forward, arms outstretched, until her chest was pressed against the barrel of the gun. “Do it,” she hissed. “If you’ve got the guts to face what John will do to you when he finds out.”

“I don’t believe you,” Mary May replied. “Let me see the wound.”

The group had crowded around them and Avery sighed. She pulled up her shirt and Mary May’s jaw dropped. “Happy?”

“Jesus Christ,”

“That’s blasphemy,” Avery muttered, pulling her shirt back down as she glanced at the group and took in their reactions. They were horrified, too. “I also got a brick thrown through my window tonight that said something about if I ever become pregnant, this person will carve the baby out of me and throw it in the Henbane. Because no nephew of theirs will be born of a Seed. So I think I need to speak with my sister.”

Mary May nodded, lowering the gun. “You unarmed?”

“Obviously,” Avery replied, waving the white dish rag around. “Hence the terrible attempt at a peace flag.”

Mary May nodded. “She’s upstairs.”

“Thanks,” Avery muttered. 

The crowd parted for her as she made her way towards the stairs. She climbed them as best as she could and could hear the whispers and murmurs of the crowd downstairs. She hoped they didn’t notice Jacob outside. That wouldn’t do too well.

The door was closed but Avery knocked, hard. 

“Just a second,” her sister’s voice called through the door. Avery felt her stomach clench and she hissed at the pain. When the door was pulled open, she was greeted with her sister’s smiling face, which quickly faded. “Holy shit...Avery?”

“You know anything about this?” Avery asked, lifting her shirt up again. 

Theresa’s hands flew to her mouth as she shook her head vigorously, her short, curly brown hair flying this way and that as she did. “What happened?”

Avery pulled the fabric back down. “You gonna invite me in?”

“You got any weapons on you?”

“No,” she replied. “Except this brick someone threw into my window.”

She handed the brick to her sister, who glanced at the note and sighed. She opened the door wider and Avery stepped into the modest room. Why was her sister staying here and not at her home? Avery wondered if the Project took her home from her and instantly felt pain course through her. 

“This wasn’t me, A,” Theresa said. “This is...disgusting.”

“Was it your stupid husband?”

“No!” She shot back. “He’s one of the smartest people in Montana.”

“Not a very difficult accomplishment here in this lovely, small-town state, is it?” Avery growled back. “You know nothing of any of this?”

Theresa sighed, sitting down at the little desk near Avery. “I...as much as I hate that you’re married to that violent piece of shit, I wouldn’t do any of this to you. I’m not our parents.”

“Fine,” Avery replied. “You got any idea who did it, then? Because I’ll be honest, I’m not one to let something like this go unchecked.”

Theresa sighed and glanced up at her sister. “Take a seat for Christ’s sake.” Avery sat on the bed. “There was chatter over the radio today. Someone who wouldn’t reveal their name talked about cutting up Peggies, I mean -” she glanced at her sister as she said the derogatory term. “Followers or whatever...and doing some fucked up shit like keeping souvenirs of all the...followers he killed.”

“He wouldn’t reveal himself?” Avery asked.

“Nope,” Theresa replied. “It was sick and eventually enough people kept interrupting that he went silent.”

“Which frequency?”

Theresa grabbed a piece of paper from the desk and wrote down the numbers “666”. Avery nearly laughed out loud. 

“He said his name was Ghostkiller or something.”

Avery took the piece of paper and thanked her. “I’m sorry,” Avery said. “I’m sorry that...I don’t know. That we’ve strayed so far from how we used to be.”

“I’m sorry I missed your wedding,” Theresa said with a sarcastic edge. “Heard it was a nice intimate ceremony.”

“I know you think they forced me into it,” Avery said. “They didn’t. I’ve been in love with John for...years.”

“How?” Theresa asked. “How the hell can you love that man?”

“There’s a side of him no one else sees,” Avery said with a shrug. “I’ll get outta here. I’ll try to find this Ghostkiller or whatever he calls himself.”

“Be careful.”

Avery smiled and hugged her sister as tight as she could with her wounds before she left. As she headed down the stairs, silence reigned over the bar again. Avery stepped down the last step and froze in her tracks at the sight before her. The Deputy. Avery stared for a moment, and the man didn’t seem to realize who she was because he was only picking up on the weird tension and not even looking at her. 

Behind him was a man she hadn’t seen before. Around his neck rested the mask she’d seen before. Her stomach clenched. 

“Ghostkiller?” She growled. The man turned and looked at her with an amused expression.

“There’s the Peggie whore!” He said. He was big, over 6’3”, muscular, bald. She’d never seen him around town, that she knew of at least. “My sister turned tramp to John fucking Seed.”

“What?” Avery asked. “Who are you?”

“Adam Greene,” he said, his eyes dancing with amusement. “Your older brother.”

“I don’t have an older brother." 

“Ma and Pop never told you about me, huh? What about Theresa?”

He walked over to her slowly, a smirk on his face. When he reached her, she felt small. This motherfucker could take her. It was then that she noticed his bright green eyes. “I have no idea who you are,” Avery growled. “Get the fuck away from me.”

“Listen, honey,” Adam said, his finger ghosting along her cheek causing her to flinch away from his touch. “Your father was a sick fuck who slept with plenty of girls that weren’t your mother. I’m the result of that. He took me in for a while after my mom died in childbirth delivering my brother, who died with her. I was seven, and you were about...three. Maybe four. Theresa was six. And he tossed me out after two years, just like that.”

“Cry me a river,” she replied. “Better you got out before they got hooked on blow and crack and all that fun shit.”

“He left me at a park. Abandoned me.”

Avery heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She wanted to run to Theresa, to have her deal with all of this. “He hit me. He made me…” she let out a sigh. “He did a lot of shit that parents aren’t supposed to do. But I’m not some piece of trash who takes my abuse out on other people.”

“I came here with my family when I was ten. And I grew up, I got a nice cabin out in the woods, I got married. But what happened? This fucking cult came in here and took all of that from me!”

“Adam?” Theresa’s voice was rough behind her. “When did you get back?”

“In time to find our baby sister and tell her what she really is,” Adam replied with a sick smirk. “You married John fucking Seed, huh?” 

“Get away from me,” Avery warned as he touched her cheek again. She pulled out a knife from her boot quickly, pointing it at his face. “I’ll carve an eye out and not even flinch.”

Adam chuckled and let her go. “I bet you would,” he said. “They’ve really done a number on you. They have you thinking they’re doing the right thing.”

Avery was shaking. Why did Theresa know him? As if they had seen each other recently? Was Adam part of the Resistance the same way Theresa was? Was he worse? Her mind was reeling and she felt extremely overheated and dizzy. He chuckled as he took in her paling expression, the sweat on her brow.

“Those cuts get infected, huh?” He asked.

Avery pushed the knife into his cheek, enough to draw a bit of blood. “I’m glad our father threw you the fuck out,” she hissed. “After the disgusting, fucked up shit you said to me today...I’m really glad I didn’t grow up in the same house as you.”

“Trailer, you mean,” he corrected. “ _ I _ grew up in a house,  _ you  _ grew up as trailer trash. Which, I hope you know, you still are. You may have a big house with the flashy, rich husband. But you’re trash. They all know it. You’re not fooling anyone.”

He moved quickly, disarming her in a way she didn’t even comprehend. He pressed the knife to her belly. “Did I kill that little shit when I carved those words into you, or do I need to finish the job?”

“I’m not pregnant,” Avery shot back. “Even if I was, a pathetic little boy like you couldn’t kill my child.”

“We’ll see about that, won’t we?” He asked.

Before Avery understood what was happening, Adam had his hand on her wrist, a knife in his other one. A shot rang out through the bar. People let out screams, shouts. Adam pushed her back into the kitchen and she screamed. She kicked him, hard, in the balls but he was much bigger, much stronger. He pushed her against the wall and pinned her wrists above her head. She struggled to move, to free herself the way Jacob had always taught her. But her whole body was on fire and she felt weak. 

“Time to reveal to you the true nature of your condition, sweetheart,” he growled. 

Avery managed to get the strength to shove her knee against his crotch and he let out a scream. She grabbed the frying pan still on the heated stove and smacked his face with it. She screamed as she beat the shit out of him, until a strong hand wrapped around hers and pulled the pan from her grasp.

“Don’t kill the fucker,” Jacob growled. “You know Joseph wouldn’t like that.”

“Joseph can go to hell!” Avery screamed as she tried to fight Jacob. But he got the pan from her and set it out of her reach. 

“Let’s go, kid.”

He picked her up as gently as he could but she writhed against his grip, screaming at him. She wanted to kill whoever that fucker was. That was not her brother. It couldn’t be. She just refused to believe that someone who was related to her would be just as much of a dick as their father had been.

Jacob got her in the car and they drove away quickly, back to the Ranch. “Your sister’s gonna make sure he doesn’t get involved,” Jacob said after a moment. “She says he was acting alone and that it was wrong.”

Avery rolled her eyes. “He was sitting with the Deputy,” she said. “It’ll be the Deputy’s final call.”

The rest of the drive was silent and John was waiting outside for them to come back. When he saw them driving up, he ran to her and pulled her close into his arms before leading her into the house. Faith was there and Avery requested some Bliss, which Faith happily blew into her face, causing her to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading thus far! :) We have some violence and torture up ahead, but nothing too crazy. Enjoy!!

Avery awoke to shouts coming from downstairs. She let out a groan and rolled over to find John’s side of the bed empty and cold. She let out a huff as she got up, got dressed, and headed down to see what the commotion was about. 

Jacob and Joseph were arguing. Again. John was nowhere to be found. 

“He deserved to die,” Jacob said. “I don’t care who did it, that fucker had to go.”

“Language, Jacob,” Joseph muttered. “And that’s not the point right now. The point is John just murdered someone in cold blood.”

“What?” Avery asked, a shiver rolling down her spine. “What are you talking about?”

“Adam was found dead and mutilated this morning,” Jacob said. “John’s missing.”

“So you just assume he did it?”

“It was in his style, Avery,” Jacob replied. “And now he’s hiding because he doesn’t want to face punishment for his sins.”

Avery grabbed some leftover bacon from the morning before, heated it up and then pulled a water bottle out of the fridge before starting towards the door. “Let’s go,” she said. “I know where he is.”

Sure enough, they found him. By the river, where he always went when he was upset. He was covered in blood and staring out across the water. Avery glanced at Jacob before moving towards her husband. Her whole body was sore from her wounds but she didn’t wince or flinch as she moved. 

“You killed him, huh?” She asked.

He nodded. “Fucker deserved it.”

“I agree. Joseph isn’t happy about it.”

John chuckled. “He’s never happy, is he?”

Avery returned the laughter. “No, I guess not.” She glanced over her husband and he looked at her. “He was my brother.”

John frowned. “What?”

“He could’ve been lying but Theresa seemed to know him. I’ve got questions for her. But apparently the Resistance wasn’t fond of his methods.”

“Yeah he was a violent fucker.”

They sat in silence before Jacob called out to them. “There’s trouble in the Valley,” he said, waving his radio around.

John let out a growl but stood. Avery followed and they got into Jacob’s truck. As they drove, they listened to the frequency that the Deputy used. They heard victorious shouts from Nick Rye. It sounded like he and the Deputy were up in the air. John glanced out his window and let out a yell, startling his wife and his brother.

“The ‘Yes’ sign!” he cried. 

Avery looked where he was pointing and saw smoking remains of the sign he was very proud of. Goddammit. John was screaming and yelling about his plans to bury the Deputy over there once he killed him. He turned his radio on and continued his threatening monologue to the Deputy. Avery rested her head in her hand, sneaking a look at Jacob. He looked furious. The Deputy didn’t respond to John’s threats but Avery wished she could take some guys out and go hunt that fucker down.

~

Avery recovered from her wounds quickly. It was almost like she willed her body to behave because she knew she was needed. The Deputy had taken to stealing more supply trucks and blowing up more silos. It was almost like, at this point, he was just doing things to get John’s attention. 

John was overworked, too. He was exhausted with his efforts and with trying to keep morale up with his men. He was also working on getting Hudson to confess. Avery barely saw him in the weeks after her attack, always coming home late to find him either asleep or still at his bunker, working. Sometimes he was in his office at the Ranch, pouring over legal documents and not getting to bed until dawn, when Avery needed to get back up to go to work.

There were also lots of meetings with Joseph. Jacob attended sometimes, coming to the Ranch when he could get away from the Whitetails, or they would call him on the radio if it wasn’t anything private or confidential. But more often than not, Joseph wanted to meet in person. Which meant he and John were locked away in John’s office, discussing whatever it was that needed discussion. Avery was rarely included in the discussions, which made her frustrated. She wanted to help John, to be his wife in all the ways that she should be. But Joseph insisted she focus on tracking down the Militia, who were still extremely active in the mountains. 

So, Avery set off one morning to find them. Alone. She arrived at the Veteran’s Center and informed Jacob she would head out after breakfast. 

“You’re not going alone, Avery,” he insisted.

“I’ll be fine. I think I can take on a housewife and teenager.”

“I don’t doubt that,” he said. “But Eli is another story.”

Avery sighed. She knew Jacob was familiar with Eli not just through his activities against the Project, but because he worked for Jacob once upon a time. Back when everything made more sense. Avery remembered him, she’d liked him. She remembered the day he left, too. The way he was so angry with Jacob and how they fought. He was one of the few people in Hope County who wasn’t afraid of Jacob Seed. 

“I know that,” she said, eating her last strip of bacon. “I’ll be fine.”

“If John finds out I let you go out there alone, he’ll kill me,” Jacob said, almost amused. 

“John knows I can handle myself.”

She stood and put her plate in the sink before washing her hands and grabbing her equipment. She’d bring her rifle, too, just in case. She had a lead that one of her guys had given her a day or so ago, so she felt like she was on the right track. As she left, Jacob watched her from his window, a pang of worry in his gut.

~

“The Deputy cannot destroy any more of our supply trucks, John,” Joseph said, speaking softly but firm. He needed his little brother to understand the situation. “If he does, we’ll barely have enough to make it through the first year.”

“I know, Joseph,” John replied. His head was bowed and he focused on his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry.”

“We need to get the Deputy on our side,” he said. “But you know this.”

“I do,” John replied. 

He sighed, glancing at the clock. It was nearly 8:00 pm. He let out a breath, wondering why Avery wasn’t home yet. Maybe she was staying at the Veterans Center. He realized then that he was worrying more than he used to about her. Ever since her half-brother attacked her all those weeks ago, John had not liked having her out on hunting missions. Jacob insisted he was sending her with Chosen who could protect her better than Sebastian, but John still didn’t like the feeling. 

“What’s the matter, John?” Joseph asked after a moment, sensing his brother’s worry.

“Avery should’ve come home an hour ago,” John replied. 

“Radio Jacob, maybe she’s staying with him and didn’t have a chance to radio you.”

John sighed but nodded. He asked Jacob if she was back yet and he said he hadn’t heard from her in a while.They both tried radioing her on her channel, but got nothing in response. Joseph looked concerned, too. 

Then, all the sudden, John’s radio cracked to life. 

“Hey there, asshole,” a woman’s voice said. “We got your wife. And you’ll never find us.”

John felt his stomach drop and Joseph grabbed the radio from him. “Return her and no one will be harmed.”

“No fucking way. She’s ours, now. And if she talks, she might go free. If she doesn’t...well...not many of the Chosen we’ve captured have survived our methods of interrogation.”

John let out a growl and snatched the radio from his older brother. “Return her right fucking now or you will wish you were never born.”

“I highly doubt that. You have no idea where she is.”

The radio went dead and John let out a yell, picking up a vase nearby and chucking it at the wall. Joseph allowed him a moment of weakness, stepping back and observing. John tore up the living room, tipping over the coffee table, breaking whatever was breakable. At the end of it all, he crouched on the ground, his hands in his hair, letting out noises sounding like a wounded, angry animal.

“I  _ told  _ Jacob not to let her go out there alone,” he said. “I told him over and over and he wouldn’t listen.”

“I doubt it was Jacob’s choice, John,” Joseph said. “You know her. You know how she is. She likes hunting on her own, she likes being free to do as she wishes.”

John let out what could only be described as a whimper. “She might be dead in a matter of hours.”

Joseph radioed Jacob and he said he got a similar message. He had the Judges sniffing for her scent with his best hunters. John said he’d be there soon and they piled into Joseph’s car, ready to do whatever it took to find Avery. Joseph worried, too. He loved her just as his brothers did. She was his family. And he was not going to let the Militia hurt her.

~

“Not so strong now, are you?” Tammy asked Avery, whose face was so swollen and bruised, she wasn’t sure she could respond. “The Baptist’s Bride, the Chosen Girl, The Wolfling. Damn, there was such hype built around you. But now, here you are, weak as a fucking mouse.” Tammy delivered another punch to Avery’s face, knocking a molar out and causing her head to fly back. “Peggie Whore was my favorite nickname.” 

Avery glared at her and spat in the other woman’s face. Tammy let out a growl and threw another punch. Avery just stared at her, harsh and judgmental in her gaze. She wasn’t afraid of this woman, nor the teenager she was working with. She hadn’t seen a glimpse of Eli Palmer, and for a moment Avery wondered if he’d abandoned the Militia and they’d just tried to keep up appearances.

“You think you’re so strong, withstanding all this pain, huh?” Tammy asked. “But you’re disgusting, you’re weak. You’re in love with a man who tortures people for a fucking living.” She threw another punch and Avery let out a groan as she righted her head. Everything was blurry behind her vision.

“Tammy,” a rough voice said from the entryway. Avery looked up and barely registered the dark haired, wild-looking man standing there. Her gaze was growing dizzy and she wondered for a moment who he was. She couldn’t really see his face. “There’s no need to be this rough with her.”

“She won’t  _ talk _ , Eli.” 

“The Peggies see her as valuable. She’s John Seed’s wife, for fuck’s sake. I was hoping we could offer a trade. Her for some of our people.”

“That’s stupid. We need  _ information _ .”

“I think we both know if she hasn’t talked now, she’s not going to. She’ll probably let you kill her first.”

Eli walked over to the bruised up woman, inspecting her face. Avery tried to move out of his grip, not liking a hand on her that she wasn’t familiar with...especially after everything that happened with Adam. Eli put his hands up as she jerked away from him and managed a glare at him through her swollen face.

“I’m not gonna hurt ya,” he said. Avery was able to let out a laugh and he understood immediately. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I intended.”

Avery slurred some words that sounded like gibberish, but meant to sound like “fuck you, you piece of shit.”

Somehow, Eli got that. He chuckled as he stood up. “Have Wheaty bring some ice. Then we’ll contact the Seeds and propose a trade. Make sure she gets a meal and some water. How long has she been here?”

“A couple hours,” Tammy replied.

“Jesus. Get her some water.”

“How do you know they’ll do a trade?”

“They’re not gonna leave one of their best soldiers who happens to be a member of their family to die. They’ll find us eventually, and it will be hell on earth if they do. None of us will make it out of here alive.”

~

Jacob, John and Joseph followed a group of Chosen and Hunters who were holding onto the Judges as they sniffed for Avery’s scent. Jacob felt guilty, knowing he should’ve pushed harder for her to take someone with her. Avery was stubborn, though, and sometimes it was better to just give in rather than fight her.

John, of course, hadn’t held back when he and Joseph made it to the Veterans Center. He ripped Jacob a new one, and Jacob let him. Normally, he didn’t take any shit from his baby brother. But this was his wife, and Jacob had been the one to let her go out on her own. Despite how dangerous things were getting.

John’s radio cracked to life again and the party halted as they listened. 

“John Seed? This is Eli Palmer. I wanted to discuss the possibility of a truce. Over.”

John growled as he clicked the button to respond. “A  _ truce _ ? After you take my wife, and taunt me about killing and torturing her?” 

“A trade, rather. We give you Avery, and in return, you give us some of our people that Jacob’s taken.”

John glanced at his older brothers, who looked like they were thinking about it just like he was. “How many people?” John asked.

“All of ‘em.”

John sighed, his grip on the radio so tight he wondered if he’d shatter it. Jacob shook his head at John, and Joseph saw it and tried to talk to Jacob. 

“We can’t lose that many new recruits.”

“Normally, I’d agree,” Joseph said. “But some of them haven’t been as effective as you wanted, Jacob. And this is John’s wife. She leads our troops, she belongs with us in the new world.”

Jacob sighed and nodded to John.

“Yes. Fine. Where should we exchange them? When?”

“Near the Henbane, dawn.”

“Dawn?” John said. “It’s only 9. That gives you too much time to torture her. I want her back now.”

“I promise you, on my honor, she will be kept safe. It wasn’t my intention for my people to torture her. I stopped it as soon as I saw it.”

“So you  _ did  _ torture her then?” John growled.

“One of my people did, yes. Without my permission.”

“Keep her safe. If she’s in bad shape, I’m walking away with her  _ and  _ all your men.”

“Deal.”

~

Dawn arrived and they met by the Henbane, on the border of the Whitetail Mountains and Faith’s region. There were about 20 people that they would be returning. Some of them were in pretty bad shape due to Jacob’s trials. But that didn’t matter. They just needed to get Avery back. 

Eli showed up with Avery, Tammy and Wheaty. John was there with his brothers and Faith, and the 20. The moment he saw Avery, her face swollen with bruises and cuts, he wanted to scream at them for hurting her. It looked like whoever tortured her had used brass knuckles. 

“Give me my wife, we’ll give you your men,” John said. 

“How do I know you won’t use them against us?” Eli asked. “We know how Jacob’s brainwashing works .We know that they could be weapons now.”

“Fine,” John growled. 

Jacob released the group one at a time and they limped or walked over to Eli’s side. Eli himself walked Avery over. The moment she was uncuffed and released from Eli’s grip, she stumbled, her legs weak. John caught her and held her close to him, looking at Eli with an angry expression as he stroked her hair, some of which was matted to her scalp and head with blood.

“If you so much as touch her again, I will find your little dog house and murder every man, woman and child I see. I’ll chop them up and feed them to Jacob’s Judges. You understand me?”

“Yes,” Eli replied. “Thank you for holding up your end of the deal.”

They walked away with their men, and as soon as they were gone, all three brothers and Faith were all over Avery, asking her if she was alright, if she needed anything, what they’d done to her. 

Avery shrank into John’s arms with a weak sob, overwhelmed with everything that they were throwing at her all at once. John held her close and walked with her to his truck. He took her home and tended to her wounds before helping her into a nice hot bath. Avery still hadn’t said a word, as if she was afraid to speak. John wondered if she’d been tortured so badly that she’d never be herself again.

As he was washing her, he saw more bruises decorating her pale skin. The biggest one was on her leg and another on her abdomen and hip. It infuriated him to see her so wounded, to know that his enemies had caused her even a moment of pain.

“I’m so sorry,” he said after a while. “This never should’ve happened.”

“It’s my fault,” Avery replied, her voice hoarse. It was at that point he noticed the bruising around her neck. “I never should’ve gone out alone.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and continued washing her, taking care not to hurt her or brush her wounds too hard. Once he was done, he helped her dry off and stand, walking her to their bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and got in next to her, letting her rest her head on his chest. 

“That woman was fucking crazy,” Avery said after a while.

“Do you need any Bliss? For the pain?”

Avery nodded and John got up to get some of his stash. Faith had given them each a vial that had their names engraved on it, and she had one herself. It was to use in any circumstances they needed - for themselves, for each other, to distract an enemy and make them docile. So John took a bit of the powder and blew it into Avery’s face once he got back upstairs. Her eyes glossed over a little bit, but not much. He hadn’t given her enough for any hallucinations or anything. Just something to take the pain away.

She fell asleep pretty quickly after that. Everyone reacted different to the Bliss. Some people barely noticed it and it just acted as pain or anxiety relief, others couldn’t bear even a small dose due to their body’s reaction or due to the fact that even a pinch could make them hallucinate. Avery had always gotten sleepy while on Bliss, so when she first came to the Project, they decided not to give it to her. She was at her best when she was alert and sober. He’d only seen her on it a handful of times, and each time prior to that day had resulted in her falling asleep in some random location within the Project - including in John’s bathroom...somehow. He smiled at the memory, glancing down at her in his arms. He had no idea how he got to be so lucky that she loved him. He never knew any woman could feel that way towards him in a real sense. 

She let out a whimper in her sleep and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, pulling her closer. A sigh escaped her as she placed her hand over his heart. He smiled again. The luckiest man in the world.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things about to get SAD everybody. :( Thank you for reading thus far!

It shocked the Seed family how quickly Avery healed from her wounds, for the second time in a very short period of time. She was up and about within three days, still feeling some pain but not enough that she couldn’t do things around the Project. She continued to train the Chosen, just from the sidelines rather than training with them. Her voice was still damaged from her strangulation that occurred, but she was able to talk and shout loud enough to order the Chosen around during training.

John felt the stress of dealing with the Deputy building within him again over the next several days. Avery helped him devise strategies to ensure the Deputy couldn’t cause more damage to Eden’s Gate property, but still, it was a struggle. Eventually, John got so frustrated that he sent another hunting party out after the Deputy, and sure enough, he was brought in relatively quickly.

This time, they brought him to John’s Gate and John tried to get a confession out of him. Of course, the Deputy slipped away. Avery watched her husband become more stressed, intense and frustrated. It was like the only thing on his mind was the Deputy. It didn’t bother her - of course that was on his mind when his brother had threatened him with not being allowed into Eden once the new world came. John was scared, worried. 

Finally, he devised a plan to re-capture Fall’s End and get the Deputy to him. The Deputy’s weakness, John noticed, was his friends and the members of the Resistance. He would always try to save them, even if it meant putting himself in harm’s way. So John would capture his friends, torture them in front of him, and get him to come into Eden’s Gate. Avery thought it was a good plan, and she assisted him with building it up so it was nearly bulletproof.

The day came for his plan - the Deputy was out in the forest doing some sort of task that would keep him away for a while, and John, Avery and their men moved in on Fall’s End. They captured it quick, none of the Resistance members were ready for the attack. John brought Nick Rye, Mary May Fairgrave and Pastor Jerome to the Church. While he tattooed their sins on their chests, Avery watched. Their men prepared the church, spray painting it and lining it with dead birds. John always had a flair for the dramatic so Avery wasn’t shocked when she saw the finished product, ridiculous red carpet and all.

Finally, when John felt it was time, he radioed the Deputy and called him to the Church. Avery wasn’t sure what was wrong, but something in her gut felt sick. She talked to John while they waited, asking him if he was worried. They didn’t have a lot of followers with them now, most of them had gone back to their posts. John assured her it was alright, that he needed this and it was going to be fine. 

She kept her gun on Nick Rye, who looked angry and furious that he’d fallen ploy to being bait. 

“You married that fucking psycho?” he growled at Avery.

“Shut up,” she replied.

“All you Peggies are fucking crazy. You’re not going to win.”

“I said shut up. Do you understand the English language or do you need someone to translate it into redneck for you?”

_ That  _ got Nick riled up. He smacked her, hard, and John was on him in an instant. John only roughed him up, but it still got Nick to shut up, thankfully. He grumbled to himself but Avery wasn’t going to care about stupid insults that she couldn’t hear. 

The Deputy arrived and one of the followers knocked him out. They dragged him into the church, in the center of the pews, and John tattooed his sin onto his chest. Wrath. Of course, the Deputy woke up in the middle of it. It was the first time Avery had seen the man up close. He didn’t look like much, really. Just an average man. And yet, he’d destroyed everything for her husband. She wished they could kill him and be done with it, and she knew John and Jacob both wished that, too.

John brought the Deputy to the front of the room. He started the atonement with Nick, forcing Pastor Jerome to speak the words. Of course, there was resistance. But after enough smacks to his head, he complied. Then Nick resisted and John cut off his sin of Greed from his chest. Avery had seen it done before, had witnessed the blood and the horror. It was brutal, she knew. But it was necessary.

Avery watched as the Pastor and John moved to the Deputy. Jerome looked strange, and Avery wasn’t sure she liked it. The Deputy refused to say yes and John smacked Jerome over the head with the butt of his gun. That’s when Avery realized that the Book of Joseph was on the ground instead of the Bible that Jerome was holding before hand. The dread in her stomach grew and took over her, and she felt frozen in place. 

It happened so fast. The Deputy suddenly had a gun and shot at John. She bolted as two of the followers surrounded John and pushed their way out the church. She sprinted after them and got into the van as they sped. 

“Get me to the Ranch!” John yelled.

Avery checked the wound as they sped through Hope County. Her heart beat was loud in her ears as she checked the wound. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good either. She held back tears, not fully understanding what had just happened. His life could have been taken from him, he could have been taken from her. But they’d escaped. He was going to be okay. She didn’t have a first aid kit to bandage him, so she tore part of her shirt and held it against the wound.

When they arrived at the Ranch, he got out and bolted towards one of his planes. “John!” she called, following after him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting that Deputy once and for all,” he explained. “I don’t care what Joseph saw in his visions. He’s a dead man.”

Avery grabbed him, spun him to face her. “ _ Don’t _ ,” she begged. “I have a horrible feeling if you go up into the sky I’m never going to see you again.  _ Please _ , John.”

He cupped her face, his thumbs brushing the tears from her cheeks. “You’ll see me again. Of course you will. You’ll see me tonight when all of this is over and we can finally prepare for the Collapse in peace. We’ll be free from this demon that’s preying on us and our family.”

Avery felt her stomach clench, felt her whole body on edge. Something was telling her not to let him go. The dread she had felt in the church coursed through her again and she couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t let go of him. She feared if she let go of him, he would slip away from her completely.

“John,” she begged, grasping his jacket in her hands. “Please. Please don’t do this. Let your men do it.”

He shook his head. “I have to be the one to take him out,” he insisted. 

He pulled her close and kissed her deeply, his hands weaving into her hair, smearing blood wherever they went. Hers did the same. She wept, fully wept. She didn’t care. She knew what was going to happen, she knew he was going to die. She could feel it everywhere - in herself, in the way he held her, in his kiss, his touch, the wind. Everything. It was overwhelming. 

He kissed her again and again until one of his men told him the Deputy got out of the church and was close. 

“I have to go,” he said. “I’ll be home for dinner.”

“John,” she sobbed. “I love you.”

“I love  _ you _ ,” he replied. “You are my whole world, Avery.”

She let out a choked sob and he kissed her deeply again until one of his men grabbed his arm and insisted they get into the sky. She watched him leave while the men around her prepared for the Deputy’s arrival, as he was no doubt following John. She watched her husband close the latch to his plane. He waved at her and she waved back, her whole body feeling weak and frozen in time and space as he ascended into the sky.

When the Deputy arrived, she shot at him. Multiple times. But he got her in the arm and she fell to the ground in pain for a moment. As she got back up, it was too late. He was in one of the planes. He was taking off. She shot at the airplane with a scream, shooting and shooting until her ammo ran out. By then, he was in the sky and it was only a matter of waiting. 

She could hear the shots ringing out around her as she helped the men who were wounded and still alive. One of her men helped bandage her, the bullet that got her arm only grazed it. She kept her radio on. She could hear John talking over it. She could hear him saying he was taking hits. She heard plane crashes - the other Chosen planes colliding with the ground. When she found some of her men able to take care of the others, she walked over to the field, staring up at the sky. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. She fell to her knees, clasped her hands together, closed her eyes and looked up at the sky.

“Please, heavenly Father. Please do not take him from me.”

She stayed like that until she heard over the radio that his plane was going down. He sounded bad, like he’d been wounded. He managed to parachute out of the plane but she heard it collide with the Earth and the radio cutting in and out. But she heard him say her name and she felt tears in her eyes.

“Avery, I love you. I love you. I will always be with you.”

“ _ No _ ,” she whispered. “John, no. Don’t. Come home.”

“Can’t,” he replied, his voice tight and strained. “I’m going to fight.”

“John!”

“John’s plane is down, Father protect him,” another follower said over the radio. 

“Brothers. Sisters. Do not fear,” John said. He sounded like he was in such pain. Avery let out a choked sob as she listened to him. “We have prepared for this. The Father has shown us the way. Prepare my bunker. I am coming to join you. We will await the Collapse together…”

The radio clicked off. Avery stared at it, helpless. Tears dripped down her cheeks. She waited. And waited. And  _ waited _ . 

When the news came that the Deputy was in John’s bunker, she knew her husband was dead. Her whole world, her joy, her happiness, snatched from her in a single moment. She collapsed to the ground, buried her face in the grass and wept, loud and screaming. Sebastian came to her, put his hand on her back but she pushed him away. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to face the reality of what was to come. She didn’t want to face the fact that this demon, this Deputy, had murdered the love of her life.

She heard the bunker explode in the distance, felt the ground around her shake. But most of all, she felt her heart tear in half and shred inside her chest. 

~

Sebastian and a few others took her to Joseph’s compound, insisting that they weren’t safe at Seed Ranch any longer, that the Deputy was coming with the Resistance at his back to take it over. Avery desperately wanted to defend her home, she wanted to stay in the place she and John had shared, and fought against him to stay there and wait for the Resistance. Sebastian insisted they didn’t have enough men to defend it, and reinforcements would take too long to get to them. So, she said goodbye to the place that had become her home. 

The drive to the compound was full of tense silence. She stared down at her hands and said nothing the entire drive, because what was there to say?

When she arrived at Joseph’s house, he was outside waiting for her with Jacob and Faith. She stumbled out of the truck, her limbs not working quite like they should. She felt weak all over, her whole body overwhelmed with grief and anger and rage and pain. Joseph ran to her and took her in his arms, embracing her tightly. She wept, clinging to him, terrified if she let go that the world around her would crumble. 

She felt Jacob and Faith join in the hug and she collapsed again, not able to stand any longer even with Joseph’s support. They sank to the ground with her, holding her, letting her know that she was anything but alone. But even among them, even with their arms protecting her from the outside, she knew her husband was gone. But she felt him, still. As if he were there, holding all of them as they wept for him. 

~

Jacob carried her inside and wrapped a blanket around her. Faith made her some tea and poured some of the liquid Bliss into it. Just a pinch. Avery drank it but felt nothing. It was like her whole body was numb to anything. Jacob glanced at her and pulled out a flask from his pocket, offering it to her. She shook her head. Not now. Not with all of this.

Joseph’s radio clicked to life. “We found him, Father.”

“Bring him to the chapel.”

Avery’s face twisted as she buried it in her hands, letting out a sob. Faith hugged her tightly but it did nothing. She wanted John. She wanted  _ his  _ arms around her. She loved her family but John was the one who made her feel better, who helped her through times like these, who was there to listen and love her in the way she needed. He knew her so well. But he was gone. And she’d never get to feel his arms around her again.

Joseph sat on the coffee table across from her and placed his hands on her knees over the blanket. “I know this is hard,” he whispered. “Believe me, I know. John was…” he sighed. “We must put on a brave face, now. We must be there for our flock. We may mourn tonight but tomorrow is a new day and my children need to know that we will avenge John’s death.”

“Avenge?” She asked. “You mean, kill him?”

Joseph shook his head. “The Deputy must not be killed. But those who aided him, those who help him...they must be taken care of. We need to break the Resistance. We need to let them know that they cannot win.”

“We can do that by killing the Deputy,” Avery replied. “That’s the best way.”

“No,” Joseph said. 

“He took  _ everything  _ from me,” Avery screamed, a choked sob escaping her. “He took my future! He took my unborn children! He took my happiness! He stole everything from me and I will not let him get away with that, Joseph!”

“Avery,” Joseph said, his voice stern. “Listen to me. That is not the way.”

“I don’t care,” she spat. “I don’t care about God’s plan. I don’t care about anything. I want my husband back!”

“Killing the Deputy won’t bring him back, A,” Jacob said, his voice soft and gentle. “He’s gone. It’s horrible, it’s sad, but he’s gone. Killing the Deputy won’t raise the dead. Joseph sees the Deputy in the new world, and we need to accept that.”

Avery got up and stormed outside, dropping the blanket off her shoulders. She walked to the river, the sky clear and the stars and moon shining brightly in the sky. She sat down, her feet in the water, and let the wind blow her hair around her face. No one came after her, and she was grateful for it.

She wanted him back. She so desperately would’ve given anything just to hold him one last time, to kiss him, to laugh with him. She knew he was a complex man, who many people feared and very few knew well and loved. She wanted him back so bad she’d give her soul, she’d give her own life. She just wanted to see his smile.

A car pulled up behind her and she knew it contained his body. She watched Joseph and Jacob carry it into the chapel, wrapped in blankets. She shook as she stood, following behind them. Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe he was alive, escaped in the woods. Maybe there was a chance that he could still be there with her, live the rest of his days with her, be the father of her children.

When she reached the two brothers, standing before the altar, looking down upon it, she knew her hopes were silly. Jacob turned as she approached and squeezed her arm as he made room for her to stand with them. John’s face looked up at her, his eyes were still open but glazed over. No life within them. She touched his face, so cold that she nearly gasped in shock. Jacob’s hand rubbed her back as her hands shook. 

“We’ll give you a moment, my child,” Joseph said, placing his hand on her shoulder. He rested his forehead against hers and she muttered a thank you to him.

When she heard the door close, she turned back to her husband’s body. She closed his eyes, she couldn’t look at them anymore. Seeing them without their usual spark of life nearly shattered her into a million pieces. 

She cleared her throat, which was crowded with phlegm and swallowed sobs, completely unsure what to say.

“I told you not to go on that fucking plane,” she whispered, grasping his cold, stiff hand. “I told you not to. Why didn’t you listen to me?” Sobs shook her body as she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I love you so much, John. You were...everything. Our life together...it was so beautiful. There were times when it was hard, but fuck, what I wouldn’t give to go back to those times just so I could see you and hold you and love you.” 

She glanced at his chest, noticing a tattoo peeking out from over his heart that she hadn’t seen. As she peeled the fabric back from it, she saw her name there, just like they’d talked about the first time they made love. She laughed through her tears, genuinely laughed, tracing her fingers over her name. 

“You are mine, and I am yours,” she whispered. “Forever.” 

She leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to his cold lips. With that, she left. She stood with Jacob and Faith as Joseph went in to say his goodbyes. Then Jacob. Faith went in for a moment, but didn’t spend much time in there - Avery knew she didn’t know John very well and was one of the people who feared rather than loved him. 

They stayed together in Joseph’s house. Faith and Avery were in the small guest room and Jacob slept on the couch. Of course, Avery couldn’t sleep. The only thing she could think of was John and how much she wanted to fall asleep in his arms. She knew the next few days were going to be terrible. She wasn’t sure how she was going to survive them. She wasn’t sure how she was going to sleep at all knowing the man who killed her husband was still out and about, probably partying with his friends that he’d set free. The thought of his happiness made her ache inside, made her angry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Avery, honestly. :( She needs a hug.

She must’ve fallen asleep at some point because Faith awoke her late the next day with coffee and eggs for breakfast. Everything she put in her mouth didn’t seem to have a taste and she wondered if she would ever taste anything ever again. 

Jacob was awake but didn’t even talk, he just kept his focus on cleaning his rifle. Joseph was praying in his room, Faith told her. The funeral for John would be that evening, and Joseph planned on broadcasting his eulogy so that the entire County would hear it. Avery wasn’t sure how that made her feel. She did not want those people to see a very personal and private moment for the Project. They would laugh, wouldn't they? Mock them for their loss. 

Avery spent the day looking out the window. Joseph tried to talk to her but she couldn’t even find the energy to speak. So she simply nodded or shook her head, and listened quietly to whatever else he wanted to say to her. He talked about the funeral, how she was welcome to say a few words as well. She wasn’t sure she wanted to...especially if it was going to get broadcasted to the whole County. So Joseph assured her that they wouldn’t turn on the broadcast until his eulogy, and she could go before him.

So she agreed. She tried to write something down multiple times during the day but wasn’t able to. What was she supposed to say? How could she put into words the love she felt for him? Eventually, she gave up and decided that she’d wing it.

Faith went out and came back with a black dress for her to wear. Avery’s eyes were puffy and red from crying, so Faith touched her face up with make up, but it didn’t really do much. Then the time came for the funeral service, and Avery didn’t even want to go. Why should she have to? It was all too hard for her to even think about saying goodbye to her husband for one final time. But Faith convinced her, and even gave her a little bit of Bliss to help her through it all. It helped, numbing up not just her body but her emotions. She hoped she could talk about John without breaking down in front of everyone. 

The chapel was packed. Avery walked next to Faith and behind the coffin. She could hear people murmuring prayers to her. She took John’s usual seat and wanted to weep at the thought that he was no longer there to occupy it. 

Joseph did the service well. Avery could hear the emotion in his voice, could see that whenever he turned from the crowd that he was wiping away tears. The sight made her tear up - never had she seen the Father so emotional, so overwhelmed. Then the time came for her to speak. 

She walked up to the pulpit, her eyes downcast. 

“I tried to write something to say today and found I just...couldn’t,” she started. “So I’m just going to speak from my heart and hope that John’s hand can guide me to say what I want and need to say.” She heard people murmur throughout the crowd, heard sniffling. She even spotted Holly in the second row, who was staring down at her hands. “John was a complicated person. I knew that from the first time I met him. As you all know, he had a hard life, just like his brothers. It made him build up walls, so strong only very few could get inside. But when those walls came down, when he trusted me enough to let me in...I saw the kindness, love, the hope that was there within him that very few people get to see. I loved him more than any human language could ever describe. And I am furious that someone came into our lives, our home, and stole him from us. He was taken from us too soon. But he’s still with us. He promised me he would always be.”

She didn’t know what else to say, so she ended it there. People clapped for her, and when she took her seat, Faith embraced her tightly. She hugged the girl back and focused her attention back on Joseph, the camera near the front of the church now blinking red with the indication that it was on.

“A seal has been opened,” he started. Avery could feel the pain in his voice. “My brother John was loved by few. Feared by many. Misunderstood by all, except me. John was not born a monster, he was just a child when our family was torn apart. He was loving. Kind. Full of joy..he was easily preyed upon. John was not perfect. Sometimes he was not even good. But he was my brother. And those responsible for his death will be punished. I promise you that.”

~

It had been a week since John’s funeral and about five days since Avery had left her bed at the Veterans Center. Jacob had tried to get her to come with him on hunting trips, fishing trips, anything to get her out of the bed, but she didn’t want to move. She couldn't. She couldn’t get up and go about her day like there wasn’t a gaping hole in her chest where her heart used to be. Peaches brought her food on Jacob’s orders, but she only ate what she needed to - which wasn’t much.

Joseph tried to get her out of bed, too. He tried to get her to sit up so they could talk, but she was angry with him. She wanted her revenge and he was withholding it from her. She wanted to find the Deputy and make them pay for what he’d taken away from her. So his efforts were fruitless as well.

Faith came by, despite the fact that the Henbane was under attack, the Deputy’s Resistance focusing on the Bliss fields and working out of the County prison. Faith didn’t try to get her out of bed, didn’t try to get her to talk. She just came into the room and sat down on Avery’s bed. She had Avery sit up for a moment so she could maneuver her to put her head in her lap. She sat there, stroking Avery’s hair, humming a soft melody to herself. 

It was what she needed, and that almost made her burst into tears. That’s what John would do when she was sad or angry. He’d sit there, tell her stories and run his fingers through her hair. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine it was him again instead of Faith. She could pretend he was still alive, that he was there with her and calming her down from a nightmare or a panic attack.

After Faith left, Avery ate the entire meal Peaches brought up to her. She got up to take a shower. But she still went back to her bed and laid there, staring at the wall. She wanted to go home, to Seed Ranch, but the last she heard was that the Resistance had taken it over. It infuriated her to know that the people who had destroyed everything were in her home, touching her things, being where she and John were supposed to spend their days until the world ended. She wanted to kill them all.

Faith came by again the next day. And the next. And each day, Avery made a little more progress. She wasn’t back to normal; she wasn’t even sure she could go back to normal, not after everything. But it was better than wallowing in her self-pity, her sorrow; spending the entire day and entire night mourning her husband. 

By the fourth day, she was talking again. Faith listened to her tell stories about John, held her when she broke down. She brought fresh flowers to make flower crowns, she kept Avery busy once she was able to sit up and talk and do things. Joseph and Jacob were in shock at how well she was doing. They had no idea how Faith had managed to bring her back to her somewhat regular self. 

“You know,” Avery said on the eighth day. “I swear I probably could’ve gotten John to wear this.” She held up her completed flower crown with a sad smile. “I think if I bribed him enough, he would’ve even let me take a picture.”

“Really?” Faith asked, a slight laugh escaping her lips. “I cannot picture John in a flower crown.”

“I can,” Avery replied. “It’s a pretty funny visual.” 

She burst out laughing then, really laughing. Faith joined her. It lasted for nearly five minutes. Avery could just imagine what John was thinking, listening to their conversation.

_ I would not have worn a flower crown, my dear, _ he’d say, if he could.  _ Not in a million years. _

She wanted to answer him, his voice was so clear in her head. So clear that it almost sounded like he was there. She stopped laughing and glanced around, desperate to know where the sound came from. For a moment, she felt disoriented. Until she realized she was just hearing the things she wanted to hear in her head.

“Are you alright?” Faith asked her.

“Yeah, sorry. Just...thought I heard something.”

“John?” 

Avery paused, staring at her. “Yeah.” 

“That’s common,” Faith said with a knowing nod. “People hear their loved ones who have passed away. Sometimes they even have full conversations with them. It’s a coping technique. Not the healthiest, but it’s not half bad, I suppose.”

Avery shook her head. “But that’s all make believe. And they  _ know  _ it's make believe. But it sounded like he was here.”

“Maybe he is,” Faith said, a sad smile on her face. “I’m sure he misses you. He might have come to visit.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Faith regretted them. Avery’s face twisted and she let out a choked sob. Faith apologized, pushing the flowers out of the way so she could hug Avery and apologize over and over again. She hadn’t meant to make her cry, of course she hadn’t. But she still felt awful.

“I’m sorry,” Avery muttered after she calmed down. “I don’t...I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Faith replied, wiping her tears away. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I miss him so much,” Avery whispered. “I would kill to just see him one more time.”

“I know.”

Faith held her while she continued to cry. In the five years that Faith had known her, she’d never seen her like this. She was always the strong, badass woman that never let anything get to her. But Faith knew pain changes a person. She knew that for a fact. She couldn’t even imagine what Avery was feeling. 

When Avery calmed down, she said she wanted to take a nap. So Faith gathered the flowers and everything and left them on the bedside table before she left. She found Jacob outside, training a new Judge. The wolf snarled at Faith for a moment before Jacob tossed a bit of meat a couple meters away and the wolf ran after it.

“How was she today?”

“She was okay. But she heard John’s voice,” Faith said. “I suggested he came to visit because he missed her and she broke down.”

Jacob looked sad for a moment, nodding somberly. “Understandable. It wasn’t your fault, though. At least she’s moving into a new coping technique, rather than just lying in bed all day and staring at that wall.”

Faith nodded. “Exactly.”

“How’s everything in your region? The Deputy destroying too much? I can always send some more Chosen over there.”

“What about the militia?”

“They’ve been a bit of a pain in the ass but nothing too over the top. I could spare some guys if you need ‘em.”

“That’d be amazing,” Faith said. “Thank you, Jacob.”

“Of course,” he replied. “I’ll send ‘em your way tomorrow morning, first thing.”

She squeezed his arm before she left. He watched after her, wishing she could stay around forever so Avery would get better. He sighed and called one of the Hunters to corral the new Judges and get them back into their cages before he walked into the Center and up the stairs to the room he and Avery shared. 

He opened the door cautiously and saw she was sleeping. Even in her sleep, she looked pained. Her brow was furrowed, she kept moving around. Jacob wondered if she was having one of her nightmares.

When they’d lived together in the cabin out in the mountains, Avery found out about his PTSD, and the nightmares that came with it. She knew exactly how to console him after each one, and he was always amazed by it. But then he found out why she knew so much - she had her own trauma and nightmares that stemmed from it. They were there for each other every time the other had a nightmare. Normally, Jacob wouldn’t have let anyone know about them, but Avery was special. 

So to see her looking like that while she slept made his heart ache. In the tail end of living in the cabin, there’d been no nightmares from her. Jacob wondered if John was to thank for that. He sighed, moved across the room to his bed where he draped his jacket over the foot board and sat at his desk that was next to it. He pulled out some paperwork that he needed to look through - John might be gone but his work wasn’t. So Jacob was tasked with trying to understand all these legal documents he left behind.

As he worked, he heard Avery let out little groans and whines every so often. He’d glance over to make sure she was okay. It was certainly a restless sleep, but he’d never seen her act like this before. So he kept checking on her. 

Finally, he heard her mumble his brother’s name and his heart broke for her. She mumbled some other stuff he couldn’t hear, and she let out a breathy laugh. He frowned, glancing back at her. Her face looked like she was having an actual conversation. He wondered for a moment if John had paid her a visit, but shook his head. That wasn’t possible, she was just dreaming.

~

_ “I told you, I’m not going to wear it,” John said, a laugh escaping his lips.  _

_ “You have to,” Avery insisted, placing the flower crown onto his head despite his protests. “Oh, yes. This is an excellent look on you. A+.” _

_ John crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, almost pouting. Avery laughed, his expression too perfect. “You better not tell anyone about this.” _

_ “I’m telling everyone,” she replied. “You’ll just have to deal with it.” _

_ “Well, I guess I can’t be too humiliated. I’m dead, after all.” _

_ Avery’s laughter stopped midway up her throat and she felt her eyes fill with tears. “John,” she whispered. “Don’t say that.” _

_ “I’m sorry, my dear,” he said, reaching for her.  _

_ She allowed him to pull her in his arms. She nearly sighed in relief, missing the feeling of his arms around her. She pressed her face into his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. _

_ “Can’t you come back?” she asked.  _

_ “I wish I could.” _

_ “I miss you so much, John,” she said. “I can’t stand it.” _

_ “It’s all going to be okay,” he replied. “I’ll see you again. And I’ll be with you every moment of your life until that day.” _

_ Avery felt him slipping from her grip. She opened her eyes to see nothing, just the empty field of his airplane hanger. She shouted for him, heard shots up in the air from the airplanes fighting.  _

_ “JOHN!” _

~

“Avery!” Jacob shouted, trying to hold her down as she scratched and pushed at him, crying out for his brother, her eyes still closed. “You’re dreaming, Avery. It’s just a nightmare.”

She opened her eyes and stared at him in confusion. “No,” she whispered. “No...John was here. He was  _ here _ .”

Jacob sighed and ran a hand down his face. “I’m so sorry, Pup.”

Avery’s eyes welled up with tears as she looked around the room. She saw the flower crown she’d made on her bedside table, and the one Faith had made which she’d put on John’s head in her dream. She let out a shaky breath and before she knew it, her eyes were welling up with tears again. Jacob pulled her into an embrace, letting her ball up his shirt in her fists and weep. He could feel her tears and snot soaking through the fabric but he didn’t give a shit. He just wanted her to feel okay. It nearly broke him to see her this way. He just wanted her to feel okay.

“I could feel him, Jacob,” she mumbled. “I could  _ feel  _ him.”

“I know, Pup. I know.” He rubbed her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “It was a dream, though.”

Avery cried herself to sleep in his arms and he sighed, laying her back down on the bed. He moved her hair away from her face and looked at her. She’d lost some weight, her natural color in her cheeks was fading and making her look sick. He wished he could wave his hand and make her better. 

He moved back to his desk and did more paperwork until it was past 10:30 pm. Avery was still sound asleep, no nightmares or dreams that made her toss and turn, thankfully. He got ready for bed and crawled under the covers, his own body feeling weaker lately. It was probably the grief he wasn’t even acknowledging. But he knew it was there. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Avery deals with her grief and also deals with Joseph's failed attempts at trying to comfort her and get on board with his plan to not kill the Deputy.

Faith didn’t come by the next day, too preoccupied with capturing the Deputy to see Avery. Jacob stayed with her instead, he could tell she was still so confused and lost as the result of her dream the other day. He sat with her while she made a third flower crown and he didn’t even ask who it’s for, already knowing the answer.

“If the Deputy comes here,” Avery said after she finished the crown, all made out of baby’s breath and blue wildflowers, “I’m going to kill him.”

Jacob paused, unsure where that came from. He knew Joseph wanted the Deputy alive, despite everything he’d done. But Jacob felt the same way Avery did. He didn’t understand the role that the Deputy would play in the new world because Joseph hadn’t explained it to any of them. And Jacob wanted revenge just like Avery. They were alike in so much, but this was something that bonded them together. Faith didn’t want to kill him. Neither did Joseph. Neither did John until the very end. But Avery and Jacob had wanted to do so from day one.

He remembered her reaction when the Marshal, the Sheriff and the Deputy came strolling into their chapel. He remembered when they took Joseph, how furious Avery had looked. Jacob had told her to hide in the rooms behind the altar, the same room he’d caught her and John kissing weeks later. He hadn’t liked what he was seeing and wanted her to be safe. But when they walked away with Joseph, she came out with rage in her eyes. 

“Who do they think they are?” she’d asked, fury dripping from her words. 

John had tried to calm her, assuring her that God would not let them take Joseph. But she wasn’t having any of it. She was furious. When the helicopter crashed, she’d run out there, desperate to make sure Joseph was okay. 

And when the Reaping began, she was the one to take Deputy Hudson. She was so eager to obey the Father that night, so ready to do whatever was asked of her. Jacob missed that fire in her. He hadn’t seen it since John had died. It almost hurt him not to see it in her eyes. 

“I wouldn’t blame you,” Jacob said, returning to the present. “I’d kill him, too.”

Avery smiled. “Good.”

“But Joseph will not be happy with you.”

“I don’t care.” Jacob shrugged, returning to his book while she put the flower crown on her head. “Can we go outside?” 

Jacob glanced back at her, an eyebrow raised. “Really?”

“Please?”

“Sure.”

She showered and changed into a light blue summer dress and her hunting boots, which were an odd combination but she made them work together. She put the blue flower crown on her head before they left, and she even brought her bow and arrows. He walked behind her as she wandered around, her fingers touching every single flower, tree branch...whatever was there, her fingers touched it. 

After a while, they came to a mountain edge that looked over the Henbane. They could see the remains of the YES sign from there, and the Father’s statue. Jacob took a seat next to her and they sat there for a while, Avery’s feet dangling off the edge and kicking back and forth. She glanced over at him, wondering how he was doing with everything that was going on.

She knew Joseph wasn’t taking things well. She supposed it was difficult, trying to embrace your enemy despite all the damage and pain they’re causing your family. She wondered if he would ever see the truth, that the Deputy was not someone who could be reasoned with. He was someone that needed to be killed so they could go on with their lives and prepare for the Collapse like they’d always planned. 

Avery wasn’t sure Faith would be able to stop the Deputy. If John couldn’t, Faith was much too gentle and kind. Well, for the most part. She was a master manipulator, even Avery knew that. She’d seen the Marshal since the night they came in to arrest Joseph, she’d seen what Faith could do. So maybe that was the method they needed to subdue the Deputy. Mental manipulation, mind games. 

She looked at the remains of the YES sign and felt her heart crack. John had been devastated when that happened. Sure, Avery had always thought it was just a bit over the top, but he was enthusiastic about it. It was something he loved, something that marked Holland Valley as his. So to see that destroyed made her heart break a little bit more than normal.

“You doing okay, kid?” Jacob asked. 

“No,” she replied, never one to sugar coat things. “I miss him.”

Jacob nodded. “I miss him, too.”

“I miss Holland Valley. I miss my home. I don’t understand why Joseph thinks he can save the Deputy.”

“He thinks he can save everyone, Avery. He wants to save the entire world, honestly. But he can’t. Some people don’t want to be saved and he struggles to see that sometimes,” he explained. “I don’t think it helps that he had a vision about the Deputy being important to our family.”

Avery sighed, shaking her head. “He’s gonna destroy our family.”

“I know. I feel that way too.”

“He already did some pretty bad damage, didn’t he?”

~

Joseph came to see Avery the following day. Avery wasn’t keen on seeing him, mostly because of their disagreement on how to handle the Deputy. Joseph sat with her while she made another flower crown. She wasn’t even sure who she was making them for at this point; it wasn’t like Jacob or Joseph would ever wear one. 

“Jacob said you saw John in a dream.”

Avery nodded, not looking up from her crown. “I see him almost every night.”

“Is that why you’re feeling so much better?”

Avery sighed, putting down the crown and looking up at him from the place on her bed. “He told me that he wanted me to be happy, so I’m trying.”

“When’d he tell you this?”

“Last night.”

Joseph nodded, looking her over. She wasn’t her normal self, it was clear. But she was dressed in her dark jeans, her hunting boots, a t-shirt and jacket. It was more her normal self than she’d looked since the funeral. So that was a relief. Jacob had told him that she’d agreed to go hunting with him. She even got up early that very morning to do training with the Chosen. 

She was respected within their ranks, their leader just under Jacob. So the men weren’t cruel or taunting to her when she returned in the morning. After the training, the ones she was closest with had talked with her for a while, Jacob had told him. So he was glad for that. He knew the brute nature of men and was worried about her going back into that world after everything that had happened. Pain left wounds, and when wounds were exposed, sometimes people took advantage of it.

Avery was strong, but very in touch with her emotions. She hadn’t been for a long time, it appeared, with her icy exterior that everyone in the family had known. But she allowed herself proper time to grieve and then picked herself up to move on. Maybe she needed John’s push, but it worked. Joseph was proud of her, as was Jacob. Faith would be happy to see her this way as well, if she didn’t have so much to deal with at the moment.

“How’s Faith?” Avery asked, setting the completed flower crown aside.

“Stressed,” Joseph replied. “The Deputy’s making a dent in the Henbane. She still has the Marshal though, so that’s a start. She’s shown the Deputy the Bliss but he refused her. She’s going to keep trying.”

“Joseph, I need to ask you something,” she said. 

He shifted in his seat, as if knowing what she was going to say. “Of course, my child.”

“I don’t understand why we can’t kill the Deputy. He’s destroying  _ everything _ . He’s ruining our family. Why would you want to save him?”

“Every sinner is not beyond saving. Even those who do terrible, terrible things.”

“But since he’s come here, he’s only shown violence. What if there is no other side to him? What if the Resistance instilled that into him and if we try to save him, we all die? What then?”

“That will not happen, my child,” Joseph said. “He has a very important role to play in the new world. While God has not shown me what that role is specifically, He made it very clear to me that the Deputy is an essential part of it.”

“What if…” Avery trailed off with a sigh. “We’re all supposed to forgive every sinner we cleanse and welcome to our family, right?” Joseph nodded. “But what if I can’t forgive him?”

“It will take time, patience-”

“No, Joseph. For as long as I’m alive, that asshole will never have my forgiveness for what he took from me. He stole my whole life away from me that I’d dreamt with John,” she explained. “I cannot forgive that. I’m sorry, Father, but I just can’t. Not after taking love away from me. A future family...everything.”

“He didn’t take those things, Avery,” Joseph said, putting a hand on her cheek. “John would want you to move on, to find love in someone else’s heart and arms. He would want you to have children, to live your life the way you always imagined it.”

She stared at him in shock and pulled away from his touch as if she’d been burned. “I don’t want that,” she replied. “I know I’ll never love anyone ever again, Joseph. I have no intentions of having a family with another member of the Project.”

“When we rise from the bunker in seven years time, we’ll all need to repopulate the Earth with God’s children.”

Avery moved away from him, standing and looking down at him in his seat. “ _ No _ ,” she said, her voice firm. “I’m not doing that. I’m not.”

“John would want you to,” he replied. 

“Do  _ not  _ tell me what my husband would’ve wanted for me,” she shot back. “I’m not some housewife who will marry some random man within our ranks and pop out babies for him while he does all the work.”

Joseph sighed, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I understand, Avery, but it’s a role we must play-”

“I don’t care, I’m not doing that. John loved me, I was his and he was mine and I’m not ever going to be anyone else’s.”

She stormed out of the room at that, not bothering to look back. Jacob was waiting for her outside in the truck, their hunting gear all loaded in the back. She let out a huff as she slammed the door shut, and Jacob glanced at her with a raised eyebrow before taking off. As they drove, Avery stared out the window with her arms crossed over her chest, her feet up on the dashboard. Jacob knew something was wrong, could tell just from the way she was stewing over there, but didn’t push it. 

But when she missed her first rabbit with her bow, he questioned her.

“You never miss a shot,” he said. “Something’s wrong. You gonna tell me what it is or do I have to guess?”

Avery rolled her eyes as she pulled the arrow out from the ground it had landed in. She cleaned it off and walked back to him, holding her hand out. He frowned, confused at what she was silently asking for.

“Give me my rifle. I’m not gonna keep hunting rabbits. I want something bigger.”

Jacob pulled her rifle off from around his back and handed it to her, which she slung over her shoulder and moved on to walk. The rifle was similar to his, but instead of red it was a dark blue. It was fitting, now, with John gone. Jacob followed, waiting for her to answer his question, but she never did.

“Kid, what’s wrong?”

Avery spun to look at him, fury blooming in her eyes. “Joseph’s a fucking nutcase, that’s what’s wrong.”

“Okay, slow down,” Jacob said. “What happened?”

“Apparently, I’m only good to this goddamn Project if I’m some sort of breeding machine. He wants me to marry someone and pop out baby after baby so we can repopulate the new world after the Collapse,” she said, rage dripping from her words like poison from an apple. “He told me John would want me to move on. But you and I both know that John Seed was anything but generous.”

Jacob chuckled. “That’s true.”

“He would  _ not  _ want me to move on. I can’t move on. He was the only person I’d ever been with who understood me. Who didn’t try to control me or mutate me into this docile, obedient, little wife. He liked me wild, he liked me the way I was. And I know the men in the Project, I know what’s expected of the wives in the Project. I don’t want that.”

Her voice was shaking with rage and Jacob knew there were tears in her eyes, even though he couldn’t see them considering her back was to him at the moment. He waited for her to continue, watched as she shot another arrow at another rabbit and let out a growl of frustration when it missed and landed in the dirt like the last one. She stomped over to pull it out of the ground and he could see her hands were shaking, too. No wonder her aim was off.

“John doesn’t want me to move on. He doesn’t want me to wallow in grief and be sad for the rest of my life, but he doesn’t want me to have some sort of mediocre love affair. I was his. I will always be his. And you are my family. I don’t want or need another one.”

“Joseph’s just under a lot of stress right now. The Deputy is wreaking havoc in the Henbane and Faith’s tactics aren’t working.”

“I know all that,” Avery replied, turning to him. He saw tear streaks down her cheeks. “But if he expects me to do that…” she trailed off, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood as her eyes moved about the nature around them. “John would have laughed at his face if he was in that room.”

Jacob nodded. “Probably.”

“I was meant for John. Only John. I’ve never felt that way about anyone else, I’ve never wanted anyone else. It was always him from the first moment I saw him.”

“I’ll talk to Joseph,” Jacob said. “He can’t expect you to do something like that against your will.”

~

The rest of the hunting trip was uneventful. That night, Jacob left the Center to talk to Joseph in person. Avery sat alone in their shared bedroom and stared at the wall, tears in her eyes. Why was her life suddenly a nightmare? Why was everything around her crumbling to pieces? She hoped Faith was okay, that the Deputy wouldn’t kill her. She was too innocent, too sweet to kill, wasn’t she? Surely the Deputy would see that. 

As Avery sat there, she could feel John in the room with her. She couldn’t see him like she could when she slept. But she could feel him. She wanted to hear him, wanted him to tell her it was all going to work out in the end and she wouldn’t have to do what Joseph had just demanded hours earlier.

“John?” She asked, her voice shaky. “I don’t know how this works while I’m awake but...fuck. Is that what you want for me? Do you want me to have some shitty fake romance with someone and bear their children? Because I sure as hell don’t want that.”

She was greeted with silence. Avery let out a sigh and rested her head against the wall. She probably looked like a mental patient in the position she was in; cross-legged on her bed, facing the wall, resting her head against the cold concrete. She closed her eyes. She hadn’t prayed in a very long time. Not since the last prayer that left her lips, which went unanswered. So she grabbed her rosary and moved to the cross in the room. She knelt and clasped her hands together.

“I know it’s been a while,” she said .”I just...I don’t understand, heavenly Father. I don’t understand this pain. I don’t understand why the Deputy is here, why he’s destroying everything we’ve built in Your name.”

Again, silence. She let out a huff and tried again. And again. But prayer was useless, even at this point in her life, she’d always thought that prayer was useless but never told anyone that considering prayer was a main component of the Project. She believed in God, she believed that Joseph spoke to Him and that He spoke to Joseph. But what she didn’t understand was prayer. God was silent, always, to everyone except the Father. So why should she pray to something that never gave her guidance?

She rolled her eyes, feeling foolish as she stood up and moved over to the bed again. She pulled her Book of Joseph out from under her pillow and glanced at the photos she had stashed there of her and John. They were Polaroids, he’d gotten her a camera her third Christmas in the Project. There were pictures of them kissing, pictures of John flying or working on his plane. She felt tears well up in her eyes and she put them back. She lied down on her bed and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, rubbing hard. 

She was asleep by the time Jacob got back. He noticed she had kicked off her covers but was shivering, and he pulled them back up to her chin, resting his hand on her head. He hated seeing her so sad, so conflicted. His talk with Joseph had gone poorly, mostly because Joseph was getting tired of the questioning of his Gift. 

But he wouldn’t let her do anything she didn’t want to. He was sure of that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far if you have!!! :)

The next two days were busy. The Deputy destroyed the Father’s statue that Faith’s people built and Joseph was losing patience with her as a result. Avery was summoned to fight the Deputy to protect the Bliss fields, because there was a rumor that’s where he was going next. She worked at the Conservatory for a while, and when the Deputy showed up, she and her soldiers was ready. 

Joseph had ordered her not to kill the Deputy, which Avery had already decided that she was going to ignore. She told her men to save the Deputy for her and told them that she would shoot him with the Bliss bullets and take him to Faith. They listened, ensuring not to shoot to kill. 

The Deputy killed all of her men as if it was easy, hiding in the Conservatory and shooting them as they came up the stairs and windows in front of him. So Avery snuck behind him. She shot her arrow laced with Bliss into his leg, enough Bliss so he wouldn't get knocked out, not yet. Not before she had a chance to look at the face of the man who had ruined her life so completely. She pushed him to the ground and held him there with her shoe to his chest.

“Look at yourself,” she said, staring down at him. He stared up at her in confusion, the Bliss clearly taking over his senses. “Your people say we’re the ones who are violent. But none of my men were shooting to kill, while you were. Do you see all the blood you’ve spilled?” 

She hauled him to his knees and threw a punch to his face. 

“Who...are you?” he asked, his words slurred from the Bliss and his newly swollen lip, courtesy of her fist.

“Your friends called me many names when they kidnapped me - the Wolfling, the Chosen Girl,” she said as she knelt down to his level. “The Baptist’s Bride.”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Did you have fun killing my husband, Rookie? Did you enjoy the pain you caused him?” 

“I don’t…”

“Did it feel good to take something from us? Did it feel good to play God?”

“He was hurting people,” he defended.

“He was trying to save them,” she hissed back. “The Father is right, you know. The world is going to end and all these people who fought us and ran away from us...they’ll have nowhere to go. Because of you.”

The Deputy looked away from her and she took a moment to observe him. She looked over his sandy hair, his strong jaw. He didn’t look like the monster he was and she could see that in his eyes. But even Satan was once an angel, she knew. The snake in the garden didn’t seem too evil until he manipulated Eve to take a bite of the apple. Evil never looks the way people expect it to. 

“I’m trying to help,” he said after a moment. 

“Help?” she asked with a laugh. “Help by killing hundreds of people until there’s no one left? All while pretending it’s for the righteous cause? You’re no different than every other tyrant in history. And I cannot wait to rid Hope County of your dictatorship.”

She raised her gun to shoot him in the head, but a hand grabbed her and pulled her back. She let out a yell as she was pushed to the ground, but went quiet when she saw the Father over her, an angry look on his face as he held her.

“Don’t touch him,” Joseph growled. “Let him have this victory.”

Avery tried to push past him but he grabbed her and took her to a truck that was still functioning and hadn’t been destroyed. She kicked and pushed against him, not wanting to go with him. One last look at the Conservatory and she was knocked out with Bliss.

~

A couple days later, and the Marshal was gone. Faith had let him slip from her hands and as a result, Joseph punished her. She showed up to the Veterans Center with bruises fading from her face and Avery held her close while she wept. She hated that she had disappointed the Father, that no matter what she tried, the Deputy seemed to outsmart her. As the result of her failure, just as he had done with John, Joseph used more drastic methods. 

“He wants me to kill people,” Faith said between sobs. “I’m so scared, Avery.”

“I’d offer to do it for you but I feel like that would make Joseph even more angry with you,” Avery replied. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. You’ve seen the Deputy, you’ve seen that his Wrath is what controls him. John saw it, too. I don’t know what to do. I’m not a fighter, not like you.”

Avery held her as she broke down into more sobs, until Jacob showed up later to take Faith back to her car. She hugged Avery tightly and told her she loved her. Avery did the same, but didn’t like the feeling that curled in her gut as she hugged the woman. She didn’t like the dread, the copper taste in her mouth, the way she felt frozen on the spot and didn’t want to let Faith go. Fear gripped her stomach that if she let go, Faith would disappear into dust. 

Once Faith left, Jacob sat with Avery in their room, working on the things John had left behind that still needed to get done to protect the Project. Avery read a law book she’d managed to find while Jacob poured over the piles of paperwork that had made their way onto his desk over the last several days. It was not his strong suit, he’d quickly figured out, so had Avery gotten books from the library in the Center about law and read through them to try and help him. John hadn’t really talked about his work with her because it was confidential, so she was just as lost as Jacob was, if not more.

“Faith’s scared,” Avery said after the long silence of a half hour of looking through a thick book to no avail. “She’s really scared.”

“She has the right to be, we both know the Deputy is violent.”

“Joseph won’t let her die, will he?” 

Jacob sighed and glanced over at her, taking off his reading glasses that he absolutely hated. “I don’t know. He’s not happy with her, that’s for sure.”

“He’s not happy with me, either,” Avery replied. “After the whole thing at the Conservatory.”

“I know,” Jacob replied. He sat back in the chair, scratching at his head. “You find anything over there?”

“Nope. I’d say we call it a night and work on it in the morning.”

“Good call.”

~

_ “Joseph’s seeing things wrong,” John said to her. They were sitting in front of the fire at Seed Ranch...at home. “He’s seeing it wrong and he refuses to face it.” _

_ “What do you mean?” Avery asked.  _

_ “I think that Deputy is going to be the end of our family,” John said, gazing into the fire as he rested his head on her shoulder. “He’s going to destroy everything that Joseph’s built.” _

_ “Everything?” Avery asked. _

_ John nodded somberly. “Everything.” _

_ She pulled his arms tighter around her and moved herself closer to him, her back flush against his chest. She sighed as he pressed a kiss to her neck. “I wanted to kill him.” _

_ “I wish you could’ve,” John replied. “That man’s the Devil incarnate.” _

_ Avery turned in his arms, glancing at him for a moment before pressing her lips against his. He moaned into the kiss and pulled her closer to him, lying down as she draped over him. His fingers danced down her back, through her hair.  _

_ They made love soft and gentle in front of the fire, and Avery sighed in pleasure as he touched her and kissed every inch of her body. He worshiped her. He murmured how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how he wanted to come back to her. _

_ As she was about to climax, she awoke in a cold, dark field. Alone. With wolves howling in the shadows. She ran, sprinting through the field and slicing her feet open on rocks and whatever else was on the ground. _

_ She fell into a river. She fought for breath. She could see the blurry outline of the Deputy standing at the edge of the river, watching her struggle. She could hear John’s voice, begging her to try to swim, try to get breath. The wolves howled around her, she could see their eyes glowing red in the dark of the water, could see the saliva dripping from their mouths as they stared at her. _

~

Avery awoke with a choked sob. She glanced around the still room, her heart pounding rapidly as she tried in vain to catch her breath and calm herself down. John had felt so close, so real. She let out a sob as she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in them.

She glanced over at Jacob, who was sound asleep, snoring. She let out a sniffle and stood, her legs shaky. His bed was a king size, and she’d be able to sleep in it without it being awkward. She crawled into the other side of the bed, careful not to disturb him, desperate to feel close to someone. She couldn’t shake the feeling that the wolves were in the dark, watching her. 

Jacob rolled over and looked at her, his eyes glazed with sleep. “What’re you doin’?”

“I just...I had a nightmare, I need to be near someone.”

“Okay,” he replied. 

He rolled back over and she tried to get herself to fall back asleep, which failed. But at least she was in a bed with a body next to her, with someone who cared about her and could protect her from whatever nightmares might come out from the dark. She pulled the blanket to her chin and closed her eyes, content.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a LOOONG one. Hope you enjoy! :)

The next morning, Jacob shook Avery awake. “Get up.” 

“What’s going on?”

“We have to go to Joseph’s.”

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you on the ride over.”

Avery stood and changed quickly into jeans and a t-shirt before she threw her hunting jacket on and laced up her combat boots. As she braided her long hair, she felt panic swirling in her stomach. She followed Jacob out of the Center and into his truck and from her seat in the passenger side of the car, she witnessed followers running around, shouting orders to each other, all in some sort of panic mode. She took a deep breath and looked over at Jacob, whose face was stoic but she noticed the hint of stress, panic and sorrow behind his eyes and felt the anxiety in her stomach grow.

When they made it to the compound, they parked the car and got out. Avery questioned Jacob, begging him to tell her what was wrong but he shook his head, not even opening his mouth to say anything. Avery followed him into the small house to find Joseph standing in the living room, pacing. His eyes were heartbroken and Avery knew right then what had happened, why she hadn’t wanted to let go of Faith the other day.

“The Deputy killed Faith last night and blew up her bunker. We’ve lost the Henbane,” Joseph said before either of them could talk. 

Avery didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to feel. She wanted to scream, to throw things and watch them shatter, to break everything in her path and release the anger that exploded inside her. But she also wanted to fall to her knees and weep. She wanted to cry and cry until she had no more tears to shed. Her whole body itched to move, to find that motherfucking Deputy and kill them once and for all so that she and Jacob and Joseph could live their lives peacefully and pick up the pieces that the Deputy had left behind.

She stood there, all the conflicting emotions battling for dominance within her. She was frozen, unable to move. It was as if her brain refused to believe what Joseph had said. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe Faith was fine she’d just run away, or was hiding somewhere until the Resistance cleared out of the Henbane. 

“What happened?” Jacob asked.

“Faith captured the Deputy and manipulated him. She made Burke kill the warden and then himself, after he opened the gates to the prison. It seemed like it would work, like the Deputy wouldn’t be able to defend such a large area. But our men failed us. They didn’t hold the prison, and then the Deputy went after Faith. I don’t know what happened when they fought. But she  _ fought _ .”

Avery felt tears leaking down her face but she hadn’t realized they were even there. She hadn’t realized she’d started crying. The Deputy was still out there, still ruining everything and here they were, sitting inside crying like idiots. Jacob didn’t seem phased like he was when John died and Avery supposed she couldn’t blame him. John was his baby brother. Faith was his adopted sister. 

Joseph looked more stressed out than sad. As if her loss wasn’t anything compared to what it meant for the Project. That was something she couldn’t stand. Faith was a person. A young woman. She was a light in Avery’s life when Avery figured she’d never find light again. And now she was lying dead somewhere. All because Joseph had this stupid rule about not killing the Deputy.

“This is your fault,” Avery growled. Joseph stared at her with shocked, teary eyes behind his glasses. “If I had killed the Deputy when I had the chance, if you hadn’t stopped me, Faith would still be alive.”

“Avery,” Jacob said, touching her arm. “Don’t do this.”

“I had him right where I wanted him and I could’ve killed him but you made sure I couldn’t. You’re the reason she’s dead and I hope you never get over that guilt.”

She stormed out of the house, her whole body shaking with fury as she made her way to the river and sat on the dock, watching the world around her continue on with its morning when her whole world felt like it was frozen in some sort of horrible place filled with pain and loss. 

Avery’s mind couldn’t get away from the moment she could’ve murdered the Deputy. If Joseph hadn’t interfered, the Resistance would be over and they would be resuming what was left of their lives in peace. She and Faith could’ve made flower crowns together, could’ve rejoiced that the war was over and they could all walk into the new world together. A family. A broken one, missing a very vital piece, but more a family than whatever it was now. Two brothers. Herself. 

She felt sick and the vomiting came on before she could even register what was happening. When it was all out of her system, she let out a sob as the world around her seemed to spin. She felt a hand on her back and turned to see Jacob, and before she could stop herself she buried herself in his arms, her whole body shaking as he held her. She didn’t cry, she didn’t weep. She just needed him close to her. The one thing she had left. Joseph didn’t count at the moment, not with how angry she was at him. But Jacob? He was the one that was always there, the one that made her feel better; the real father in her life. Joseph was making bad choices that were costing lives and she just couldn’t find it in her heart to feel any sort of love for him in the state she was in.

The funeral was that night. Joseph did the same thing he did with John’s - he had his eulogy televised throughout Hope County. She listened to him speak about Faith, about how loyal she was, about how she did her name proud. He talked about how she was before he met her, how he changed her. The entire time, Avery couldn’t help but feel rage. It was his fault she was gone, and he refused to acknowledge that. 

When the funeral was done, Jacob and Joseph talked in Joseph’s room for a while. Avery sat on the porch, her whole body feeling so heavy and full of anger and grief that she wasn’t sure how she was going to survive until the next day.

“Avery?” 

Her head shot up at the unfamiliar voice and she frowned as she saw Holly standing in front of her. The other woman seemed horrifically sad, but Avery was not in the mood to deal with her. She wanted to mourn in peace, not with the woman who had once slept with her husband. 

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “For everything. Please forgive me.”

“What’s everything?”

“The times that John and I slept together...when you two were getting to know each other...I feel so guilty. It was my fault. I was the one seducing him. I never should have done that.”

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” Avery asked. “He’s gone. And neither of us are ever going to see him again.”

Holly stayed around for a little while longer, desperate for Avery to forgive her, which annoyed Avery to the point where she finally lied and said she was forgiven because all Avery wanted was to be alone with her thoughts. More than that, though, she wanted to go back to the Veteran’s Center and stay up with Jacob to plot how they were going to protect the Whitetails. She had a feeling in her bones that’s where the Deputy was heading next, and she couldn’t stand the idea of losing Jacob, too. 

After a while, she made a promise to herself that she was not going to lose Jacob. Whatever it took, even if it meant that she would have to go against Joseph’s wishes, she would not allow Jacob to befall the same fate John and Faith had met. Just as he had protected her, she would protect him and they would prepare for the end of the world together, in peace, without the Deputy to foil their plans.

Jacob finally emerged from the house and led Avery back to the car. “What’d Joseph say to you?” Avery asked.

“He just talked about our plan for defending the mountains from the Deputy,” Jacob replied. “All the Chosen that survived from Faith’s and John’s regions have come back to the Center, so we should have more than enough men and resources to defend ourselves.”

Avery let out a sigh. “The Deputy blows through people like a tank,” she said. “I watched him when I was defending the Conservatory. He snuck up into the house and just waited by the staircase, shooting down whoever went in there. It was like they were dolls and he was tossing them aside.”

“When we catch him, we’re putting him through the trials,” Jacob said. “We’re gonna test him.”

“What’s the point?”

“Joseph wants us to.”

Avery let out a snort, bitter and angry. “I don’t give a shit what Joseph wants. He’s losing himself. Everything’s becoming so much worse than it needs to be solely because he won’t let us do what we do best.”

“The Deputy is strong, Avery,” Jacob replied. “We need that for the new world. Cull the herd. You know all this.”

Avery rolled her eyes but said nothing. She was too tired to fight him tonight. When they got back, Peaches was waiting with one of the Chosen. They told him that the Deputy was spotted near the F.A.N.G Center, which Jacob’s men were currently holding as an outpost. The bear, Cheeseburger, had gotten out a few weeks ago when they took the center, but the Chosen had figured they’d find him sooner or later. Jacob asked if he’d attacked at all and Peaches said no. But he had some people with him. 

Later in the evening, reports came back that the Deputy killed all the men and Judges over there and took the bear. Jacob glanced at Avery before pulling out his radio. He changed the dial to the channel that John and Faith had used to talk to the Deputy, and pressed the button to speak.

“There is someone out there, pretending to be a soldier,” he said, his voice menacing. “They are killing our brothers and sisters and putting this Project in jeopardy. I want this coward to know that they have my attention. My hunters are coming for you. There's nowhere you can run.” He clicked off the radio and glanced at Avery. “Take some men and go find him.”

Avery nodded and stood to change into her Chosen uniform. She tied her hair up and out of her face before she took her bow and arrows by her bed, as well as a handgun and a rifle, just in case. But she planned to get the Deputy with the bow - it was her favorite hunting tool after all. 

She gathered a few men, including Sebastian, and they headed out. Jacob gave her reports about where the Deputy would be located, and she found him not too far from the F.A.N.G Center, where she shot him with a Bliss arrow and helped her men carry him back to the Grand View Hotel so he can go through the first trial. Jacob met them there and thanked her specifically for bringing the Deputy alive because he clearly knew she did not want to do that. 

Jacob took the Deputy to a room and Avery waited while more men showed up with two additional hostages from the Whitetail Militia. When Jacob came back out of the room, he ordered two men to watch the Deputy and bring him to the trial room in two hours. Avery watched him go down the stairs and wondered for a moment why the hell she hadn’t killed the Deputy when she should’ve. 

~

The first trial, the Deputy made it out alive. Barely. Avery was shocked to see the Deputy in action again, but this time everything felt different. He knew exactly where to go, when, how to shoot each of his weapons. Jacob was shocked as he watched too, praising the Deputy for how well he was doing, which made Avery furious. The Deputy didn’t deserve anything, let alone praise, for the disgusting amount of bloodshed he caused. But of course, Jacob was seeing him as a soldier, watching his strength and technique on display. 

When the trial ended, the Deputy was the last man standing. Avery heard something outside that distracted her, though, and she went to the window to see fire. “Jacob,” she called. He looked over at her. “We gotta fall back. The Militia’s here with a lot of men.”

They left, kept the Deputy tied up to the chair. Avery had questioned Jacob about it but she was only told it was what Joseph wanted after the first trial. While they normally kept their prisoners in cages and put them through trials over and over, Joseph had a different plan for the Deputy. She didn’t understand it but didn’t question it either. 

~

It got out that the Whitetail Militia had picked up the Deputy, and now they were all raising hell together. Avery knew they’d known each other, gotten familiar with each other since he’d helped them attempt to capture her outside of her and Jacob’s old cabin. But she never anticipated what a real, true alliance could do. They were causing so much trouble that even Jacob started to get frustrated.

Over the next couple weeks, Avery found herself slipping into dispair again. It wasn’t as strong as it had been after John died, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt her just as horribly. She picked flowers for her nearly every day and wished she could wander by the Henbane just to be in the area Faith loved so much. 

It was obvious Jacob was struggling, too. He didn’t show it, but when he thought no one could see him, his eyes reflected his heartbreak. Faith was the kindest soul in their family, the most innocent. He’d been there when she came to Joseph, when she was fucked up and broken and a total mess. He’d helped her with it. So had John. 

Faith didn’t join John in her dreams and Avery wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was all in her head, maybe John wasn’t there at all. Or he was and Faith didn’t want to intrude. 

The dreams with John became more frequent and very vivid. It always ended in a nightmare, which broke her heart every night because she just wanted to spend some time with him. Her life was already a nightmare, she didn’t need them while she was sleeping, too. Avery had just taken to sleeping next to Jacob due to the amount of times she came stumbling over there in tears in the middle of the night. Jacob didn’t seem to mind it, even seemed to appreciate having her close to him. 

After a particularly grueling day and the loss of three outposts, the next morning they decided to go hunting and take a break from all the chaos. It was the first day Avery felt good in a long time, having slept through the night with no nightmares. She could tell Jacob needed a break, too - his eyes had grown dark and the bags intense under them, and he had even started looking thinner as if he hadn’t been eating. Avery knew she looked the same - when was there time to eat when there was so much shit going on?

They caught two elk and Avery got some rabbits. They skinned them and brought them back to the Center for Jacob to store in the freezer and fridge until they could eat them. He made them dinner and they ate silently, Avery working in her mind about different ways to defend the Center. That was the most important part.

“Are you okay?” Jacob asked her after a while.

“Yeah,” she replied. 

“Well, I know that’s bullshit, so try again.”

Avery shot him a glare. “I’m fine,” she said. “My life’s turning into a giant nightmare, but I’m fine.”

“It’s gonna work out,” Jacob said. “We’ll defend ourselves. I’m not letting that motherfucker get me, you got that?” 

He reached across and put his hand on Avery’s shoulder. She sighed and tried not to think about John, about Faith...about the fact that their family was slowly falling apart. She didn’t know what the hell she’d do if she lost Jacob. She felt like she would actually lose it, her mind would just break in two and she wouldn’t be able to fix it. The world would end, alright. Her world.

~

_ The field was bright and full of wildflowers, butterflies, and the warm breeze caressed her face in a way that almost felt like a human hand. The river flowed behind her, the water crystal blue. She could hear laughter and wondered where the hell she was. She’d never been there before. Not that she could recall. _

_ “Avery,” a voice said behind her. She turned to see Faith.  _

_ It wasn’t the Faith she remembered. This Faith was sad, heartbroken, bloody and bruised. Avery gasped, terrified for a moment. Faith took another step towards her and grasped her hand, a small smile on her lips. But her eyes remained sad and pained. _

_ “Faith?” Avery asked.  _

_ “John said I could spend some time with you. I didn’t want to interrupt your time with him but he insisted.” _

_ Avery nodded. “I’m so happy to see you,” she said, pulling Faith into an embrace. “Are you okay?” _

_ “I’m wonderful. I know I don’t look it, but I’m happy here.” _

_ Avery smiled. “Good.” _

_ Faith led her around the river, the water feeling cool and delightful against her hands as she dipped into it. She just wanted to feel the water. She always felt John when she felt the water. Her heart still longed for him, wishing he would have come, too. But maybe that was the rule. _

_ “Avery,” Faith said. “Something’s coming.” _

_ Avery glanced over at Faith, who had a bunny in her lap. “I know,” Avery replied. “The Collapse.” _

_ “It’ll be here sooner than you think,” Faith said. “You have to get the Deputy to join us. Otherwise, he will trigger the Collapse and so many people will die.” _

_ Avery stared at her. “You’re sounding like Joseph.” _

_ “That’s the part he doesn’t understand. He knows the Deputy is the lamb opening the seals, but he doesn’t understand the consequences if we can’t get him on our side.” _

_ Avery felt heat flow through her and glanced over to see a mushroom cloud in the distance. The sounds of screams filled her ears. She let out a cry as she covered them, trying to block the sound out. It was so loud it hurt, and she found her own screams joining in. _

_ “Protect Jacob. Get the Deputy on our side.” _

_ ~ _

She woke up screaming, with Jacob above her, his hands on her arms, trying to shake her awake. His expression was one of complete worry and almost terror. He was drenched in sweat and as Avery calmed down, she put her hands over his. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost, and for a moment Avery wondered if he had. They both stayed in that position, breathing heavily.

“What’s wrong?” Avery asked.

“I…” Jacob shook his head. “I was…”

“In the field?”

“No,” he replied. 

Jacob moved so he was sitting against the headboard, and Avery followed suit, their shoulders barely touching as they stared ahead of themselves. Jacob ran a shaky hand through his hair, shaking his head as if he still couldn’t believe his own dream. 

“I was in my fucking childhood home,” he said with a disbelieving huff of laughter and pain. His voice broke when he continued. “John was there. But he wasn’t a kid like I thought he’d be. Shit, he was...John.”

“I saw Faith.”

Jacob glanced at her. “What’d she say?”

“That something was coming. We have to convert the Deputy or the world’s going to end.”

Jacob nodded. “Same thing John said. He said Joseph is trying to get the Deputy on our side only because he saw him in the new world, with all of us, or something...he thinks if he stops the Deputy that the world will still end. But if he stops the Deputy, he stops the end of the world? Is that what you got from all this?”

Avery leaned forward, her head in her hands. It felt like it was splitting and she wasn’t sure how to soothe it. Her hands were clammy and she couldn’t relieve the ache, even rubbing her temples didn’t work. 

“Yeah. Did you see it?”

“Yeah,” he replied. 

“Did it scare you?” she asked.

“Fuck yeah, it scared me,” he replied. “I don’t...I…” 

Avery sighed, resting her head against the headboard as she looked up at the ceiling. “We need to be ready when the time comes.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far!! :)

They captured the Deputy two evenings later. Joseph had radioed Jacob and told him he wanted to talk to the Deputy, so Avery went out with her hunting party and got him, bringing him back to the Center and throwing him in a cage. She was tired that night, the nightmares had started taking a toll on her. Despite the fact that she was seeing John like she had before, the dreams were nowhere near similar. John seemed worried and scared. They didn’t kiss, they didn’t make love. They were always somewhere strange, somewhere that gave Avery the chills. One of them included her own childhood home.

She and Jacob woke up multiple times a night from the nightmares. His were building, too; becoming worse with each night. He refused to tell her what they were about, but she could tell they shook him to the bone. She had a feeling it wasn’t Faith or John he was seeing. She prayed to God that it wasn’t the Angel of Death in his mind, telling him what was in store. If it meant giving her life for him, she would do it in a heartbeat because she couldn’t let anyone else in her family die. Even Joseph, she vowed to herself one night, she would even protect Joseph, despite her anger and resentment towards him. 

The Deputy was knocked back to reality as Joseph arrived. Peaches was at the Deputy’s cage, talking to him and the other prisoner he shared the cage with. Avery watched from afar, acting as a form of security for the Father. The majority of the prisoners hated Joseph, and Jacob wanted her to watch from above with a sniper rifle in case anything happened. Luckily, it was late and the prisoners were either asleep or not paying attention to Joseph, too focused on their own pain and suffering. She was grateful about that. But she kept the sniper at the ready, just in case. She wasn’t about to let anyone touch either of the brothers. 

She couldn’t hear what Joseph was telling the Deputy, but she was sure it was something about his wife and daughter. That was the story he liked to tell people who were still hesitant to convert. She wasn’t sure why, it was pretty dark and sinister, and didn’t paint him in the best light. It sure as hell had creeped her out the first time he told it to her. 

She watched through the scope to see the Deputy’s face. He looked concerned, sad. Jacob did as well. Jacob...well, fuck did Jacob look tired. She probably did, too. She figured there were likely dark bags under her eyes. 

Joseph left, and Jacob opened the music box he used to condition the prisoners. Avery watched as the Deputy convulsed and cried out in pain. It was time for the second trial. Avery had helped Jacob prepare and it was to take place in the Center this time. The Deputy wouldn’t know the difference. The halls looked the same...everything looked the same. And the Deputy would be in a haze of fury and rage. 

He completed the second trial with the same disturbing ease that he completed the first, and it made Avery nervous. Even she had not plowed through them like that. She’d done extremely well, but she hadn’t just acted like a robot the way the Deputy was. She wondered if they’d done something to him. If the Resistance had done what Jacob did with the Judges. She watched in shock as he finished. Jacob praised him again, and it made her furious. 

Jacob let the Deputy go again and she didn’t like that, either, despite his reassurances that it was all part of the plan, and he had something that would break the Deputy once and for all, but he had to wait until the time was right.

~

Avery sat high on a mountaintop, overlooking the entire County. A place that had been her home before everything got destroyed. She had her bow and arrows resting beside her but no intention of using them. Unsure of why she had even grappled her way up that high, just to sit and look over the view, she allowed herself a moment of peace. 

She had left the Center with hopes of catching the Deputy, not to kill him but to let him know what he was doing to her family. As she sat there, though, she had no clue what she would even say to him. What could she say to make him understand what he’d done, how he’d taken her family and ripped it apart. Would he feel sympathy towards her? Would he regret what he did? She assumed he wouldn’t - he probably didn’t even see Joseph’s followers as people any longer, just the enemy that needed to be destroyed.

A crunch behind her caused her to spin around, and sure enough, she was face-to-face with the Sinner that she had just been thinking about. She wasn’t wearing her Eden’s Gate clothing, so he lowered his weapon at first as he looked at her and muttered something about if she had any rations to spare. 

For a moment, Avery considered her position. The Deputy had no idea she was with the Project, and probably didn’t even remember her from the time in the Conservatory. He wasn’t as on guard, his weapon lowered. The desire to pick up her rifle and shoot him in the head overtook her, but she remembered the nightmares.

“Here.”

She handed him some of her jerky and he took a seat on the rock next to her, looking over the view as he nibbled on the meat. 

“Haven’t seen you around before.”

She shrugged. “Got a lot going on.”

“I get that.”

Avery had no idea what to say, or what to do. She didn’t know why she was even sharing her food with him, allowing him to sit next to her and act as though they were in any way on the same side. 

“You’re the Deputy, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Shit, I was hoping you didn’t know. You got a favor that you want me to do? The cult steal your truck or something?”

Her gaze grew wide eyed as she looked at his exhausted face. For the first time she was up close to look at him, and the feeling inside her chest was not malice or anger. It was pity. He was just as tired as she was, as Jacob was. And it was clear that the Resistance wasn’t doing him much good, either.

“No. Just heard talk.”

“Sorry,” he said as he finished off the meat and she handed him another stick. “It just seems like everyone in this place wants me to fight their damn battles. I can’t even remember the last time I got any sleep without someone radioing me about something they need. I try to blow them off sometimes, just go fishing or hiking. But they somehow always find me.”

“Aren’t you the one who started all this?” 

He looked at her and took her face in for the first time, and she watched his eyes go wide as he realized who she was. He stood, backed away from her with his hands raised in a gesture of surrender, as if to let her know he just wanted some peace.

“Shit…” he said. “I’m...look, just let me go. Okay? Please.”

“I want answers, Deputy,” she said. “I’ll let you go and all that, but I need to understand how you can think you’re doing the right thing when all you’ve done is kill people.” 

When he remained away from her, with his hands up, she sighed and gestured at her bow and arrows, which she couldn’t even reach from where she sat. He looked like a frightened little boy and she wanted him to understand that she wasn’t going to kidnap him or torture him. She just wanted to talk, which surprised her but she didn’t want to evaluate that at the moment.

“I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” 

He nodded, took a seat but kept his distance. “Thank you.”

“I need you to understand just what you’re doing. You’ve ripped my family apart. You killed my husband, you killed my sister, you’ve killed a countless number of my friends.”

“Look,” the Deputy said. “I didn’t  _ want  _ to kill John. Or Faith. They left me no choice.”

Avery snorted. “You could’ve set your weapon down. You could’ve joined us.”

It was his turn to laugh. “I’m not joining you crazy fucks.”

She stood then, anger fueling her movements as she got close to him. “You believe in God, Deputy?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I know there is a God. I know that He’s speaking through the Father. I also know that you are threatening everything. You’re threatening not just Hope County, not just the Project...you are a threat to the entire world.”

He frowned. “What’s that mean?”

“It means that you have a choice in front of you. Save everyone or destroy the world because of your Wrath.”

The Deputy laughed, shaking his head as she noticed how tired he looked again. The trials had probably worn him down bad, no doubt. Plus the fact that he wasn’t even a real person to these people anymore. He was a weapon, the same way Jacob had been a weapon when he was in the military. Weapons weren’t humans, weapons didn’t get rest. 

“Do they care about you?” she asked. 

“What’s that mean?”

“It means, do they care about you? Do you think those people love you? You said it yourself that everyone wants something from you and none of them want to help you and put their own lives on the line. Do you think they love you?”

The Deputy glanced at her with a strange look in his eyes. “I don’t...I don’t know.”

“You’re a weapon, Deputy,” Avery said. “They’ve turned you into nothing but a trigger. You said you can’t even relax without your radio going off.”

“Well, I turned it off earlier today.”

“And how’d they feel about that?”

“They didn’t love it but they weren’t angry. They know I’m a human being who needs some down time.”

“The Father would welcome you with open arms, despite everything you’ve done.”

The Deputy looked at her fully, now. He observed her the same way she’d observed him moments ago. There was pain deep in his eyes, and anger, too. Avery’s heart pounded in her chest, desperate with hope that maybe she would get him to see their side and all the fighting could stop. She could live her life with Jacob and Joseph at her side and she would no longer have to worry about losing them.

“Seems to me like you’re in the same boat, in terms of the whole being a trigger thing,” he said. “I’ve heard stories about you. I’ve heard how you’re an amazing hunter, an amazing shooter. I saw you hold your own against your half-brother. I heard from your sister about how you caught Jacob’s attention the second you got to the Project. You’re a killer, too.”

“I only kill when I must,” Avery replied. “I don’t kill for no reason.”

The Deputy sighed. “I don’t think we’re ever going to see each other’s sides.”

“Here’s a side,” Avery said. “You took my husband away from me. You killed him  _ weeks  _ after I finally got to marry him. Then, you and your people took my home away from me. I had to run and now I live in the Veterans Center. I don’t have the photos I want, I don’t have the things that belonged to John that I wanted to keep to remember him by. I have... _ nothing _ . Nothing but the rage that fuels me. You took the love of my life away and you didn’t think twice about it. And then...and then, you took my sister, the only person who was able to help me get out of my depression about losing John. You took her away and now you want to take everyone I’ve ever loved away from me because you see them as the enemy, not as people who are kind and good.”

The Deputy wore a sad expression for a moment before it turned to one of rage. “Your husband was a killer. He was a sick, twisted, psychopath who tortured and mutilated people for fun. Your sister? She was fucking nuts. She manipulated a man into killing himself. And you know what else? The “Father” made her that way. He took her when she was vulnerable and broken and he broke her even more. So much so, that her mind made her think she was saved.”

Avery’s rage reached a boiling point. “That’s not true!” 

“It is. You think Joseph is good? He’s a monster. He takes people and abuses them and drugs them. The same way Jacob does. And you’re right there with them, standing by them while they torture people.”

Avery felt tears prick her eyes. “You don’t know shit.”

“I know your sister,” he said. She gritted her teeth but said nothing. “Your  _ real  _ sister. She’s similar to you, minus the red hair and the messed up religious beliefs. She’s strong. She’s feisty. And she misses you.”

“I don’t miss her,” she growled.

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

“She knew Adam,” Avery said. “She knew Adam and knew how violent he was.”

“She didn’t send him after you, that I can promise you. He was acting on his own,” the Deputy said. “I know you miss her.”

“You don’t know me,” she said. “Don’t sit there and pretend you can read my mind. My sister made her choice. I made mine. I miss my older sister in that I miss how she used to be before we came here. But just like you, the Resistance made her something she’s not.”

“The Peggies, apparently, made  _ you  _ something you’re not,” the Deputy replied. “She’s told me stories about you. How you were kind and innocent, how you never would’ve fallen in love with a man like John in a million years.”

Avery grabbed an arrow and pressed it into his cheek, just enough to draw a bit of blood as she glowered at him. “I am a huntress, I’m a warrior. I’ve always been a warrior. I’ve always been what I am. I was meant for the Seeds the same way my sister claims she was meant for the Resistance,” she said. 

“Did you really  _ love  _ John?” he asked, the subject change almost confusing for Avery for a moment. “I mean, real love. The kind where you can’t stop thinking about that person? Where you just want to be near them?” 

The desire to push that arrow through his cheek was strong within her as she looked at him. She didn’t want to discuss John with his killer. She didn’t want him to mock her for loving someone so damaged and so broken, so complicated that no one in the world really understood him except his family and herself.

“Of  _ course  _ I loved him,” she replied. “He was the only one who understood me. Every single moment without him is pure agony. It’s like someone lit my heart on fire and I can’t put that fire out and my heart is just...burning. Melting into something else.”

“I didn’t want to kill him,” he said. “I didn’t. I would’ve arrested him if I could.”

“No matter what you did, you still would’ve taken him from me,” Avery replied. “We were supposed to have children. We were supposed to enter into the new world together. And you stole that from me.”

The Deputy’s face was sad, emotional. It made her furious and she didn’t know why. He had no right to feel sad. He had no right to feel anything over John’s death, over Faith’s. The only emotion she would allow was guilt. But it looked more like sadness to her.

“He was hurting people,” he said again. 

“I wonder who has the bigger body count now, huh?” Avery asked. 

She watched his expression, watched it shift from sad to something deeper - something painful. His eyes flashed to hers for a moment as he studied her face. He looked as though he wanted to touch her cheek. She didn’t like the look. But the deep emotion in his eyes made it impossible to look away. He hated himself, she could see. The only thing that kept him holding on was the fact that he was doing all this horror for the greater good. 

She lowered her arrow. “Leave. I won’t shoot you. Just leave.”

The Deputy picked up his weapon and turned to leave, but he paused and looked back at her. As she took in his broken expression, she wondered if there was still emotion in there - if he wasn’t just the killing machine everyone said he was. She watched him leave and as soon as he was gone, she fell to the ground. She buried her head in her arms and wept. 

Everything was so fucked up and she didn’t really understand her purpose in all this anymore. She was a leader of the Chosen, sure. But what else? She would’ve been a wife, a mother. She would’ve had a life outside of the combat and pain she caused every day. But with that taken away from her...she was just a weapon. The same as the Deputy. Maybe he had a point.

She stayed like that for another twenty minutes before she got up to move. Her heart weighed heavy in her chest and she wondered if she could ever find it in there to forgive the Deputy. What if he  _ did  _ join them? What if he surrendered his weapon and decided to join the Project? What then? Avery wouldn’t be able to look at him. She wouldn’t be able to love him like Joseph would expect her to.

That much, she knew.


	15. Chapter 15

A few days later, Avery captured the Deputy a third time. The song drove him into a frenzy and she and Sebastian had to carry him to the Center on their own, the rest of the men still dealing with the Militia and their attempts to sabotage everything. 

The Deputy was unconscious for about seven days. During those days, she and Jacob fought the Militia as they tried to penetrate the walls of the Center, as well as their other strongholds throughout the mountains, in attempts to rescue the Deputy from their grasp. Jacob didn’t feed the Deputy or give him any water, something Avery remembered distinctly from her own trials, and she found herself reminiscing on them, how they’d gone. The memories were so vivid, as if they’d happened just yesterday and not five years ago.

She had already dealt with John’s interrogations. He’d been cruel, marking her with her sins and tormenting her into confessing. But there was something about the confession that made her body feel so much lighter. The idea that every shameful thing she ever did was out in the open and John still accepted her had made her realize that the Project was her family. And she’d be lying to herself if she hadn’t liked it. She’d lusted after John the moment they met, and when she confessed her sin of lust to him, she knew he’d returned it.

She’d gone through the Bliss with Faith, had done the Pilgrimage. But of course, the Seeds had still been wary about her and she found she couldn’t blame them for their nervousness. So she’d gone to Joseph’s compound. He’d done something painfully similar to John, minus the physical torture. He’d gotten his fingers on her mind and cracked it open like an egg, spilling out her deepest secrets and thoughts and desires. She’d told him about her feelings for John, she’d told him about wanting to be an expert hunter, how she liked target practice and was good with a gun. So Joseph had sent her to Jacob.

Jacob was harsh with her, especially since Joseph suggested she join the ranks of the Chosen. So, the trials had been brutal. During her first trial, she wasn’t even allowed a weapon. And during her second one, the Judges were included. She was kept in a cage for sixteen days between her second and third trials. And during those sixteen days, she was given hardly any food, only enough to keep her alive and only the occasional drink of water - even then, whenever Jacob gave her water or food, he humiliated her in front of his men. He’d give her it in a dog bowl and make her drink it like an animal, he’d hold the water bottle just out of her reach, dump it on the ground, and make her lick the muddy water up. It nearly broke her, the humiliation. But when she’d withstood it, when she’d still been able to hold her head up high and slaughter her third trial, Jacob had admitted that he was impressed.

In the months following her triumph, she’d started training with the Chosen. They were cruel at first, of course they were. They had to make sure new recruits could handle it. If they couldn’t, they were weak. But she’d never met one person who made it that far who broke down at that point. 

When the Deputy awoke on the seventh day, Jacob had given him mystery meat, which he devoured. Avery was thankful she was never given the “mystery meat”, which she was 90% sure was human flesh. Jacob wouldn’t ever confirm that fact to her, though. So she didn’t know for sure. 

Jacob had Peaches trim his beard while he told the story about Miller. It was something Avery had heard multiple times. She watched from the next cage over, her bow and arrow at the ready, pointed at the group of prisoners inside. 

They all feared her. After the wedding, her name was heard more and more on the Resistance frequencies. They talked about her often, not that she minded. But she knew they feared her. Of course they did. She was Jacob’s right hand girl, the person he relied upon to get shit done and get it done well. Jacob’s right hand girl, John’s wife. If that didn’t raise fear in their hearts, she wasn’t sure what would.

Jacob played the music box and Avery followed him to prepare for the trial. They watched the Deputy shoot his way through the twisting hallways. Jacob muttered praise into his ear through the radio and while Avery tried to control her rage, she wasn’t very good at it. She gritted her teeth and watched with her arms crossed. 

The trial ended. Jacob and Avery left to do some more recon and discuss possibilities for keeping the Deputy there and defending themselves against any stupid rescue missions that come their way. They sat in their shared room, at Jacob’s desk, when Sebastian burst into the room, panting. 

“Sir,” he said. “Peaches is helping the Deputy escape.”

Jacob slammed a fist down on the table. “Play the goddamn song,” Jacob ordered. 

Sebastian nodded and sprinted out of the room. Jacob grabbed his rifle and Avery grabbed hers. They were not about to let the Deputy get away. And Peaches was not in for a good night after all this. When they made it to Peaches, he was alone. The Deputy was nowhere to be found, their men searching the grounds and the woods beyond it. Avery was furious. Jacob even worse. He grabbed Peaches as he convulsed and screamed, the song still blaring so loudly Avery swore she herself felt sick, even though she hadn’t been conditioned.

_ Only youuu…can make all this world seem right. _

_ Only youuu...can make the darkness bright. _

_ Only you, and you alone, can thrill me like you do... _

Avery followed Jacob to the truck after she sent groups of Hunters and Chosen to go look for and capture the Deputy. As she got in the car, she saw Peaches was handcuffed at the wrists and feet. He thrashed against the seat and Jacob asked her to sit back there with him to restrain him. The song was so loud, but Avery agreed, moving to sit next to him and hold him down. 

The drive to the Armory was short, thankfully. They wrestled him into the lower levels and tied him up. Avery watched as Jacob tortured him, a camera pointed and recording. Jacob threw punches, broke fingers, did all the things he was trained to do, and Avery watched with a blank expression. Peaches had done it to himself, anyway. He kept looking at her with pleading eyes.

“She’s not gonna help you,” Jacob said. “You’re weak. You’re pathetic.” 

“Please!” Peaches cried.

Avery watched but did nothing. 

“She knows you’re weak. She knows the weak must be culled.”

The torture went on for another hour before Jacob had Peaches recite some words into the camera, which he set to record and send to every screen within Hope County. Just as John had observed about the Deputy, Jacob noted that he’d do anything to help his friends. So, the broadcast was like honey to the wasp that the Deputy was. He’d come back.

Staci shook as he spoke, stumbling over the words on the cue cards Avery held up for him.

“My name is Deputy Staci Pratt, of the Hope County Sheriff’s Department, and I want...I want to apologize for the moment that I have helped inflict on the people at Eden’s Gate. I never wanted any of this to happen. I was just brought here under false pre...pre-tenses and fed lies about Joseph Seed and his family. Foolishly, I believed them, but now after the great generosity they’ve given me, I know the truth. Something is co- something is coming, and if we do not prepare we will perish. The world is plagued by a cancer of weakness, and the only way forward is strength. Jacob Seed will give us that strength, he will give us the means to protect each other in the coming col-collapse. He will make us strong. My name is Staci Pratt of the Hope County Sheriff’s Department, and I will train, I will kill, and I will sacrifice in the name of the Father, and the Project at Eden’s Gate.”

Jacob applauded him at the end, sarcastically and cruel, before he tortured him a little bit more before he deemed that it was time to turn in and get some rest. He gave Peaches one last punch and they headed home, Peaches under heavy guard in the Armory.

“That’ll teach him not to defy me again,” Jacob said, his grip tight on the steering wheel. “Hopefully some of the hunters come back with good news.”

“I doubt it,” Avery replied. “That Deputy is slippery like a fucking snake.”

Jacob huffed an agreement. The rest of the drive was silent, and when they returned, they realized that sleep wasn’t really an option. The Deputy had destroyed the blockers they’d put on the radio towers, in order to broadcast the Project’s music and preaching throughout Hope County. So Jacob had to gather the Chosen and the Hunters and discuss the next steps they would take to get the Deputy back.


	16. Chapter 16

Over the next couple days, the Militia grew into something truly destructive. The Project was losing outposts left and right, their supply trucks were getting raided, their wolf beacons were destroyed. Avery wasn’t able to keep up with it all inside her head. It was like trying to make sense of sand. There was no proper order to it, no way to understand it. All she knew was that they needed to find the Wolf’s Den and get rid of Eli. With the Deputy, they’d still be something, but without Eli...they’d be much less than what they were. 

Jacob spent most of his evenings meeting with Joseph at his compound, while Avery worked twice as hard in terms of training her men and working with new recruits, as well as training the Judges since Jacob didn’t have much time. Exhaustion started to weigh heavy on her, considering she only got an hour or two of sleep every night because she was so busy. Eyelids heavy and drooping, she struggled to keep herself awake when she had even a second of downtime.

The little sleep she had was extremely restless. Whenever he visited her, John was anxious, worried, and she kept hearing screaming and seeing that goddamn mushroom cloud. The end was coming, she could feel it. She wondered if Joseph could feel it, too.

Jacob came home one night with a plan and explained it to Avery while they both chugged coffee in their room. They’d use the Deputy to get inside the Wolf’s Den and they would eliminate the threat. Avery wondered if it would work, had her own doubts. What if the Deputy failed? Or worse, what if he succeeded but it only made the Militia stronger? Sure, Tammy and Wheaty were the only leaders that the Militia would have left if Eli died, but the Deputy would still be there.

Jacob assured her he’d break the Militia. Joseph was getting manic, was seeing the end of the world the same way that Avery and Jacob were in their dreams. Jacob said that he planned to kill the Deputy after they got the Militia out of the way. But he assured her that he wouldn’t let the Deputy succeed or become anything better than what he already was. 

So when he had Avery and her men go out and find the Deputy for the third time several hours later, she felt a little bit better. Inside of her, a small bloom of hope appeared that maybe she would not lose her family after all. 

They found him relatively easily and brought him back and it was when they returned that Avery felt the small amount of hope evaporate and turn into dread. The same way she’d felt the day John died, the same way she felt before Faith had died...it was there and present and heavy in her belly as she brought the Deputy to his assigned cage. She hadn’t spoken about it to anyone before and her loved ones got killed, so she prayed to God that if she spoke up about it this time, He would listen.

So, she walked up to Jacob as he waited outside the Deputy’s cage, a clipboard in hand. 

“Jacob,” she whispered. “I don’t feel good about this.”

“I know, kid,” he said, as he planted a kiss on top of her head.“It’ll be fine. He’ll do whatever I say.”

Avery shook her head. “I should go with you. I should help you defeat him.”

“No,” he said. “The safest place is here. I’m not putting you in any more danger.”

The dread inside her reached a level she couldn’t control, and Avery grabbed Jacob’s hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. He frowned down at her, confused, as he hugged her back and patted her back.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I feel it, Jacob. I feel it in my heart, my stomach. I felt this way before John died, same thing with Faith. Please let me help you. I’m begging you. I can’t lose you, Jake.”

He let out a sigh but seemed to sense her desperation. “Fine. But you hide. I’ll signal to you if you’re needed, alright? I refuse to put you in danger again.”

Avery agreed. The Deputy awoke and reached outside his cage to get the music box, where Jacob had placed it just out of his reach. Jacob chuckled and sauntered over there, a smirk on his face. He was so confident. But Avery wasn’t. She felt sick to her stomach with worry and she continued to pray. 

Jacob played the music box and Avery watched as the Deputy convulsed to the sound. They followed him as he lead them exactly where Jacob planned him to go. Jacob took his place on the mountain with his sniper rifle and told Avery to go a little further down and hide in the trees, completely out of view. 

Screams rang out from the bunker that the Militia had been hiding in. Jacob glanced at her and smirked. His plan had worked, so far at least. But Avery still felt sick and had her gun at the ready. She heard gunshots, heard the music blaring from the speakers. She winced every time a gun went off, including Jacob’s. She knew the sound of his rifle well but it still made her nervous, made her think the Deputy was close. She could hear Jacob speaking to the Deputy, but not what he was saying. Once the speakers were shot out, she got nervous. 

Jacob let out a noise and she saw him limping.  _ Fuck, oh fuck _ . He looked right at her, his eyes sad and broken. She raised her gun, but he shook his head as she heard the Deputy coming up the mountain and Jacob motioned for her to stay where she was. Tears welled in her eyes and she didn’t know what to do. 

Helplessly, she watched as the Deputy came up to the mountain, just as Jacob made his way to sit down on a rock. 

“My brother saw all this coming,” Jacob said, his voice full of pain. 

It reminded her of John’s voice before he died and Avery felt her heart shred inside her chest. There was nothing left of it anymore. Jacob was going to die and she was going to be alone. It didn’t matter what she did, she could kill the Deputy right then and there but Jacob was hurt, she could hear it in his voice, and he would not survive even if she could rescue him. He glanced over at her and his expression told her to stay there. All she could do was obey his last wish.

“I don't know if he talks to God...that doesn't matter,” Jacob continued. 

The Deputy listened to him silently, and for a moment, Avery wondered what John’s last words had been, or Faith’s. She almost felt blessed to be there to hear Jacob’s, but the thought of that broke her. Sobs clawed at her throat but she refused to let them out. 

“He was right,” Jacob said. “Humanity is once again in crisis. It doesn't matter what we build or achieve...we will always find a way to break it down. Babylon, Rome, empires rise, empires fall. America. We're no different. We think we're indestructible. World War II. War on 'Terror', we survived it, but it only brought us closer to the edge. And this is where we are. Right here on schedule, just waiting for someone to push us, and oh boy, have you pushed us.” 

Avery felt anger swell up inside her. He’d done more than pushed them, he’d destroyed them. The Deputy had taken everything from them; everything they loved, everything they needed to prepare for the Collapse, every single thing was gone because of this man. She held her hand over her mouth to suppress the sobs that were trying to climb their way up.

It was clear that Jacob was nearing his end, and Avery couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t believe he was getting taken away from her, too. In the five years since she’d come to the Project, since she’d met him, she’d grown to love him and care for him and it was hard to picture a life without him there to teach her new things, give her advice. The mere thought drove a rush of pain through her chest and she wanted to die, too. 

“You did everything he said you would do. And you didn't even know it. You had no fucking clue.” 

With one more breath, Jacob’s eyes closed and Avery felt her whole body fall to the floor before her mind had registered what had happened. The fall had made noise, the leaves and branches below her snapped as her weight collapsed on top of them, but the Deputy didn’t seem to notice. He just went for the key to Jacob’s bunker, and then he was gone. Just as quickly as he had arrived, Avery watched him disappear. She couldn’t even wait until he was a safe distance away before she let out a pained wail and ran to Jacob’s body, kneeling in front of it and cupping his face with her hands.

“Jake,” she whimpered. “Please wake up, I’ll do anything if you just wake up.”

He was already turning cold and Avery wanted to die. She wanted to scream. She wanted to kill anyone and everyone who ever wished him pain. She wanted to throw herself off the mountains and never have to deal with any of this ever again. The desperation and pain inside her chest were almost too much, she was sure she would rip open and die, right there next to Jacob. She buried her head in his knee and wept. 

She didn’t know how long she was there. But when her radio sparked to life with Joseph’s voice, she knew he was just as broken as she was. 

“Avery?” he asked, his voice soft and barely a whisper.

“Yeah.” 

“Where are you?”

“With Jacob’s...b-body,” she replied, the word too painful for her to say without stumbling. 

There was a sigh on the other end and Joseph told her a few followers would be there soon to take her to his compound and retrieve Jacob’s body. She gave him a more exact location and he thanked her, but she didn’t even respond. She continued weeping, until a low noise made her look up. She turned and saw a red wolf staring at her. Her stomach clenched and she raised her weapon, but the wolf bowed its head in an almost submissive gesture. A frown graced her face as she lowered the weapon and waited. The wolf came over to her, not threatening in the least. She reached out a shaking hand and pet it, sobbing as it allowed her to do so. 

“Jacob?” she asked. 

The wolf didn’t respond, but it nuzzled into her touch. She broke. She fully broke and pulled the wolf to her. It wailed with her and that’s how Sebastian and the rest of the men found her. They stared at the wolf for a moment, their weapons at the ready, but Avery told them not to shoot. The wolf nuzzled into her one more time before letting out a loud and beautiful howl and running off into the woods. 

They carried Jacob’s body to the truck and drove to Joseph’s compound in a convoy. She sat in the back of the truck carrying Jacob’s body, feeling empty. Joseph was the only one left, the only member of her family that mattered now. And she needed to protect him. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if he got killed. 

When they arrived, Joseph was still in his house. He was talking on the radio, shouting orders. The Deputy was in the Armory, she could feel it. When she came in, Joseph glanced up and ordered the men to do what it took and not let the Deputy destroy the bunker. She walked towards him and he held out his arms, which she collapsed into. He held her while she wept, humming ‘Amazing Grace’, which normally would infuriate her, but she didn’t mind it now. It was almost calming. But she could tell he was crying, too.

“I know you blame me for all this, Avery,” he said. “I understand why you do. But all of this...it has a purpose.”

“I know,” she replied, her whole body exhausted. 

He made tea for them both and they sat at his kitchen table. Avery wondered if Joseph was next. What if the Deputy won? What if Eden’s Gate went up in flames? What would happen to her? Where would she go? She didn’t want to see Theresa again, not after all this. There wasn’t a possible way for her to go home. Her parents might not even remember her, if they were still alive. She was stuck. She wondered if she could kill herself and God could forgive her for it, given the circumstances.

_ Don’t think that way, my dear. _

A choked sob escaped her as John’s voice rang in her ear. He sounded so close to her, like he was sitting in the empty chair next to her. Joseph put a hand on her arm but she felt fury rise up inside her that he wasn’t John. Why wasn’t John the last one alive? Why had God made him leave this world first?

She reached for his hand and held it tightly. “He’s still here,” she explained, her voice was strained and tight. “Fuck, he’s still here. But I can’t hold him or touch him or feel him and it’s so hard.”

Joseph cupped her chin and had her look up at him. His eyes were swimming with tears, too. “They’ll be with us always.”

Avery broke down again and he stood, pulling her to him. She wept into his stomach as he whispered comforting words to her. It felt like her whole world was spinning out of control and she could do nothing to stop it. Maybe all this  _ was  _ God’s plan. Maybe the world was going to end. She hoped so. Fuck, did she hope so. She wouldn’t mind spending that time with Joseph, calmly in a bunker, without anyone to take him away from her.

He gave her some Bliss to calm her down. 

As she slept, she dreamt of John, of Jacob, of Faith.

~

As Joseph gave his eulogy for his older brother, he was nowhere near as composed as he had been during John’s and Faith’s. The emotions he showed were raw as he sobbed and screamed and raved. She watched from her usual seat and couldn’t look around her at the empty seats that rested near her. She couldn’t accept the fact that they were gone.

“But now I see,” Joseph said. His voice turned dark and sinister and Avery sat up straighter in her seat to hear what he had to say. “You took my family from me so that I could have yours. We will welcome them with open arms...just as we will welcome you. We’ll be waiting for you where it all began.”

The funeral concluded and Avery waited in Joseph’s compound, not wanting to deal with the followers giving their condolences to her. She couldn’t stand it. She felt fury stewing in her belly. How could Joseph say such a thing? She didn’t want to welcome anyone with open arms, especially the people that had taken all of this from them.

When he returned, he looked as though he was waiting for her to fight with him. 

“Avery-”

“No,” she growled back. “I understand that you want to convert the Deputy. John and Faith told me that’s what needed to happen. But he’s taken everything!” She threw something, she wasn’t sure what, but it hit a mirror and caused it to shatter. “Jacob’s gone, Faith is gone, John is gone! Your whole family is gone and you still want to welcome that sinner into the Gates of Eden?”

No one dared to talk to Joseph this way, she knew. She knew that even his brothers didn’t do this. She’d heard Jacob argue with him plenty of times but he’d never screamed at him. Not like she was doing now. 

Joseph sat down and sighed, taking off his glasses. “It’s God’s will.”

“Yeah?” she asked. “Well, fuck God’s will!”

“Do not blaspheme!”

She felt herself take a step back, his voice frightening her. She’d heard he could be cruel, but she’d never been on the receiving end of it. 

“Do you think I wanted this?” he demanded.

“I don’t know but I sure as fuck don’t!” she screamed. 

She threw something else, couldn’t even register what it was. There was a deep desperation within her to break everything, to destroy the entire room, just as her life had been destroyed over the last few months. There was no calm within her, no acceptance of the pain and anguish she was feeling. The red wolf, its beautiful howl, the way she knew it was Jacob when she held it had ripped her apart and she could not explain what she wanted or needed, but breaking things somehow gave her a small dose of satisfaction.

“I’m tired of turning the other cheek, Joseph. I’m tired of letting this motherfucker hurt everything that I hold dear! I’m not about to let him come in here and take you from me, too!”

Joseph sighed, sitting down and rubbing his head. “I’ve got a plan, Avery. I’m going to give him a choice. And he’ll choose the right one.”

“How the hell could you know that?”

“I don’t,” he growled. “But it’s what needs to be done!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter WRECKED. ME. I'm so sorry for so much angst, and I'd especially like to apologize to Avery, who I have tortured and destroyed with this chapter. :( If you have read this far, thank you so much!! I'm hoping there will be an end to the darkness soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the awkward shortness of this chapter. I hope you enjoy! :)

They fought for another hour before he gave her Bliss against her will and knocked her out. The next morning, she woke up to an empty house and a note from him instructing her to go to a specific prepper stash that was in Holland Valley. She rolled her eyes but read further. He said that the last seal might be opened today, and that she would need to find shelter. She wondered what the fuck that could mean, but decided she didn’t have the energy within her to fight him.

So she took what he instructed her to - all the food in the house, her weapons, anything she could carry. She got in the car he’d left outside for her and drove to the stash, where she had to take out a few Resistance members but they weren’t any of the major leaders, so it didn’t take very long.

She waited outside it, raiding the house with what she could carry down there. She spent the entire morning preparing it. Joseph had said he would try to join her. She let out a sigh as she waited. For what, Avery wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what any of this was supposed to mean. Was the world going to end or was Joseph just losing his mind?

After waiting in the sun for three hours, she saw it. 

The mushroom cloud from her dreams. 

_ Get into the bunker, _ she heard John’s voice command. _ Get in there and lock the door and do not open it for anyone _ .

Avery watched as fire overtook everything. Another cloud came and the ground shook as chaos erupted all around her. She got into the bunker, her heart beating too goddamn loud and hard into her chest that she thought she would die. She locked it tight and glanced around her at the small bunker she would spend the next seven years within.

“What about Joseph?” she asked aloud. 

_ He will be fine. Do not open that door for anyone.  _ John’s voice was right there. So close she felt she could touch him.

“He’s going to die!”

_ He’s not. Do not open that door, Avery. _

~

The next several hours were terrifying. Avery felt the Earth shaking. The emergency broadcast boomed through the bunker’s radio and her own. She could hear the screams from her nightmares, but they were muffled. There were sounds at the door to the bunker, people screaming to let them in and trying to break the door down to no avail. Each time she heard someone outside, she waited with her gun and a gas mask over her face, but no one made it in.

Finally, silence fell. 

Avery waited. For anything. For something to tell her that the world had ended and she was to stay where she was for the next seven years. She took a breath and a seat on the small bed before she checked radio channels, speaking into the microphone and silently praying someone would hear her, but no one answered her. 

Until…

“Avery?” Joseph’s voice asked. 

“F-Father?”

“Are you where I told you to be?”

“Yes,” she replied. “What’s going on? Are you safe?”

“Yes. I am in that sinner Dutch Roosevelt’s bunker.”

“Is he there?” she asked. 

“I took care of him.”

She could hear screaming in the background. It was muffled, as if by a gag. “Joseph...who is that?”

Joseph sighed and took a moment to respond. “I told you, it’s Dutch.”

“Oh,” Avery replied. “When you said you took care of him, I assumed you meant you killed him.”

“Of course not,” Joseph replied. “How are you?”

“Fucking scared,” Avery said. “Joseph...what’s the plan?”

“That bunker should’ve had enough food and supplies to feed six, correct?” 

Avery got up and looked at the food storage. “Yeah,” she replied. 

“Seven years from today, and we can rise from the ashes of the old world and step into the new world God created for us,” he said. “I will check up on you as often as I can. I know it must be frightening there, alone.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive, honestly,” Avery replied. “Isn’t this how people go insane?”

“I’ll be here for you, child.”

They spoke for a few more minutes before Joseph said he had to get off. She clicked off her radio and glanced around the small bunker. Sure, it wasn’t that small considering it had been built to house six. But it still felt claustrophobic, mostly because she was all alone and there were no windows to the outside world. How was she supposed to go through life with no human contact for the next seven years? She let out a deep breath and attempted to control her thought process. Maybe it wouldn’t be horrible. Maybe she would be happy. Maybe everything would work out.

But there was the part of her that kept telling her she’d go mad.


	18. Chapter 18

“John,  _ stop _ ,” Avery said. 

He was whistling again. A new habit he must have picked up in the afterlife that she couldn’t help but find extremely annoying.

“Joseph’s worried about you,” he replied. 

He walked across the room to sit next to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder that she did not feel. 

“You need to let him know you’re safe.”

Avery shook her head, trying to focus on her book. “He knows.”

“Kid,” Jacob told her, standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. “C’mon. You know that we know he’s worried sick.”

She rolled her eyes but reached for her radio, ignoring the smirk Jacob and John exchanged - it was rare for her to listen to them and do what they suggested. She clicked it on and set it back on the table, not wanting to be the first one to reach out to him. John rolled his eyes and stared at her until she glanced at him with an annoyed expression.

“What?” she asked.

“Just radio him.”

Avery growled in frustration. 

“C’mon, it’s been almost two months. He might think you’re dead,” Jacob said. “Especially since the last thing he heard from you was that you didn’t feel well.”

Avery picked up the radio and clicked the button to speak into it. “Joseph? You there?’

There was static and nothing for a while. After two minutes, Avery raised an eyebrow at John and Jacob before placing it back on the desk. 

“Avery?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “Joh-” she stopped herself - she was not about to tell him that John and Jacob suggested she radio him, because he would absolutely think she had lost her goddamn mind. “I’m sorry it’s been a while.”

“It’s all right, my child,” he replied. “Are you well?”

“I got something a week or so after the Collapse,” she muttered. “I’ve just started getting better. There wasn’t a whole lot of medicine down here.”

“I’m so sorry,” Joseph said. “You should not have had to go through that alone.”

John chuckled and she glared at him. “It wasn’t too bad,” she replied. “How are you?”

“I am well. I spend most of the day praying.” 

“Well...that’s good. I’m glad you’re well.”

“I miss you, Avery. When it’s time, I will come to the bunker and help you out.”

“Oh,” she replied, not expecting the frankness from the older man. “I miss you, too. How will I know it’s you?”

“I’ll sing.”

Jacob chuckled this time and continued to do so despite the glare he received from Avery. “Okay. I’ll listen for your singing then.”

“Listen, I must go but I will call tomorrow. I am glad you’re feeling better, Avery.”

“Me, too,” she replied.

They said their goodbyes and Avery glanced at Jacob and John. 

“Happy now?” she asked.

Jacob laughed and shook his head as he sat down on the bed across from the couch. John put his hand on Avery’s back, rubbing small circles that she wished to God she could actually feel. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him. 

“Is Faith still in the bathroom trying to grow those flowers?” Jacob asked after a while. 

“Yes!” Faith called. 

Avery looked upon her family, feeling relieved that they’d somehow made it into the real world and come down there with her. She wouldn’t know what she would do without them there. Probably go crazy, she assumed. 

~

“Avery?” Joseph’s voice sparked to life on her radio. 

Avery let out a groan, untangling herself from John’s arms. “Y-yeah?” she asked, her voice riddled with sleep. 

“How are you?” he asked.

Avery glanced at her watch, which she still figured was right, and saw it was 7:00 am. “Tired, and still sleeping.”

John stirred next to her and wrapped his arms around her naked waist, trying to pull her back under the covers. But of course, she could only see it. She couldn’t feel it. She wished she could find a loophole in that stupid rule.

“Do you know what today is?” 

She sighed and glanced at the calendar on the wall. “It’s two years since the Collapse.”

“In five years, we’ll be able to go outside again.”

Avery rolled her eyes and glanced down at John, who was pressing kisses to her naked stomach . “Five years is still a really long time.”

“But it isn’t  _ seven  _ years.”

They chatted for a little while longer before Avery came up with an excuse to go. John was pressing his lips lower on her abdomen and she was not about to let him do that while Joseph was on the other line. That was the one thing she could feel, the only time she could feel him. She wanted to enjoy it without his stupid fucking brother on the other line.

Avery let out a moan as John licked his way down to her folds, delving his tongue in and not wasting any time. Her fingers tangled in his hair. She swore she could feel it slide against her skin. She could feel his hand come up to pinch her nipple and she shivered at the feeling. 

John let out a growl against her dripping cunt and she smiled. She loved these moments. Craved them all day, every day. 

But of course, a bunker was a bunker. And Jacob walked in on accident.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “If this happens one more time, I swear I’m gonna go out there and bring the apocalypse in here.”

Avery chuckled. “Well, maybe don’t just barge in places, then!”

“We are literally in a bunker,” Jacob retorted. “A bunker that has no doors. So I’m not sure what you suggest I do.” Avery chuckled as John got up in just his boxers and pushed past Jacob to go to the bathroom. “I never should’ve let you two get married.”

~

“This book is strange,” Faith said from her place in Avery’s lap. Avery glanced down at the book she was reading and saw it was The Scarlet Letter.

“I know,” Avery replied. “I had to read it in school.”

“It’s so intense,” Faith said with a sigh. “When was the last time you heard from Joseph?”

“A week ago,” Avery replied, not looking up from her copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. 

She was grateful to whoever stocked this bunker because at least they had the sense to put some good books in there with all the difficult-to-read classics. She stole a glance at the calendar on the wall. She saw it was John’s birthday. He would’ve been 36 today. And if that didn’t make Avery’s blood boil something furious…

“Happy birthday!” Faith said as John walked in from the bathroom, as if she could read Avery’s mind. Maybe she could. Like John’s whistling, maybe that was what she gained when she crossed over.

“Oh,” he said, glancing at the two of them. “Is that a thing we do?”

Avery shrugged. “We could start. It’s not like we can celebrate or anything, considering we don’t have any sort of decorations...or form of cake or dessert we could eat.”

John chuckled and came over to her, placing a kiss on her cheek. “That’s thoughtful of you.”

So, Avery marked everyone’s birthdays on her calendar and they promised to make sure they said something at the very least. Avery wished she could make cake and buy presents like they used to do. It would’ve been so much better that way. But she knew that wouldn’t work now. 

~

“Avery, you there?” Joseph’s voice filled the bunker and Avery felt exhausted, too tired to even think about getting the phone.

Her brain was going nuts. She couldn’t stand the isolation. The bunker was empty and she didn’t know why and she drifted through her days and nights like a machine, not paying attention to anything. She mostly slept now.

The first person to leave was Faith. It was like one day, she suddenly had gone missing. Jacob and John had tried to find her, but it wasn’t possible to find someone who wasn’t even there in the first place. So Avery figured maybe she would just come back. She didn’t.

Jacob was the next to go. He’d said goodbye, at least. It was a strange moment that they were all sitting together and Jacob just said it was time to go. Avery had begged him to stay, not to leave her there. John had begged with him, too, a scared look on his face. What happened to them when they disappeared? What did it mean? Where did they go? Was it good or bad? 

Then it was just her and John for another year and a half. That had been okay, but John had changed. Avery knew it was because Jacob and Faith had disappeared into thin air...literally. And he was more somber and depressed than usual. He kept speculating on what it meant that they were gone and why he hadn’t left yet. Were they in heaven but he was stuck in whatever kind of limbo he was in? Had they gone to Hell and he was the only one of them that was saved? Or was he the one in Hell, so close to the love of his life but not even able to truly be there?

Then, one morning, Avery woke up alone. Completely, utterly alone. Despite the fact that she’d fallen asleep against John’s warm chest. That morning, the world seemed to collapse in on itself all over again. No matter how much she called their names, no matter if she tried to hold regular conversations like before, they wouldn’t come. They were gone for good and part of Avery felt like she was going to die without them. She couldn’t last for another two years. She couldn’t do it. Not without them.

So she’d become withdrawn from...everything. She rarely got out of bed. She barely ate any food. She grew skinnier and dirtier with every day but she couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed if she was alone; if she would never get to see the people she loved ever again. Even if it was imaginary, even if it had all been in her head, she didn’t care. As a result of becoming so excruciatingly depressed, she hadn’t bothered to answer Joseph’s radio calls.

“Avery?” he tried again. “If you are alive, please answer me. I am so worried about you.”

Avery growled and got up, walking over to the radio. “What?”

“Thank the Lord,” Joseph breathed on the other side. “I was scared you had died down there.”

“Part of me did,” she muttered. 

“Are you alright?”

“No, Joseph,” she said, her voice breaking. “No, I’m not alright. I’m alone in this goddamn motherfucking bunker and I have been for almost six years now. I’m fucking done. I want to go outside.”

“No!” He sounded terrified. “Don’t. It’s not safe.”

“How the fuck do you know?”

“God told me. Please, Avery. Stay inside. You only have a year and two months left. I know you can do it.”

“John’s gone,” she muttered. “He was the last thing I had and he’s gone.” 

Joseph remained silent on the other end and she figured she had confused or startled him. She hadn’t spoken to him about the fact that his whole family had kept her company over the last several years, that they had been the only thing to keep her sane in this little hole in the ground that she called home.

“First it was Faith. But that was almost three years ago, now. And then Jacob. Which was...what? About two. And then John left six months ago and I just...I can’t be alone anymore.”

“Avery…” Joseph spoke slowly, as if talking to a small animal that might run away. “What are you talking about?”

“They were here,” she wept. “They were here and now they’re gone and I don’t know where they went!”

Joseph let out a sigh. “I’m so sorry, my child.”

“Please, let me come to you. I can’t do this. I can’t be alone. It’s too much.”

“I wish you could come to me, but it’s not safe outside.”

Avery broke down, tears pouring down her cheeks. She needed to get the fuck out. She needed to leave. She couldn’t bear it any longer. “Please, Joseph.”

“We can talk all day, if you think that’ll help. You can tell me what you four got up to down there.”

Avery shook her head. “I need you here.”

~

Luckily, two weeks after that radio call with Joseph, Avery found a hidden stash of crayons, markers, colored pencils, water colors, acrylic paint and paper that she had somehow missed. She wasn’t sure how, considering the space was so small. But she didn’t care. She drew and painted. She spent the entire year doing that. She’d been an artist since she was a kid, but hadn’t done much with it since she left home since her focus had become training and hunting.

She drew what the outside might look like when she finally got to leave the bunker. She drew John, Jacob and Faith. She wrote gorgeous words out that she could remember from the Book of Joseph. She did everything she could to occupy her time. Soon, the whole bunker was covered in art. She even painted on the walls. It made the year go by so quickly she felt as though she blinked and then it was only two months until she got out of the bunker.

The last two months, though, those passed so slowly she thought she might die before Joseph came singing at her door. She heard movement above her, almost sounding like people. She wondered who the hell else was alive. Sometimes, she could hear something trying to get into her bunker. She sat with her gun until the noises of scratching and pulling at the lock went away. 


	19. Chapter 19

Finally, she awoke to three sharp knocks that echoed through the bunker. Followed by Joseph’s voice singing Amazing Grace. 

As she stood, she wept with happiness. It was a bit of a struggle to open the bunker door, considering she hadn’t kept up with her training recently due to the depression and falling back into art. When she finally got it open, she was blinded and let out a hiss as she blinked through the sunlight. She felt hands on her own and she was pulled out of the bunker by the Father himself. She wept fully as she hugged him, knocking him to the ground. She was so thrilled to see another person, to touch another person and feel them touch her back. It was almost too surreal to be true. Joseph laughed as she hugged him tighter. 

“I’m so glad you’re alright, my child.”

“I don’t know if I would’ve made it one more day,” she replied. 

They stood and she dusted herself off, embarrassed with what she had on. An over-sized shirt and shorts, her hair was a mess. She hadn’t showered in a few days, so focused on finishing her painting on the last wall in the bunker before it was time to leave. 

“How did you spend the last year?” Joseph asked. “You didn’t tell me much.”

“I found art supplies,” Avery replied, her voice hoarse from disuse. “Would you like to see?”

“Of course,” he said. 

She led him to the bunker and he looked around at all the art she did in awe. The paintings, the walls...the whole bunker looked like something out of a dream. He took down the pictures of his siblings, of her, all the ones he could physically carry with him, he took. 

“I’m sure you’ll want these,” he said with a smile. 

She packed up what she wanted and left what she didn’t care about and they climbed back out. “Where are we going now?”

“Take a moment,” he said. “Look around you.”

It was then that Avery realized she hadn’t taken a second to glance around at the new world. The world Joseph had promised his people. The world that only he had lived to see. Well, he and herself, she supposed. But she didn’t feel like she counted. 

Her eyes wandered around the wilderness in front of her. So much green, so many flowers. The colors of the world were bright and beautiful and she almost gasped at how it all looked. It was so much to take in, so overwhelming. Faith would’ve loved it here, she knew. She wanted to see the water. She wondered if John would still love it, too. And the woods. She wanted to see if her cabin was still there; the one she’d shared with Jacob all those years ago.

Joseph took her with him, guiding her through the familiar forests and streets of Hope County. They passed one of John’s billboards and she gathered some wildflowers and placed them near it. She missed him. God, did she miss him. She wished he would come back to her.

When he led her to Dutch’s bunker, where they would live for a little while until they figured out where to build New Eden, she saw he was with someone. Someone sat with their back to her as she entered the bunker. Who was it? She had no idea who the hell Joseph had just spent seven years with. It didn’t look like Dutch to her, but she could barely recall that man’s face. 

When the figure turned, she nearly screamed. The figure wore a simple mask, with only eyeholes, no mouth. It was ghostly white, almost like something out of a horror film. She stared at the figure, so confused. Was she dreaming? Was this real? Who the hell was under that mask? Who?

“This is my Judge, Avery,” Joseph said. 

“ _ What _ ?” she asked, feeling so lost as dizziness overtook her. The air outside was different and she could tell it was affecting her. “What’s that even mean?”

“The Judge is part of our family now.”

She blinked up at him in confusion. “Who is that?”

“It does not matter.”

It  _ did  _ matter, though. Joseph knew that it did, and Avery felt dread and horror fill her stomach. Had she escaped the prison of the bunker to find that Joseph had spent the last seven years in the bunker with the man who murdered his entire family? Was that what all of this had come to? That Joseph felt a mass murderer deserved to live with him in the bunker more than Avery did? The only person that was left of his family? Or did she even count as his family anymore? With John dead, was her last name Greene again in Joseph’s mind? Was she no longer a Seed?

The Judge stared at Avery and Avery stared back. For some reason, it was like she could feel some sort of emotion behind the blank mask. Some sort of sorrow, pain...guilt. The Judge looked at her with a tilted head, hands clasped in front of them. She glanced between the mask and Joseph.

“That’s the Deputy, isn’t it?” she asked. 

He didn’t answer. Anger boiled up in her belly and she couldn’t control what came out of her mouth. She had spent seven years alone and Joseph had saved the prick who had ruined every single thing.

“You saved the mother _ fucking  _ Deputy?”

Joseph flinched at the loudness of her voice, at the pain and heartbreak he could see in her eyes. He had so much to tell her. So much to explain. But as soon as he nodded, she lunged at the Judge. She pushed him to the ground and straddled him, throwing punches into his chest over and over and over again as she let out screams and sobs.

“You stole all of them from me!”she yelled. “You took my husband, my sister, the only positive father figure in my life! You took them and you stole their lives and somehow the Father saved  _ you _ ? While I was stuck in a bunker all alone for seven goddamn years?”

The Judge didn’t fight back. He didn't try to push her off him. He  _ oomphed  _ at every blow that she threw at him, but Joseph could tell he was content to receive his punishment for what he did to her. Joseph had watched his guilt overflow for the past seven years. He had watched the Deputy transform from the Deputy to the Judge. It was a brutal, violent transformation and Joseph was certain that every single day, the Judge was confronted with the pain and guilt of what he had done before the Collapse. Joseph gave Avery her moment of grief. She screamed at the Judge over and over and over again, demanding to know why he was the one the Father saved. 

After Avery wore herself out, she fell to the ground next to the Judge. Joseph came over to her, placed an arm on her shoulder which he knew she normally would’ve pushed away...but she hadn’t felt another human touch in seven years. So the contact felt nice, despite the fact that she was furious with him.

The Judge stood, his head bowed. He walked into another room and came back with a wooden box. Joseph had seen what was in it and what he carved out of the wood and he hoped Avery would take it as a kind gesture. The Judge held the box out to her, almost hesitantly, and she stared at him for a moment through teary eyes, a confused frown on her face. But she took it. 

She ran her fingers over the woodwork. Her name was carved on the lid of the box, and there were flowers that decorated one side, a carving of the Whitetails on the other, a carving of the riverbank where John did his baptisms, with the YES sign in the background. She opened it and inside saw things she never thought she would see again.

The key to John’s bunker, still attached to the strings that had kept it around his neck. Jacob’s rabbit foot necklace. A vial of Bliss with Faith’s name carved into the glass. Jacob’s music box. A small plane from John’s Ranch, from the desk in his study to be specific. John’s sunglasses. Jacob’s dog tags. A dried out but perfectly preserved flower crown.

The Judge held one finger up and left the room again. Avery glanced at Joseph and before she could speak, the Judge came back with a suitcase. She frowned but opened it, and a sob escaped her when she saw what was inside of it. John’s pilot coat, and several shirts of his from the Ranch were folded neatly at the top. Under the clothes, there were framed photos of the two of them. She held her hand to her mouth as she cried. She pulled out one of the shirts and held it to her nose. It still, somehow, smelled faintly of him. She nearly fainted as she caught the tiniest whiff of his cologne. She wrapped the shirt around herself and could almost feel his arms around her as she let out a shaky sigh. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

The Judge was far from forgiven. She couldn’t forgive him yet, she couldn’t even think about it. Because while it was wonderful to have all these things, the people she loved were still gone. They were never going to see the new world. They were never going to be near her again. All because of him. 

But she felt so happy to feel John’s shirts in her hands, to see the pilot jacket he loved so much...she glanced at the box again and up at Joseph. 

“Don’t you want any of this?”she asked. 

“I have my own things to remember my brothers by,” Joseph replied. 

Avery took out John’s pilot coat and noticed the blood on it. She stared at it for a moment before looking back up at the Judge. She wanted to say something. She wanted to ask him why the hell he hadn’t had the decency to clean her husband’s blood of the coat. But she rubbed at it with her thumb and saw it was a stain. Of course it was a stain. She shook her head as she stood up and put the coat on her. It was big and too long, but it smelled like him. 

~

They decided to head to Joseph’s compound to check the damage and see if it could be livable again. Avery had her bow at the ready, so unsure about what the new world held in store for them. She remembered watching movies about the aftermath of the apocalypse so many times when she was young. Her parents had been zombie fans and the movies had given her such violent nightmares. But the world was nothing like the movies said it would be. The world was beautiful. Wild. 

Joseph’s compound was anything but livable. It was flooded with water from the river. Avery nearly wept at the sight, and jumped into the water despite Joseph’s warnings about not knowing if it was toxic or not. She swam her way to the church, which was a mess. It was mostly hollowed out, the ground replaced with water. She saw a note and picked it up, ignoring Joseph’s call to her to be careful because they aren’t sure the water is safe. It was from a follower, who came here just as they did looking for others. 

Avery found some burnt wood that wasn’t wet and wrote on the back of the paper that the Father was alive, that they were on Dutch’s island for the time being, but they would establish New Eden and let the followers know. She swam back to Joseph and the Judge and told them what she did and what the note said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's finally out of the bunker!! I did not like keeping her locked up in there, tbh, but I didn't really see a way around it. Things are going to get better for Avery, I promise! But not before there's a little bit more angst, because I'm cruel apparently. Thank you so much if you have read this far!!


	20. Chapter 20

“So, you just...don’t talk now?” Avery asked the Judge as they walked alone. 

Joseph was back in the bunker but they were scouting the area for a place to settle. Most of Holland Valley was still in tact, so the first place on their list to look at was Seed Ranch. Avery walked with her bow and arrow at the ready, unsure of what types of new animals lurked in the area.The Judge just made a noise from behind his mask and Avery rolled her eyes. 

“Joseph told me you were consumed by guilt down in the bunker. That it made you a new person. Someone who understood his ways and wanted to follow him.” 

She glanced over at the Judge, as if expecting some sort of change or that maybe she could get him to talk. But he still stared at her with those black holes of eyes. 

“You’re lucky you had him with you. Imagine having to go through that alone.”

The Judge nodded solemnly as he bent down to pick a radiant magenta flower. He held it up to Avery, and she swore she could see a sad smile behind his mask. She reached for it but he pulled back, moving to tuck it behind her ear. Her hair had grown an absurd amount in the bunker, she’d only cut it once or twice in the seven years she was down there. So it flowed past her waist in curls. She typically wore it in a braid over her shoulder, but today it was in a ponytail. The flower stayed behind her ear with no effort and she smiled at the Judge, who continued walking. 

A twig snapped from behind them and Avery turned with her bow at the ready, not about to let another person die. 

“Whoa there!” A familiar voice said. “No need to take aim, sweetheart. We’re just lookin’ for some food.”

Avery lowered the arrow as she glanced at the large man in front of her. Hurk Jr., if she remembered right. She recalled when he attempted to join the Project with hopes to have sex with some of the followers and, as he had put it ‘party it up’. He looked almost the same, just a little older.

“You two make quite a pair,” another voice said, and Avery saw the man she remembered to be Sharky Boshaw walk up next to his cousin. “What’s with the mask, buddy?”

The Judge looked strangely dumbfounded. Avery shook her head, wondering how the hell she was learning to understand his body language. It had only been a few weeks. 

“Who are y’all?” Hurk asked.

“Avery Seed,” she replied, standing up tall and straight. They each winced at the name. “This is the Judge.”

“The who now?” Sharky asked.

“The Judge,” Avery replied. “We were on our way to my old home.”

Sharky and Hurk gave each other a look before Hurk spoke. “Seed Ranch?”

Avery rolled her eyes. “Yes, obviously.” 

“We just saw it, it’s in pretty good shape I suppose.”

“Where’s Joseph?” Sharky asked almost right after his cousin stopped talking. “Last I heard, he was gettin’ arrested. But if there’s still Peggies like you out here -”

“New Edeners,” Avery corrected, her tone icy.

“Right, sorry. Y’all gotta stop changin’ your names and expectin’ us to know it like magic.”

“Why does it matter where Joseph is?” Avery asked.

“I dunno,” Hurk said. “I’d like to sit down and shake the man’s hand. He predicted this shit right, didn’t he?”

Avery glanced at the Judge, who was staring at the ground with his hands clasped in front of him. 

“Your friend there, he don’t talk much, huh?” Sharky asked.

“No,” Avery replied.

“Why?”

“I don’t...I don’t know. You’d have to ask Joseph.”

The cousins glanced at each other and shrugged. “I’d suggest stayin’ on Joseph’s island,” Sharky said. “‘Cause most people out here still think Joseph and your husband were total assholes, so they might not take to you very well.”

Avery glared at Sharky, ready to strike him with her hand, but the Judge grabbed her arm. She glared at him and he shook his head. 

“Who is that, anyway? Why’re they hidin’ their face?” Sharky asked.

She glanced back at the Judge, silently asking permission. He nodded. “That’s your precious Deputy.”

The cousins stared at her dumbfounded for a moment before they turned their stares to the Judge. 

“Dep?” Sharky asked. “Y-you’re alive?”

The Judge’s hands shook as he lifted them to remove his mask. Avery hadn’t even seen his face yet. But she gasped when it was revealed to her. It was littered with scars, but the most prominent one was the one that spelled “Wrath” in large letters across his forehead. Sharky and Hurk stared at the face of their old friend, and Sharky’s voice broke as he spoke.

“W-what’s goin’ on?” he asked. “Why’re you hangin’ with a Peggie? Who did all that shit to you?”

Judge sighed, but did not move his lips to talk. He glanced at Avery and she didn’t know what to do. Fury and rage boiled inside her as she took in his face, his eyes, but she saw that he wasn’t the same man who had killed her husband and her family. He was broken. He was destroyed. The same way Jacob was whenever he woke up from nightmares. He had the same look all weapons had when they were expected to turn back to humans, but were unable to cope with the pain and the guilt. 

“Why you not talkin’?” Hurk asked.

He glanced at Avery one more time before he choked some syllables out. “Damaged vocal chords.”

“Who did it?” Sharky asked. “Who the fuck wrote that shit on your forehead and strangled you?”

Judge sighed and pointed at himself. A tense silence followed.

“How’d you strangle yourself?” Hurk asked, as if knowing the question was a stupid one and not appropriate for the moment, but he genuinely seemed confused. “I don’t get it.”

Judge imitated tying a rope around his neck and hanging himself. Avery’s eyes widened and she wondered why Joseph hadn’t mentioned this to her. Sharky and Hurk looked pained as they stared at their friend. 

“Didn’t work?”

“T-t-he...Father,” Judge choked out. “S-saved me.”

“The Father, huh?” Hurk asked. “You one of ‘em now, then?”

Judge just nodded. Sharky shook his head in disbelief and so did Hurk. Avery felt oddly like she was intruding, so she moved back from the conversation. 

“I’ll...be just ahead.”

Judge nodded at her. 

She left them to talk to their friend. As she glanced across the road, she saw Rye and Daughter Aviation and she decided to walk over there. She might as well try to scavenge the house and see if they left anything. They weren’t sure which animals they could eat yet and it made Avery nervous. She wasn’t sure their stomachs would adjust well to meat after living off canned goods for the past seven years. 

She was startled to find a little girl playing outside. The little girl looked up at her and smiled.

“Hi,” she greeted. “I’m Carmina.”

“H-hi,” Avery replied. “I’m Avery. Do you live here?”

Carmina nodded. “Before, we lived in the ground.”

“I did, too,” Avery replied, sitting down on the ground. “Were you born underground?”

“No,” Carmina said, playing with her hand-made dolls. “But the apocalypse happened a couple days after I was born.”

Avery nodded. “Your dolls are nice,”she said. “Did you make them yourself?”

“Yes,” Carmina replied. “You wanna play with ‘em?”

“Sure,” Avery replied.

She took the one Carmina offered her and they played around for a moment before they heard a voice calling Carmina’s name. 

“What did I tell you about strangers?” Kim Rye asked, looking Avery over with skeptical eyes. “No offense, but we don’t know you. And this world is...very different.”

“I won’t harm anyone,” Avery replied. “My name’s Avery.”

Kim looked her over again before she grabbed her daughter and pulled the little girl closer to herself. “The Baptist’s Wife?”

Avery let out a sigh. “Yeah.”

Kim laughed. “Right, and you’re here telling me you won’t harm my daughter and myself?”

“Of course not,” Avery replied. “I just came over here to see if the house was empty.”

“Well it’s not, and I’d suggest you be on your merry way because I know what Peggies do to houses that they want.”

“I don’t want it...I was just scouting. We’re all trying to figure out this new world, aren’t we?” 

Kim’s eyes widened as Judge walked up behind Avery. Carmina, who Avery figured would start crying at the sight of the mask, just cocked her head to the side and watched the man. Judge put his hand on Avery’s shoulder in an almost protective manner. 

“Who are you?” Kim asked.

“That’s...the Judge,” Avery replied. “He won’t hurt you.”

“Right,” Kim replied, sarcastically. “That mask adds a terrifying touch.”

Avery glanced behind Judge to see Hurk and Sharky following him. Kim looked at them in confusion as they came running up, both severely out of breath.

“That’s Dep!” Hurk said, pointing at the Judge. “Joseph saved his life after the apocalypse and now he’s one of ‘em.”

Kim simply stared at the Judge with wide, teary eyes. “Deputy?” 

Judge nodded. She let out a sigh as she pulled the Deputy into a hug. Carmina let out a noise as she was crushed between the adults. The Judge pointed at Carmina and cocked his head, and Kim nodded. He reached an arm out as if to ask if he could hold her, but instantly pulled it back, unsure. 

“You wanna hold her?”

Judge shrugged. 

“Who is that, mommy?” Carmina asked.

“Your godfather, sweetheart,” Kim replied. 

She transferred Carmina to Judge’s arms, who stumbled a little under the weight. Carmina observed him for a moment before holding out the other doll she had in her small hands. “You want one?”

Judge looked to Kim as if asking for permission. “She has plenty.”

He took the doll and booped her nose, which made her giggle. 

Avery, again, felt like she was intruding. It wasn’t like they really noticed her, though. So she put her hand on Judge’s arm and told him she’d see him back at the bunker. He nodded and as she was leaving, he took her hand and squeezed it. As she walked off, she heard Kim ask why the hell he was hanging out with the Baptist’s Bride. She smirked to herself, almost proud that they still feared her.

She made her way back to the bunker slowly, observing the new world around her. She got to the island by crossing the bridge, unable to swim in the water. They’d found that out the hard way when Joseph nearly got his leg torn off by an over-sized, mutated fish. Joseph was working on constructing a boat to take them across the water. That way they’d find a better area to set up New Eden rather than wandering around on foot all day.

“Where’s Judge?” Joseph asked when Avery returned.

“We found some of his friends,” she replied softly, setting down her bow and arrow near the door. “I didn’t want to intrude.”

“They knew it was him?”

“He told Hurk and Sharky, then they told Kim Rye and her daughter.”

Joseph let out a hum and she joined him at the table. “He was set on not revealing himself.”

“Changed his mind, I guess,” Avery said. “He even took his mask off. And tried to talk.”

Joseph looked at her with wide eyes. “I...did not expect that from him.”

“He tried to hang himself?” She asked. 

Joseph sighed. “Yes,” he said, pushing away his diary and looking at her. “He found some photos I’d taken on your wedding day and he...felt extremely guilty for taking John away from you. I think he’s always liked you. But he just couldn’t cope with it, and I woke in the middle of the night to find him trying to hang himself. I would not let him, of course. So I cut him down. But the damage to his vocal chords remained.”

Avery sighed. “That’s...horrible.”

“He was consumed by that guilt every single day down here,” Joseph continued. “Every day was a new battle. He dreamt of them. He imagined them in the bunker with us. But they were not kind to him. They were angry. What hurt him more, I think, was my compassion. The fact that I was right and he’d murdered my family for no reason but that I forgave him and was kind to him. He could not allow himself happiness.”

Avery listened to every word as if in a trance. She was so thankful, in that moment, to have Joseph near her again. As he told her about the Deputy’s struggle with the pain and guilt, she hung on every word. She felt her heart start to constrict as if forgiveness was blooming inside it. She could forgive him. She thought to the Bible, to Jesus crying out ‘forgive them, father, they know not what they do.’

“Do you think he’ll leave us now that he’s found his friends?” Avery asked.

“No, I do not.” 

~

Judge returned for dinner. He had a few sacks of food that the Ryes had given him. Avery thanked him as he set them down on the table. They said grace and he watched as Avery and Joseph started to eat. Avery glanced at him and then at Joseph.

“He doesn’t eat?”

“He prefers to do it alone.” 

Avery turned to Judge. “You’re safe with me, Judge,” she said, placing a hand on his arm. “If you’d like to eat now, please do.”

He nodded and pulled his mask off. Avery smiled and offered him some bread. They ate until they were full and then Avery went to her room to go to bed. She was exhausted. She couldn’t believe everything that had happened only within the last couple days. She brushed her teeth, braided her hair, and shrugged out of her clothes into one of John’s expensive silk shirts. She knew if he could see how she was wearing them now, he’d likely be both horrified and turned on a little bit. The thought made her chuckle.

She got under the covers and closed her eyes. But she heard her door creak open and was up in an instant, turning the light on in fear. Judge stood there, mask returned to his face, his hands up. He made a little awkward movement, as if indicating he wasn’t aware that she had gone to sleep already. 

He turned to leave but she stopped him. “Did you want to...talk?”

He nodded. She moved a little on the bed and gestured for him to come sit down. He did, his gaze strictly in front of him. She glanced around the room and found a pad of notebook paper and a pen, which she grabbed. She handed it to him and he nodded in thanks.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked.

He wrote out words and held it up for her to look at.  _ Do you forgive me? _

It was a tough question. She didn’t, not yet. There was still so much anger and pain inside of her that she could not yet part with, but she could sense the battle he felt within himself, too. It was clear that he was trying to make up for what he’d done, an impossible task, which he understood as such. He watched her face and she looked down at her hands.

“I’m trying to,” she said. 

He nodded. He wrote more things down, taking a little longer this time, before he held it up for her to read again.

_ I can never forgive myself for taking away so many important people. To you and to the Father. I can never forgive myself for taking away his family, the one he worked so hard to bring back together. I hate myself every day.  _

She put her hand to her heart as she read the words. “I…” she paused, considering her words carefully. “For a while, I just wanted to kill you. I wanted to hunt you, kill you, torture you for what you put me through. But now...I don’t know. I understand you were doing what you thought was right, the same way Joseph was. We took important people from you, too. Knowing John, Faith and Jacob...they all admired you. Your strength, your bravery. I think...I think they understand the important role you’re meant to play. I think they would forgive you.”

The Judge sighed, a strange noise from damaged vocal cords and behind a mask. He began writing again. 

_ Thank you. I hope that I can be of service to you, to the Father. I speak only violence now, and while this new world doesn’t seem to have much of it...I have the feeling something will come and I will be needed. _

“You’re already needed,” Avery said. “Joseph needs you. I can tell. You two have a bond that no one else can understand. And, trust me, you don’t only speak violence. I see that now.”

Judge opened his arms, cocking his head as if asking for her permission. She embraced him tightly and she swore she heard a sigh of relief from him. Her heart was still so heavy and so broken, but she knew that forgiving him for what he’d done would help her heal. If God could forgive all his children’s sins, she could find it in her heart to forgive the Judge.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the awkwardly short chapter, but there's some smut in there for you to enjoy! :)

_ She was in a field. She was always in a field it seemed. She sighed as she wandered around the flowers and the flowing river and everything was normal. It was the way it used to be. It was how she remembered it every day sitting in the bunker for seven years. Her home. Hope County. _

_ A hand on the small of her back made her whip around in fright. But when she saw the blue eyes she knew so well blinking back at her, she nearly wept as she threw herself into familiar arms.  _

_ “John?” she asked.  _

_ He squeezed her tighter. So tight she wondered how she was still breathing. But she didn’t care. She didn’t mind. As long as she was in his arms. _

_ “I’ve missed you,” he said, a smile on his lips.  _

_ She pushed up on her tip toes and kissed him as deeply as she could, attempting to convey how much she’d missed him too. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She nearly moaned into the kiss, finally feeling his lips against hers after so long. His hand weaved its way through her hair and tugged lightly as he carried her to their bed. In their home. At Seed Ranch. _

_ She’d sell her soul to stay here. _

_ He kissed her all over, taking care to gently pull her clothes off one by one. He pushed inside her and she nearly broke into tears, it felt so perfect and wonderful and amazing. As he thrust gently against her, she stared into his eyes.  _

_ “You’re so beautiful,” he muttered, pressing his lips against her neck. _

_ “I love you so much, John,” she sobbed. _

_ Her climax quickly approaching...so close...so close, so close, so - _

~

She awoke with a small cry in the back of her throat, and for a moment, wasn’t sure where she was. She tried caught her breath as she glanced around the room. She was alone (and, if she were honest with herself, a wet, desperate mess). She growled in frustration as she clenched her thighs together, while her fingers danced down John’s shirt, and she looked around her as if worried someone would walk in and see her shame. She wasn’t one to do this, especially while thinking of her lost husband...but that dream…

She thought back to the time she walked in on John masturbating to her. They had just started dating and she had arrived at the Ranch earlier than he’d anticipated. She heard the shower water going and walked up the stairs, calling out his name. But he hadn’t heard her. 

When she opened the door, he was working himself furiously, grunting her name under his breath. She had felt her stomach clench as the butterflies she felt around him quickly traveled lower. 

“Fuck yes, Avery, fuck,” he had groaned, sounding desperate. “You take me in your mouth so good, baby.”

Avery had thought about reaching into her pants and mimicking his motions. She couldn’t fully see him, but it didn’t matter. Just hearing the filth coming out of his mouth was enough. She knew she should say something, get his attention. But she kept watching, her panties growing wetter by the moment.

“Such a good girl, such a good little slut for me. Oh, fuck, Avery. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ .”

Avery came with a shout, much louder than she intended, and quickly covered her mouth.  _ Shit _ . She glanced around the room and held her whole body still, praying that Joseph or the Judge hadn’t heard anything. When nothing around the bunker made a sound, she relaxed back into her pillow and lay there for a moment, mulling over the dream and wishing desperately to have John near her. 

When she finally decided to get up, she glanced at her watch. It was early...5:30 am, but she felt so wide awake that she would not have been able to fall back asleep even if she’d wanted to. So, she got ready for the day and slipped John’s jacket over her shirt and jeans, desperate to feel him close to her after that dream.

She walked out to the main area to find the Judge, preparing breakfast without his mask on. She didn’t announce her presence right away, just watched him move about the small kitchen almost effortlessly. He was making pancakes from a mix that likely expired a few years ago. After a few moments, he turned to look at her and she stared at him, startled that he noticed her presence.

He waved at her to come into the kitchen and out of the shadows and she followed. 

“Sleep?” he asked, trying to say more than that but his throat struggling to push the words out towards his mouth. 

“Well, thanks,” she replied.

“Shouted earlier,” he said. 

“I…” she glanced down, embarrassed. “It was a nightmare.”

“His name.”

Her blush deepened and she glared at him. He wore a knowing smile on his face and she wanted to smack it right off. It wasn’t funny. It was a sin and she knew she’d likely have to atone for it. What was worse was that she just wanted to be with John. If he were here, he’d probably laugh. 

“So?” she asked.

He shrugged in response and went back to making the pancakes. She buried her head in her hands out of sheer embarrassment and proceeded to stay like that until he placed a plate of pancakes in front of her, syrup and butter included.

“Where’d you get this?”

“Kim,” he choked back.

Avery wasn’t about to question it. If the Ryes were eating it, it was likely safe. She wasn’t sure how the hell they got all this stuff but she didn’t care. It smelled delicious. It tasted delicious, too. They ate in silence and Avery found herself studying the Judge’s face. The scar on his forehead was deep and brutal. She wondered if he’d atoned for his other sins during the time he spent in the bunker with Joseph, or why he’d chosen to wear the mask. It was likely to hide what he’d done to his face, but it seemed like something more than that, to her at least.

He glanced up at her and she darted her eyes away, but it was too late. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t very well tell him she was staring at his scars and wondering why he wore what he did on a daily basis.

“The mask…” Avery asked. “Why do you wear it?”

“Reborn,” Judge choked out. 

Avery understood. So they ate in silence until Joseph joined them and discussed plans for exploring the new Hope County.


	22. Chapter 22

A year went by quickly, and thankfully, not within a bunker. In their explorations, they found leftover Bliss which they stocked up on. They found, too, that far up north, if they took the Bliss, they could travel through the ruined areas from the radiation. Joseph tried it, on his own, while Avery and the Judge waited in the bunker for him to come back. They waited for days. But Joseph had assured them he would return, that the Voice spoke to him and told him he needed to go and come back. 

When he finally did come back, he was changed. He was strong; stronger than any other person Avery had ever seen, but the strength was hidden because he still looked exactly the same. He told them about the Tree that bore fruit that gave him the Gift of Eden. Avery and the Judge had no idea what he was talking about. But he insisted they go and experience it for themselves.

The experience was intense. First, they had to take some Bliss. The entire journey, on their small boat, they had to keep refreshing it or they wouldn’t be able to breathe. Avery was terrified the whole time. She fought with her sin, physically fought with everything she inside her that wasn’t pure and she defeated it. She watched the Judge do the same. And when they left, they were strong like Joseph was. She had no idea what to think. Joseph stayed up there to build a small sanctuary that he could spend time alone in, speaking to the Voice.

They settled on building New Eden up North, near the edge of the Whitetails. Joseph wanted to be close to the Tree and it was on the river so they could thrive off of that. So, they began to build. It started off very small, but Avery left a note near Joseph’s old compound and slowly, people started coming. Old followers who had found shelter in the many prepper stashes across Hope County came - old friends, that Avery hadn’t seen for so long she had almost forgotten about them completely.

There were lots of new followers, too. Followers who joined because when they realized the Father was right and had only tried to protect the entire County from the Collapse, they wanted in. Joseph welcomed them with open arms, and they worked to build their Eden in this new world. 

Then, out of nowhere, a random woman arrived with her child. She was emotional, overwhelmed, and insisted she needed to see the Father. The Judge and Avery waited outside the home he occupied that they’d built together. The Judge shared the home with him as well, but Avery had her own little house next door. Avery had seen the woman before, a long time ago. She left about three years into Avery’s time with the Project. There’d been whispers about the Father being with someone romantically, and that she left because she was disgraced. But Avery never listened to the rumors and never asked. 

But, the rumors were apparently true. This woman, Megan, had been Joseph’s lover and her child was the Father’s child. When she left the tent, she stared at Avery in a harsh, cold way. Avery hoped the woman didn’t see her as competition, considering she had no intentions of any sort of romance with Joseph.

Joseph summoned Judge and Avery into the tent after the woman’s departure and as they walked in, they found him sitting on the ground with his legs crossed, head in his hands. They took seats on either side of him, facing him. They waited in silence while he sat there, probably gathering his thoughts. 

“As you both know,” he said, looking up at them. “None of us are free from sin.” He sighed, deeply. “It was a stressful job, running the Project. And Megan acted as a source of comfort for a time. I’d even say we loved each other. She was a loyal follower, she’d joined the Project back in Georgia and followed us here. I feel into lust over and over again with her, and she left the Project pregnant and ashamed, despite my pleas for her to stay and us to work through it and raise the boy together. She bore my son and has returned to us so that I may assist in raising him and showing him the way.” 

Avery glanced over at Judge for a moment, who, of course, said nothing. But he met her gaze. They both felt slightly betrayed. She could tell he was feeling it because of how he sat with his shoulders slumped over. 

“I’m ashamed of this,” Joseph said after a moment. “But I love this child. I had begged her not to leave, but she did not want a marriage with me.”

“So, she’s back for good?” Avery asked.

“It appears so,” Joseph replied.

“Do you still love her?” 

Joseph sighed. “I do not know, my child. But I will help her raise the child. His name is Ethan. Avery, please watch over him as well. Ensure that they both have everything they need.”

“Where will we house them?” 

“Here.”

Avery nodded and stood. “Anything else, Father?”

He took a breath, avoiding her gaze. “No, thank you, Avery.”

Avery nodded and the two of them left. The Judge seemed to sense that Joseph wanted to be completely alone. Normally, he went everywhere with the Father. Avery looked at him as they strolled through their little settlement. 

“Do you miss your friends?” she asked after a moment. The Judge nodded in response. “I have the feeling Joseph will be very much in prayer today. Why don’t you go see them? If he asks, I’ll tell him.”

The Judge nodded and took a bow and some arrows with him before he left. Avery sighed, knowing she’d have to go check up on this mystery woman and her child. She didn’t like the cold look Megan had given her earlier, and she had the feeling those looks weren’t going to change any time soon. Likely, due to their closeness and Avery’s last name, she probably assumed they were married. Avery was absolutely going to set the record straight on that one. 

She walked over to the other area of Joseph’s house, where she knew they would be waiting for him. She lifted the animal hide flap and spotted her sitting on the chair in Joseph’s room, watching her son play around on the floor. The boy looked about ten years old. 

“Hello,” Avery said, putting a smile on her face best she could. “I don’t think we were properly introduced. My name is Avery Seed.”

“I know who you are,” Megan replied, her eyes narrowed. “I’m sure our presence causes some discomfort within you.”

“No,” Avery replied. “Not at all. I was married to John before the Collapse. I’m not in any way involved with Joseph. He’s just my brother-in-law.”

Megan laughed. “Well, the two of you seem awfully close.”

Avery willed herself to be patient. The Father had worked with her on her patience and her kindness over the past year, mostly because she was spending so much time with him and the Judge, which was hard for her on some days. It wasn’t easy to spend time with the person who once violently took everything she once loved away from her. But she was very close to fully forgiving him. She cared about him, even may love him. It was her forgiveness that lacked. 

“His family was like mine.”

“Just through marriage,” Megan replied. 

“Jacob was like a father to me,” Avery said, her voice catching as she spoke his name. It was rare for her to talk about Jacob and Faith. It was even rare for her to mention John, unless she had to. “Faith was like a sister. Joseph was like a brother. They took care of me when no one else would, they helped me. They were the only real family I’ve ever known.”

Ethan found something on the ground and picked it up, looking at it and then at Avery before he chucked it at her. It smacked against her ankle and she hissed, glancing down to pick it up. It was part of a block of wood, likely there in case anything needed repair. She glared at the boy and he wore a proud smile on his face. She already hated both of them.  _ No _ , she reminded herself.  _ I don’t hate anyone. I love all God’s children. _

“Well, they’re all gone now, aren’t they?” Megan asked. “Not surprised. I remember them. They were violent. Looks like they got what was coming to them in the end.”

Avery’s hands clenched into a fist at her side and she felt her nails start to bite into the skin. 

“Well,” she said, her voice strained. “If you need anything, please let me know. My house is just next door.”

“I bet it is,” Megan grumbled as Avery turned to leave. 

Avery let out a sigh but did not turn back, dropping the block on the ground before leaving the shelter. There was a small crowd gathered at the gates and Avery wandered over. A man was talking, asking to see the Father. Avery sighed, wondering what the problem could be.

As she pushed towards the front of the crowd, her eyes settled on the man with a start in her belly. 

“Sebastian?” she asked.

“Oh Lord, Avery!” He ran towards her and pulled her into his arms, swinging her around. She let out a laugh and as he set her down, she cupped his face.

“I didn’t know you survived.”

“I managed to find the Wolf’s Den in time after the bombs hit,” Sebastian said. “They held me for a while after it was safe to come out. They weren’t keen on me joining the “cult” again.” He rolled his eyes at the word cult.

“Who?”

“Wheaty and Tammy.”

Avery nearly growled at their names. The memories of the torture she suffered at their hand made her furious. She willed herself to calm, to seek forgiveness within her. She took Sebastian’s arm and led him around New Eden. The Father likely did not want to be disturbed. 

“Wow,” he said as they stopped in front of her little house, where she had a fire pit ready to spark to life if they wanted to make some soup. “So this is the new world, huh?”

“Is today your first time outside?” She asked.

“No, of course not,” he replied. “But it’s my first time in the garden the Father promised us all.” He smiled as Avery skinned a squirrel. “Jacob would’ve been proud of you.”

Avery snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure he’d love this whole ‘no guns’ thing.”

Sebastian joined her in laughter. “I believe he would not follow it.”

“I don’t even think he’d live in New Eden,” Avery said. “I bet he’d go somewhere out in Holland Valley and camp out. Build himself a log cabin. Away from all this one with nature stuff.”

Sebastian pulled out a flask. “You want some?”

“What is that?” Avery asked.

“Whiskey. They had a stash up in the Wolf Den.”

Avery glanced around, knowing the eyes of the Faithful were everywhere. Joseph wouldn’t be too upset if word got back to him, but it was still risky. She hadn’t had a drink in eight years. She took it from him and took a swig quickly, coughing as it burned its way down her throat. 

“Joseph’s not gonna let you keep that,” she said as the coughing died down. 

“Then we’ll drink it before he can take it.”

Avery cooked and made a squirrel stew, which he ate gratefully. As they ate, they talked about the old days; training, living at the Veterans Center. Everything was gone now, Sebastian told her. The entire Whitetails was just pure radiation. They’d moved quickly once the Wolf’s Den opened up, and had kept him in a house that was near Holland Valley. 

“I never got the chance to tell you how sorry I was about John,” he said. “I didn’t know him very well but I knew you really loved him. It was a shame he had to die.”

Avery felt her eyes get teary but blinked them back. “Thanks,” she muttered. 

“Do you think that Deputy survived?” 

Avery paused, remembering her ‘talk’ with the Judge. As New Eden grew, he’d asked her in writing that she not reveal who he was. He didn’t have an issue with his friends on the outside knowing him, but in New Eden, he wanted to be someone else. He wanted to be the new person he was reborn as, with no shreds of the past to cloud his new life. Avery had understood, of course. So, as she looked at her friend, she shrugged.

“Who knows,” she said. 

They ate and laughed and joked for the rest of the day. The Father came out at dusk for an evening sermon. By then, Judge had returned to his place next to Joseph, and Avery listened with a calm heart.

~

After about six months, Joseph built the Chosen back up. Except this time, it was different. No guns, no military-like training. The Judge taught them stealth while Avery taught them how to hunt and fight with bows and arrows and knives and other weapons they could make themselves. They both were the leaders of the troops, not that any troops were needed during the peaceful prosperity that was happening all around them.

The other survivors didn’t give them too much trouble. They stayed away and so did Joseph’s flock. The only interaction that was had between the two groups was the Judge occasionally seeking out his friends. They would run into them on hunting trips often, and Avery usually bowed out of the conversation. She was the outsider there. Not Judge.

Except when they ran into her sister. They found her with Grace Armstrong while they were wandering through the woods. Theresa had stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Avery for a long time before Avery noticed. When she did, when she saw Theresa’s bright green eyes, she nearly fainted.

“Oh my God, Avery,” Theresa called as she ran towards her. She wrapped her arms around her little sister and held her tight. “I was so worried about you. I thought you died.”

Avery returned the hug. She didn’t realize how different it all felt. It felt right. She had worried about Theresa, too. She’d tried to use her radio in her bunker to call on all the channels and ask about her. But of course, when she said her name was “Seed”, whoever was on the end of the frequencies didn’t answer. Even though she’d spent time on the frequencies and knew people were using them. 

Grace Armstrong stared at the Judge, who was looking down and away from her. Avery pulled back and studied her older sister. She looked almost the same, just with some additional age lines. Her hair was longer than Avery had ever seen it; brown curls draping over her shoulders and down near her waist.

“I meant to tell you...I’m so sorry about...everything,” Theresa said. “I know you loved them. All of them. Especially John. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Avery’s eyes welled up and she cursed herself. But she was thankful that her sister acknowledged it. 

“Thank you,” Avery replied. “It’s been hard, without him.”

“I can only imagine.”

Avery nodded. “I miss him every day.”

Theresa stroked her face. “I’m sorry.”

Avery shrugged, and Theresa pulled her into another hug. As they pulled apart, Theresa glanced at the Judge for the first time. Grace muttered a hello to Avery and introduced herself, but other than that, was distant. Avery couldn’t blame her. But she wondered why Judge hadn’t revealed himself yet.

“There were some rumors that you’re the Deputy,” Theresa said. “Not sure if I believe ‘em, but…” she shrugged. Judge glanced at Avery, who smiled in return. He removed the mask and Theresa gasped. “It is you!”

“Holy shit, Dep,” Grace said. “What’d they do to you?” 

She reached out her hands and felt his face, ran her fingers over the scars on his forehead. Avery watched with curiosity. Grace’s sight was going, she could tell. She wasn’t sure if it was the radiation or just age. Judge held her hand against his cheek and smiled at her. 

They talked for a little while longer. Avery stayed quiet mostly, not wanting to intrude. Theresa glanced at her as they were getting ready to leave. “We’re out by the Lamb of God church, if you want to come find us again.”

“Okay,” Avery replied. She pulled her older sister into a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly really dislike Ethan, and kind of wanted to change the canon here and write him out completely. But I figured it might be more fun to make him a super bratty ten year old to annoy the snot outta Avery haha! Thank you so very much if you've read thus far!!


	23. Chapter 23

Megan was yelling. Again. Avery let out a sigh as she stared at the wood that divided herself and Ethan from the Father and Megan. As if they couldn’t hear what was going on, anyway. Ethan glanced at Avery with a glare in his eye. Even after two and a half years, they hadn’t found a way to get along.

“This is your fault,” he said. 

“Oh, really?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” he replied, crossing his arms. “Mother doesn’t like you.”

Avery gritted her teeth as she tried to calm down. “So that just automatically means this fight is my fault?”

“Yeah,” he said. 

“Sure,” she replied, her tone sarcastic. “That makes sense.”

“Why are you so weird?”

“What’s that mean?”

“You don’t have any kids, or a husband.”

Avery took a deep breath. Ethan was a brat. She’d learned that very early on after he and his mother arrived. He demanded attention from everyone and would get pissy when he didn’t get it. He threw tantrums all the time. He teased people, too. He was a relentless little devil. And Avery was tired of treating him nicely just because Joseph told her to.

“I was married before,” Avery replied. “He died, so I’m not going to remarry.”

“Uncle John,” Ethan said. “Mom says he was a violent sociopath.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“He carved words into people,” Ethan shot back. “That’s wrong!”

“Not when they’re confessing their sins, willingly.”

Ethan got up and got in her face. “You’re ugly.”

“Same goes for you, kid.”

“Hey!” he shouted. “You can’t say that to me!”

“Well I just did so…”

“MOM!”

Avery let out a growl as the fighting on the other side of the wall ceased. He continued to cry her name until she and Joseph walked in, looking exhausted. Megan glared at Avery.

“What’d you do?”

“Ask him,” Avery replied. 

“She called me ugly.”

“You said that to a child?” Megan hissed, staring daggers at Avery. “It’s a wonder why the Father even keeps you around.”

“He’s forgetting to mention how he called me ugly, weird and said John was a sociopath.”

“He was, wasn’t he?”

“That’s my husband,” Avery shot back. “Ethan is twelve years old and should know better than to talk about people’s loved ones that way.”

Joseph put his hand on Avery’s shoulder and she looked up. “Leave us,” he said, his tone harsh. 

Avery was more than happy to get the hell out of there. In fact, she wanted to get out of Eden entirely. She hated Megan, hated Ethan. They weren’t welcome there, they didn’t like the ways that the New Edeners lived...it made no sense why they were there other than it made Megan feel important. She had given birth to the Father’s heir. Therefore, she had authority and it made Avery sick.

She pulled open the gates and left. She could sense Judge moving behind her but she didn’t stop. Judge caught up with her eventually and she found a tree stump and threw herself down on it. They sat in silence for a while, just listening to the evening sounds that were so different. Avery looked up at the sky, at the gorgeous lights that always illuminated it now. The world had grown so much prettier since it’s end. 

“I know,” she said after a while. “I know I shouldn’t have teased Ethan. But that kid gets on my last nerve every time I’m around him.”

The Judge nodded and Avery laughed. She knew within Eden’s walls, he would never admit to such a thing. Mostly because then the Faithful would notice his opinion and Joseph would hear about it later, probably from Megan herself. She glanced over at the Judge again, looking him over.

“Are they...together?” He cocked his head, playing dumb. “You know what I mean.”

Judge nodded and Avery felt her stomach churn uncomfortably. What if the Father married her? What if they had lots of annoying little brats who took over Eden with their whining and complaining and desperation for attention?

“Have they had sex again?” 

The Judge shook his head furiously.

Avery quieted down after that. She knew she should have patience with Ethan. Joseph wanted him to train to be part of the Chosen one day. But the kid had no discipline. He whined whenever he had to do anything, including the daily tasks that New Edeners were required to do every day to keep things going. She wondered how John and Jacob and Faith would’ve reacted to him, if they were there with her. 

She imagined John would relate. John was always a bit over dramatic and did have the tendency to whine when he didn’t get what he wanted. But Ethan was soft. He cringed at the sight of blood, including the times that people killed or skinned animals in front of him. He loved wearing the furs but he never killed or skinned the animal himself. She could see John trying to help him be a better follower. 

Jacob, she knew, wouldn’t be able to stand the little shit. Ethan, she could tell, was weak and would always be weak. And Jacob culled the weak. He would see Ethan as a threat, and Megan as well.

Megan was a whole different story. She was full of envy and refused to acknowledge it. Joseph tried to work with her on it but she just got frustrated and angry. Every time Avery and Joseph were alone together, somehow Megan would find out and burst into the room, announcing that Avery needed to leave so she could talk to the Father alone. No matter how many times Avery explained it to her, Megan didn’t seem to understand that there was nothing romantic going on with her and Joseph. 

It was frustrating. This new world was supposed to be peaceful and calm but their presence made it the opposite of that. There was always a problem, and they were both always stirring up trouble. Megan stirred up envy in others, spreading lies about people and their partners. Ethan was a manipulator. He’d turn kids against each other in a moment. 

“Is it fucked up that I hate them both so much?” Avery asked.

The Judge shook his head in response. 

She sighed, glancing back up at the sky. “Maybe I’m just envious that Megan got to have a child. Which...isn’t fair. But he can be such a brat. So can she.”

The Judge let out a sigh. He clearly felt the same way. At least about Megan. She didn’t think he was the type of person who would feel anything negative towards a child. She had to admit, she never thought she was the type either until he came in to Eden.

~

A couple months later, Megan left. Avery helped with Ethan the best that she could and he seemed to soften up to her a little bit. She still disliked him, the way he acted, how entitled he thought he was. But she knew Joseph needed her help and that’s what family is for, so she didn’t complain. 

A lot of the time, she imagined what it would’ve been like if she and John had children. She could imagine them laughing and running around New Eden, playing games with each other. Four kids was her ideal but she wouldn’t mind more. She pictured Jacob training them to hunt, Joseph teaching them about his Word. Every time she thought about it, it made watching and helping with Ethan a little easier.

Joseph showed him his sanctuary. He showed Ethan the tree. Avery didn’t agree with it but he wanted to show it to his son so he could know what awaited him if he was true to God. Of course, Ethan had demanded that he get to eat the fruit right away. Joseph knew he still struggled with his sins and was reluctant to let them go. Even though Joseph had told him no, Ethan still felt extremely entitled.

But the years passed in serenity. Avery thrived in her role within New Eden. She missed John more than anything. She knew he would’ve liked it here, after a brief adjustment period. She and Joseph commemorated him every year by going to the remains of John’s Gate and thinking of him. Joseph would tell her stories about when they were young, about the day they reunited. Avery wouldn’t talk much, just listen, and Joseph understood that. It was still hard for her to talk about John.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, if you have read this far, I thank you!! After this chapter, I'm unsure where I want things to go. So I'm probably going to take a little more time to post the newer chapters after this. I have an idea, but I'm not sure I like it. Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed it so far!

“Hello?” The young woman’s voice called. “I saw you come in here! I’m not trying to hurt you. I just want to talk.”

Avery held her breath, praying the girl didn’t turn the corner and find her. Judge wasn’t with her and she knew that Carmina Rye’s parents hated her guts (as well as John’s), so she figured the girl did, too. She had encountered them plenty of times, but during each of those times, Judge was there, and Avery had a sneaking feeling that he was the only reason they didn’t kill her on sight.

“I swear, I won’t hurt you. Just...curious, is all.”

Her voice was getting closer. Avery let out a sigh and moved into her line of vision, taking in the young girl who had clearly grown up in the past few years. The last time Avery had seen her was a while ago, but she looked like she was already almost a teenager. 

“Hi,” Carmina greeted, waving her hand. “Is Judge with you?”

“No,” Avery replied. 

“Oh,” Carmina’s face betrayed a hint of disappointment. But she smiled up at Avery, who wasn’t sure what to think of the situation. “My parents told me about you.”

“I’m sure they weren’t nice things,” Avery replied. 

“No, I guess not,” Carmina said. “They really didn’t like your husband.”

“Not surprised.”

“Why were you trying to kill them? And my godfather?”

Avery took a breath. They were at a point where this could go either way; it could be a trap, set by a clever 13-year-old girl, to harass and belittle her. Or, it could be a genuine question that Carmina wanted genuine answers to. Avery could imagine that it was hard for a young girl to hear about all the times before she was born - things in a completely different world that she probably struggled to imagine. 

“Look,” Avery said. “It’s...extremely complicated.”

“I know,” Carmina replied. “I just want to understand. My parents tell a one sided story. The only reason I know that is because the Deputy...or, Judge, now...switched sides. Based on the stories about the Deputy, he has a strong moral code. So switching sides was probably a big deal, right?”

_ A strong moral code my ass _ , Avery thought. She tried not to show her distaste for the man formerly known as the Deputy. It was an odd feeling; she still hated the Deputy with all her might, but she loved the Judge just as fiercely. The same man, reborn. It was odd to revisit the old times to think about Judge as so violent, cruel and cold. 

“The Deputy was…” Avery hesitated. How detailed had Nick and Kim been with her? “He was violent. He came into town and destroyed my family’s whole life. He thought he was doing it for the greater good. He thought he was saving the people of this place.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Carmina said, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I always pictured him like those super heros in the comic books.”

“It was a hard time. I lost...everyone I ever cared about. He thought that Joseph...the Father-”

“The bearded man?”

“Yes,” Avery said. “The Deputy thought Joseph was evil. He thought he was crazy and wrong and that the world wasn’t going to end like Joseph said it would. So he...killed his followers. He killed his brothers, his sister. He was a force to be reckoned with and he drove through people like they were nothing.” Avery took a breath. She worried the Ryes would be after her if Carmina repeated what she said. “But he was trying to help your parents, to help you. He wanted the County to become a safe place again to those who lived here. But when the world ended...I think he saw that he’d done wrong. That Joseph was right. That all he was doing was trying to save the souls who were too blind to see the way.”

“Is that why he became Judge?”

Avery nodded. “I think so. I wasn’t there. I didn’t spend seven years in a bunker with him after the bombs hit. But, Joseph did. Joseph saved his life. He could’ve left the Deputy to die out in the radiation but he helped him to a bunker and saved him. And took care of him. The Deputy, from what I heard, was full of guilt for what he’d done. And when the world was reborn, so was the Deputy.”

“Where were you during the seven years?”

“In a bunker, alone.”

Carmina’s eyes turned soft as she looked at the older woman. Avery felt herself grow self-conscious under the girl’s gaze. She shifted her shoulder, upon which rested a wolf’s head and skin that draped over her. Her hair was long, past her waist, thick and braided. Avery felt like she’d lost her beauty from so long ago. But she knew John would disagree.

“How’d you survive seven years alone?”

“It was...awful.”

“I’m sorry,” Carmina said, taking her hand. “I’m sorry you lost so many people you cared about.”

“Thank you,” Avery replied. 

She stared down at the young girl. How could someone so young have such wisdom, such courage to confront someone who once wanted to harm her family? 

Carmina asked her a few more questions - mostly about John, Jacob and Faith. She wanted to get to know them from someone else’s perspective, too. So Avery told her about them. She spared the gory details, but did include their faults. Jacob’s PTSD, his ideas of culling the weak, the way he treated some of his prisoners. She talked about John’s trauma, his past, the way he treated those under his care who didn’t wish to atone. Faith...Avery talked about her manipulation, her lies...the drugs she used to keep people tied to her. But she told Carmina about their good sides, too. The sides people rarely saw. The way Jacob cared for her, how he helped her grow as a soldier and hunter, the way she saw him as a father figure. She talked about John’s loving side, the way he loved her, how kind and gentle and caring he was. And Faith...Faith’s positivity, her smile, the flower crowns, her desire to make everyone around her feel happy and loved and safe. 

By the time she was done, it was getting close to dark and Carmina said she needed to get home. She thanked the older woman. Avery watched her leave with a frown of curiosity on her face but was thankful for the interaction. 

~

“You are back late,” Joseph observed as Avery came back to New Eden, to his home with some meat she’d caught in time just before sundown. 

“I ran into Carmina Rye. She wanted to talk.” Avery replied.

“What about?” 

Avery placed her hand on Judge’s shoulder in greeting and he looked up at her and nodded his head. She watched as he whittled something out of wood, she wasn’t sure what yet. Ethan was nowhere to be found and Avery was thankful for that, at least. 

“She wanted to hear the Project’s side of everything that happened around the day she was born.” 

Judge looked up at her after hearing that and then looked back down almost instantly. She could tell he felt like he shouldn’t be there to hear if they discussed it more, so Avery didn’t offer any other information. Joseph hummed in acknowledgement as she sat near the fire to skin the animals she’d brought back. 

Joseph stood and joined her, not really saying anything else but just sitting there. She glanced up at him and he looked pensive. She wondered what had him in this mood but didn’t want to ask that, either. Maybe it was something to do with Ethan. 

“Something’s coming,” Joseph said after she skinned the first animal and moved on to the second. 

“What do you mean?” Avery asked.

“I don’t know. The Voice is speaking to me. In a few years, something will come that will compromise everything. We’ll need to be ready. Would you be willing to lead the Chosen, once more? Judge will assist you in any way he can. But the Voice is telling me we need warriors.”

Avery nodded. “Ethan’s not going to like that very much,” she said.

Joseph waved his hand and Avery took in how much he’d aged in the recent years. His hair was greying, lines around his face were forming. His eyes were no less intense as the first day she met him. 

“Ethan doesn’t care about the Chosen. He wants to lead New Eden.”

“And he will, one day,” she replied. “Is that not enough?”

Judge let out a sigh from the table behind them, a strangled noise. Avery glanced back at him but he hadn’t lifted his head from his work. 

“I do not know that he will lead New Eden when I am gone,” Joseph replied, his eyes fixated on the flames. “I’ve seen another. I do not know who. An outsider.”

“Judge was an outsider once.”

“Not Judge, someone new.”

Avery digested the information with fear. Who was this stranger Joseph was seeing in his visions? Why were they coming? Were they part of the thing that was going to threaten everything they’d created? Avery took a deep breath and put the animals down, her hands covered in blood.

“Are you alright?”

“I am,” Joseph said. “I’ll need some time in my sanctuary soon.”

Avery nodded. “What will we do while you are gone?”

“Do not let Ethan lead.”

~

_ She dreamt of Seed Ranch. Of home. She sat by the fire as she had all those years ago, John’s arms wrapped around her frame. He was aging, too. Just like his older brother. His was less noticeable since he was still so young but he was looking different. Avery sighed at the feeling of his warm embrace. She wished for a moment that she could stay there forever. _

_ “How’s my nephew?” John asked.  _

_ “Let’s talk about anything but Ethan,” Avery replied.  _

_ John chuckled and kissed her temple, his hand rubbing circles on her stomach. She wore only her pants and her tunic; the white material light and barely there.  _

_ “I miss you,” he said.  _

_ “You have no idea how much I miss you,” Avery replied. “I wish I could join you.” _

_ “I’ll wait for you, my dear. Do not rush your time with my brother. You’re all he has left.” _

_ “Me and Judge,” Avery corrected. _

_ John growled at the mention of the Judge but he didn’t say anything further. “Joseph told you about his visions.” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Train the Chosen. They’ll need to hold their own against a strong, terrifying enemy.” _

_ “Worse than the Deputy was?” _

_ John nodded. “Much worse.” _

_ Suddenly, Avery was in a field. She watched as a train was attacked by a group of people with paintings all over their bodies. The colors were vivid and nearly painful as she watched. Carmina Rye was there. There were people she didn’t recognize on the train. She then saw visions of burning houses...then of Seed Ranch. Their home. But it was different. So many people lived there - there was a small village set up within walls.  _

_ The sounds of motorcycles filled the air. Shouts, screams, wails. The smell of fire wouldn’t leave her nose and suddenly she just wanted John. Where was he? _

_ “John?” Avery called. So many faces surrounded her; some she recognized, some she didn’t. All were bloody and screaming and terrified and they were falling onto her to the point of suffocation.  _

_ “JOHN!” _


End file.
